What do I do now?

[wolfheart]

Hi folks, new to this. Ok, last year I split from husband of less than a year, few issues main one being his drinking. In January this year he got the message that as long as he drank I would not contemplate a reconciliation, so he says he has stopped, very hard for him esp as on anti depressants. Said I would contact him and to give me space. He didn't pay any heed, with calls, visits to home, letters, stopping me in street, I have a friend who acts as intermediate for me and she also said stop contacting her let her have her space as you pushing her away. This past Wednesday he saw me in supermarket, we exchanged some angry words as being a small town there are terrible gossipers, and I asked is it true what they say, you still drinking and fancy some woman, he totally denied this, I know when he lies and he was honest but he walked off shouting he loved and wanted only me!, sent me a letter apologising but I was sulking if I am honest and did not reply, he called me Thursday evening saying either divorce or there has to be more contact etc, he kept pushing me for an answer, I was not having a good day healthwise and hate feeling cornered, so I stupidly said divorce, he replied you don't mean that, but I hung up and ignored further two calls from him. Had a terrible night and Friday was all over the place in my head, so in the evening I called him, he was very frosty, I said I didn't want divorce, he said too bad, I had a feeling he was not alone and asked did he have company and was it female? He said yes, I hung up, he then called me back asking if I wanted to talk to her, er no, but he passed mobile to her and she said "hello Louise", totally shock, panic attack ensued with her asking if I was ok, could hear him in background with her saying to him "you totally ***** up". Phone was hung up and luckily I had a friend calling me on other line, she got help for me. I have no idea what to do now, he has in space few hours gone for telling me and others he was in love with me/soulmate/best friend/I am the one and only for him, to having another woman speak to me and him demanding divorce asap???? In pieces, shaking, being sick.

[Wakeup]

Best thing he could have done for you. Now you can move on from your drunken, manipulative, and lying husband, get the help you need for your codependency and hopefully then be wise enough to pick a good man that doesn't need fixing.

Sorry, you're hurting, sorry you thought you could handle this on your own instead of getting help from the good folks at Alanon and I'm sorry that you now think him leaving for good is something that you should be mourning.

In time and what you do with your time, by honing your personal boundaries and by getting help at alanon, you will in no time at all be very grateful that he's now someone's else's problem.

Take pride in the fact that you didn't just cave and go back to him. He didn't get any help for his reasons for drinking to the point of alcoholism. Just because he quit drinking (so far) doesn't mean that your life with him would suddenly be happy and perfect... it would never even be happy unless he works on what ails him.

Google Alanon for a meeting near you and start going as soon as you're over the initial shock of realizing he is the asshole that he's always been... even when sober.

[woody]

I'm going to have to go with W.U on this one.
Shitty situation but woman, he's only going to keep dragging you in. If he flipped so fast, hurt or not, that's miles to his character and though he may be a good man all in all, this drink has grip and grip it will around your neck too so yeah, F that.

and to get a rise out of you by putting this other female on the phone. How childish.

Small town or not, ditch the prick. Re gain you and hold out for a mature man without a flippin drinking problem. F ing drinks ruin so much. Sorry your going through this.
everything will be alright. call some friends, turn the music on and have some fun.

yeah it's going to be a roller coaster ride so don't bother doing the hair.

[TheEvilJester]

I must agree with the ladies above on this one. I know how hard it can be when you used to be so in love with somebody, but this guys actions could not scream out more obviously to you that you need to get far away from him and do not look back. He wants you back, wants you back, wants you back, but he does NOTHING to work on himself, get help, and improve the problems that drove you away in the first place. Hell, he needs to get the best of this crap for his own good, just as much as whatever woman he winds up with at some point, be it you or anybody else.

He's done nothing to improve, and in fact has just grown stalkerish and abusive. How exactly does he expect that to win you back? I'm not sure how much clearer the decision could be here. You deserve better. Save yourself from this loser. I know how hard that can be. You are a good person for taking your commitments so seriously. At the end of the day, though, he is not doing the same. You cannot just allow him to destroy your happiness. Good luck to you, friend.