used to be friends, then she changed , then she rejected me , what should i do ?

[Lord Y]

i had a female friend who had just broke up with her fiance, i tried to cheer her up and taking her out of her depression, we became closer and closer, and she'd tell me about everything about her life, when she was sad she told me , when she was happy she told me , we didn't meet that much as we live in different cities, but we did it over text, and during that process i fell in love with her, .

but suddenly when she had a new job, she started to change, she started ignore me when i ask about what's wrong with her, and answering angrily when i insist on knowing.

i decided to confess my feelings to her, first my decision was to tell her face to face then i failed to meet her, so i told her over text
her response was : "thanks for ur feelings towards me , but i am not thinking into going into a relationship now and for a long time"
i tried to know why , she replied that she don't want to be emotionally and Psychologically attached to anyone. and she wished me to find a girl that deserves my love to her.
before i stop texting , i asked her to think about again , and she promised she will, last think was me hoping we will still be friends.

so why do u think she changed her attitude in first place, and what should've been my attitude towards that ?
and what should i do right now after i apparently messed it up ? should i talk to her again like nothing ever happened ? it is hard for me to let her go and move on, i want to know if there is an another chance

[TheEvilJester]

You know, the funny thing is that this sounds A LOT like a situation I recently went through, expect I more so saw the girl as a really good friend and not a love interest. But, it was the same hot and cold kind of bull$h*t where SHE went out of her way to reach out to me, just to then turn around and act cold and distant. All the same, I really liked her. As a friend, but I really liked her. LIKED being the operative word, since now I know she is nothing more than a bag of crap on legs.

So, maybe my advice is a little bit biased. You should perhaps take this with a grain of salt, given how closely this hits home for me....

However, my advice is you are too good for her. She doesn't deserve you. What kind of worthless scumbag piece of crap is so nice to somebody, goes so out of their way to share with them, and then just turns around and becomes a cruel, cold, distant a-hole? Yeah, I get that she went through a break-up and that is tough. That is NO excuse for treating the people around you like crap, especially not those who actually cared about you and went out of their way to be there for you.

So, why did she suddenly turn around on you? Unfortunately, only she can answer that question. Trust me, I know how you felt at the time, so I get why you then decided to confess your feelings. Hindsight is always 20/20, but I think that was really a better time to re-assess your feelings rather than confess them. She made it obvious that she didn't deserve your feelings, but you couldn't help that it was kind of too late at that point. You had them, and they don't go away easily. Trust me, I know.

Either way, even before you did confess, she's made it very obvious that she cannot even be bothered to make you a priority in the slightest. I highly doubt that would improve if you two were together as boyfriend and girlfriend. People like that are selfish and self-centered. She'd probably just treat you even worse like crap and think there is nothing wrong with that.

You could give her time and hope she gets through her rough patch in time. I mean, we all go through hard times and it is never easy. Heck, we all sometimes act in ways we later regret and hurt those we care about without meaning to do so. But, the thing is she obviously doesn't appreciate you now the way you deserve for being such a good friend to her, and that is not likely to change.

So, my personal advice is forget her. If she can't even be a good FRIEND to you, how will she ever be a good girlfriend? I know it is easier said than done, but you need to move on. You deserve better. Find yourself a girl who will appreciate the good guy you are, and appreciate how willing you are to be there for her.

But, again, it is possible I am being too cynical because the situation does hit kind of close to home for me. So, hopefully others will chime in with thoughts as well. Either way, good luck to you.

[eve.ashley]

she's scared.

she's could just be hurt and traumatized by her break up and scared you will hurt her...

tell her you do not appreciate her sudden coldness and change, and that you want to be friends now and more if she is ever ready, and that you also will not be waiting for her to be ready forever, but since she is recently broken up wit someone you will give it some time...

you have no reason to think this woman is a scumbag, you seem to be fond of her on merit, and only recently she has changed towards you, whihc could be fear....

breakups can be painful, and maybe if she sees you are nothing like her ex, she will start opening up again---

[Lord Y]

You know, the funny thing is that this sounds A LOT like a situation I recently went through, expect I more so saw the girl as a really good friend and not a love interest. But, it was the same hot and cold kind of bull$h*t where SHE went out of her way to reach out to me, just to then turn around and act cold and distant. All the same, I really liked her. As a friend, but I really liked her. LIKED being the operative word, since now I know she is nothing more than a bag of crap on legs.

So, maybe my advice is a little bit biased. You should perhaps take this with a grain of salt, given how closely this hits home for me....

However, my advice is you are too good for her. She doesn't deserve you. What kind of worthless scumbag piece of crap is so nice to somebody, goes so out of their way to share with them, and then just turns around and becomes a cruel, cold, distant a-hole? Yeah, I get that she went through a break-up and that is tough. That is NO excuse for treating the people around you like crap, especially not those who actually cared about you and went out of their way to be there for you.

So, why did she suddenly turn around on you? Unfortunately, only she can answer that question. Trust me, I know how you felt at the time, so I get why you then decided to confess your feelings. Hindsight is always 20/20, but I think that was really a better time to re-assess your feelings rather than confess them. She made it obvious that she didn't deserve your feelings, but you couldn't help that it was kind of too late at that point. You had them, and they don't go away easily. Trust me, I know.

Either way, even before you did confess, she's made it very obvious that she cannot even be bothered to make you a priority in the slightest. I highly doubt that would improve if you two were together as boyfriend and girlfriend. People like that are selfish and self-centered. She'd probably just treat you even worse like crap and think there is nothing wrong with that.

You could give her time and hope she gets through her rough patch in time. I mean, we all go through hard times and it is never easy. Heck, we all sometimes act in ways we later regret and hurt those we care about without meaning to do so. But, the thing is she obviously doesn't appreciate you now the way you deserve for being such a good friend to her, and that is not likely to change.

So, my personal advice is forget her. If she can't even be a good FRIEND to you, how will she ever be a good girlfriend? I know it is easier said than done, but you need to move on. You deserve better. Find yourself a girl who will appreciate the good guy you are, and appreciate how willing you are to be there for her.

But, again, it is possible I am being too cynical because the situation does hit kind of close to home for me. So, hopefully others will chime in with thoughts as well. Either way, good luck to you.

the problem that she already was a good friend, so i know how she is when she is a good friend and a really close friend , and i miss this.
she just changed out of no where

- - - Updated - - -

she's scared.

she's could just be hurt and traumatized by her break up and scared you will hurt her...

tell her you do not appreciate her sudden coldness and change, and that you want to be friends now and more if she is ever ready, and that you also will not be waiting for her to be ready forever, but since she is recently broken up wit someone you will give it some time...

you have no reason to think this woman is a scumbag, you seem to be fond of her on merit, and only recently she has changed towards you, whihc could be fear....

breakups can be painful, and maybe if she sees you are nothing like her ex, she will start opening up again---

a month before my confession, i asked her why did she change ? she replied that she didn't change, and that she has the right to answer me or to ignore me
and that she is busy.
between this and the confession , we didn't talk much , when i asked her whats wrong with her, she either didn't respond, or she said i'll tell u later, she responded normally and in a good form for one or two times only in that period.
if i only knew what did change her.

[eve.ashley]

something happened or she thinks it happened. talk to her more...

[Wakeup]

Leave her alone. She's clearly told you that she doesn't want a relationship and she's more likely then not finding the online "friendship" no longer necessary.

All you or anyone else here knows for certain ia that what she has clearly and honestly told you outright and that is that she's not interested in pursuing anything further with you and that you should go ahead in your life looking for someone that wants to love you. Take THAT as the truth and stop worrying about the "why."

Do yourself a favor and don't start anything up long distance or online. Find someone who you can BE with and date in person.

Zero contact and you'll be over the habit of seeing words on a screen from her in no time at all.

[IndiReloaded]

Lord Y, kudos to you for confessing your feelings but it's over now. You clearly stated what you want, and she doesn't want it.

I don't think this make her 'not good enough' or whatever, it just makes the two of you not good together. You can't make her love you and you can't go back and unring a bell.

No contact and move on is the answer. Good luck.

[Boisdevie]

Message to the OP. You have been smacked in the face by the cold wet Mackerel of reality. You have two choices.
Choice 1. This is the easy choice. Deal with it. Accept it.
Choice 2. This is the choice for idiots. Continually anguish over this.

[TheEvilJester]

Eve, being as I'm usually a "glass is half full" kind of guy.... wait a minute. Holy $h*t. When did that happen to me? LOL! Anyways.... being a "glass is half full" kind of guy, I do appreciate your more positive outlook on this particular topic. I would hope maybe you are right, that it is just something along those lines. I don't know, though. I'm sorry, but I still do not think that is any excuse for treating people like crap, especially when they are people who care about you and went out of their way to be there for you.

Sure, maybe she was hurt before and is afraid of being hurt again. Deal with it and grow the Hell up. Don't get me wrong. We all go through rough patches, and sometimes we make the mistake of taking it out on those we really should not. But, eventually you grow up, man-up (or... I dunno... woman-up) and realize you are no better than the people that hurt you if you let that continue.

So, back to Lord Y, if you think she is worth then, then sure, give her a chance. But, as others have said, you need to be fair, yet firm. In other words, it needs to be clear you will not put up with this kind of treatment, and that you will not wait around forever. Make it clear you DO understand being hurt, and understand it takes a while to bounce back. Make it clear you are more than happy to be part of helping her to bounce back.... but NOT by being her punching bag. If she can't appreciate you, then let her deal with her drama on her own and find yourself a gal who WILL appreciate you.

Good luck to you, friend.