Confused.. in limbo.. help?

[n33dlove]

My boyfriend broke up with me then said we could start over and then just ignored me and stopped talking to me all together. He randomly texted me a month later saying he was blocking me from everything and to have a nice life (bc he found out I had a tinder account). That night he showed up in my town (he lives an hour away) apologizing and begging for me back. This was just 2 weeks ago... He said he would do whatever it took to fix it. I said I would like to work things out but I couldn't forgive him right away. So we were talking daily, like normal. Sweet texts (and some sexting).

I went to see him this weekend and we had a great time. Over the weekend we talked face to face about us and he told me at least 3 times.. to my face "I want this, I want to be with you". I asked him if there was any doubt.. I said if there was any doubt then I need to know so we can give ourselves more time before getting back together.... We decided we are together and we are moving forward (past the break up). So after that our weekend was great. When I left he started seeming short and quiet. I assumed he was busy with work (he has long, crazy work hours). So Tuesday comes along and he is still being distant and short. So I asked him if I did something to upset him.

This is what he said: "Sweetheart I'm not mad at you or anybody just been thinking a lot about my life and where I want to be that's all.. This past weekend was a lot of fun I do miss the companionship we have. But I also realized how focused I really am to strive for my goals that I have so I'm not sure I'm ready for commitment like I thought I was or any type of relationship."

I said: "I want to be here to support you and I want to have you in my life. U literally told me to my face u wanted to be with me... I forgave everything and want to build our relationship back stronger. I really think we can do this. I don't want anyone else."

He said: "Be mad at me whatever you want to do I just did not realize how focused I really am to get where I want to be. this weekend was really fun and I do enjoy spending time with you but the whole time I'm thinking Man I could've worked today or man I could've made this today. I had no idea that I was this focus or could be this focused... I'm not trying to block you out of my life I'm just saying I'm sorry I may not talk to you every single time you text me back or call me. A lot of times I just don't know what to say or have nothing to say at all I'm not mad"

I said: "I would still like to move forward as a couple, take it slow, and see where this goes. What are your thoughts on that"

He said: "Im fine with that"

I said: "It meant a lot to me when u came to Richmond to talk to me and fix things. I know in our hearts we both want this to work.. And I have faith that we will make this work. Baby steps. I appreciate you talking to me instead of holding it in."

Then he read is yesterday and never responded... I said good morning today and I hoped he had a good day.. and all he said back was "Still working from yesterday".

I feel like the energy it took him to type that.. he could have said something nicer. I feel like what I worked to hard to forgive him for.. he is doing all over again. I understand his work... but what I don't understand is the rudeness.. or not having anything at all to say. He goes on facebook and does stuff on instagram.. its not like he doesn't have 2 seconds to say "I hope u have a good day too" or "Thanks" or ":-)"

I gave him a great opportunity over the weekend to say if he wanted more time etc. And to say he was wishing he was working the entire time he saw me? Okay.. he has either become super money hungry.. or he just doesn't want me.. which doesn't make since after he told me to my face that he did... and said he is ok w moving forward as a couple, taking it slow, and seeing where things go. I feel like "taking things slow and moving forward" doesn't give someone the right to be short and rude.

I just don't know what to think or do.. I am so confused. I cant stop crying and I am just left here... alone.. in limbo... hurt.. while he is doing whatever.. probably not even thinking about me.

Help Please!! What is going on? What can I do to make him want me again like he did (literally 4 days ago)... he was literally counting down the hours till he could see me then we had a great weekend.. then BOOM! Back to this nonsense.

[Wakeup]

He's setting you up to be his booty call when it suits him.

He's demoted you and if you're silly, naïve and without personal boundaries you'll keep jumping through his hoops to try and win him over.

If you're a strong, confident young woman with good personal boundaries and love of self you'll tell him that what he is offering you isn't what you want and so it's best you sever all ties so that you can get on with finding someone who wants you for more then an occasional uncommitted sex partner.

Or you could just say: What you're offering isn't ultimately what I want, good luck and bubbye.

Or you could just use your own words that don't make you look pathetic or needy but rather make you look like that strong young woman I mention above.

.... Should be interesting to read what you choose to do.

BTW: Can I ask you why you had a "Tinder" account when you were in a relationship?

[n33dlove]

Thank you for your reply. As far as tinder goes.. when he cut all ties and stopped talking to me and deleted our relationship from fb etc... I was devastated. My sister and best friend told me to get on tinder for distraction and entertainment. It worked.. I would never meet anyone from there but it was a fun distraction for a day or two.

[Wakeup]

So you were actually broken up when you signed onto a hook up site (that's what Tinder basically is btw). You had every right to do that as a single girl but its easy to see how he might lose some respect for you for going on such a site right away.

Anyway, its neither here nor there. Just get yourself away from any non-committed goings on with him because if he's not serious in going all in with you then you should be unwilling to be demoted to less-then-girlfriend-now-****-buddy.

Why did you guys break up in the first place?

[n33dlove]

I thought we were perfectly fine and he started being distant and ignoring me. He told me we were better as friends and said it was because I didn't trust him... which I do. But that's besides the point... he told me he wanted to be with me and the very next day...... distance and short comments----what a mind-f***.. He mentioned work will be hectic the next couple months until he has more ppl trained... so I feel like giving him until then in case this actually is work related. work related or not.... replying rudely to someone u care about or not at all is just mean. :-(

[Wakeup]

Don't let him back into your life, "n33d" He's not been a good boyfriend from day one and has just taken from you while hardly even giving anything of vulnerability of himself to you.

Be strong and tell him its over for good so that you give yourself the personal power and closure you'll need to be able to move on quickly by getting to the stage of indifference to him.

Good men don't come back for sex and then do exactly to you what they did when they broke up with you. Don't let him play you anymore. He's not good LIFEmate material for you or any girl of worth.

[n33dlove]

Deep down I know you're right. Thank you so much.