Could the Relationship Work in the Future?

[heddalisa]

Hey all! Thanks in advance for your help. This might be a long post, but there is a lot that plays into my problem...

Less than a week ago, my relationship with a great guy came to an end. We dated for a little over 15 months. I am 21 and he is 22, so we're both fairly young. We both go to school together in MN, but he is from Alabama. We did long distance last summer and over school breaks, but it was fine. We missed each other, but it was not to an unbearable extent. I took trips to meet his family, and I absolutely loved them. My family likes him as well. The trouble came with when he was with my friends. He tends to rub people the wrong way. His way of being funny is to make insensitive or inappropriate jokes. Some people find him absolutely hilarious, but more sensitive people can be put off by him immediately. I have some friends that love him and some that can't stand him. The ones that love him thought that we had a great relationship and that we were very well suited for each other. The ones who did not like him were unsure, but were happy that I was happy. It would bother me when he said insensitive things...I felt like I had to scold him or tell him that it wasn't okay. I felt like his mom and I did not always like it. Sometimes it was just in a joking way, but other times he really needed to know when to quit, but did not. I told him that it made me uncomfortable, and he scaled back but some of my friends still think he's rude and cocky with his humor. This is what ultimately frustrated me about the relationship. Whenever I would get upset about something like this, I felt like I would shut down. I was unable to have much fun because I could tell my friends didn't like him. Every thing he did from then on out for the night would bother me.

Also, he tends to do some inconsiderate things, like text during a movie or show. This drives me insane. But sometimes I find myself doing the same thing. Then I ask myself, "why do you do it and it's ok, but when he does it you flip out?" It also drives me nuts when he gets drunk. I like to drink every once in a while, but I never get as drunk as he does. In general, drunk people drive me insane when I'm sober. He is no exception. He knows it bothers me when he gets more drunk than I do, and he has been better about it, but it still bothers me. Am I just too sensitive? Do I need to relax a bit?

When these kinds of things happen, I get all sorts of doubts about the relationship. I just don't know if they're rational or irrational. I start thinking of why the relationship might not work: he wants more kids than I do, we wouldn't know where to live right away, he is a free spirit and not ready to settle down yet etc. We talked about all of those things recently, and that is why we decided that it was best to split. I was heartbroken. I love this man with all my heart, but ultimately, we couldn't see it in the long run. But all of these things that make me question the relationship...are they trivial? Should I have tried not to focus on those things? Or are they things that make sense? We know we want to be single for a while, but we still hang out all the time and there is unbelievable chemistry. But he's my best friend, I don't want to spend time apart. His presence is so comforting, so even if we can't be romantic, it is wonderful to just be around him.

Then he told me that traveling was something he wanted to do, but not to a crazy extent. I didn't know that, and it changes alot for me. Also, the fact that he may be willing to stay in MN makes a difference. After the break up, I can't help but wonder if this might eventually work out down the road? We are not looking to date anyone else just yet...we just got out of the relationship and it will take time to fall out of love. I feel like I will eventually, but I can't help but wonder if he's the one for me. I certainly thought so throughout our relationship, but when little things caused me to doubt, I got less and less sure. We know we want to stay separated (we've split and gotten back together before after about a month apart). But we also know that, maybe down the road, things will be different and we will want to try again. What do y'all think? Does it seem like we might be able to try again? Or do you think that the things I mentioned aren't worth trying again with him and I just need to move on? Thanks, y'all!

[garrodrebecca]

It seems you are too much confused about your relationship. I thought how it possible to run this relationship 15 months ? You are too much depended on your friend. It is not good. Your life your choice. You have to decide yourself what should best for you. And if you really loves your boyfriend then why you cannot accept his choice or as he is. Try to love him as he is on his way , do not try to change him . You have to like or love his all gesture . Think before making any decision .