my 1st GF is destroying my self confidence

[whatdonow]

Its a long one, but i really need some help! please!

Here is the situation so you ll have better insight. We are both in mid 20s, we both live at home with parents (we both have a job but since economic crisis thats how most of people that age lives in our country).

Before we met she had couple of serious relationship, I didn’t and was a self conscience virgin. Girls were always interested in me but I had no self confidence until I said enough is enough and throw myseff in to dating pool. Before we met she hasn’t had a BF for the last 3 years and havent had sex for more then a year. I was always wondering what was she doing on an online dating site since I know girls like her (good looking and cute with character) can get almost any man…

We clicked from the start and everything was fine except SEX. We slept together after first 5 weeks and since I was inexperienced and clumsy you can guess – sex was not good. I have never had sex before but I knew it was bad… She was dry as a desert down there and I had hard time getting my erection, but we still had sex for like 40 minutes.

Keep in mind we both live with our parents so the only time we have had sex was on weekends. But after our 1st sex she always had an excuse not to put herself in the position to have sex with me again. It was frustrating – the excuses she had let me know that they were what they were – excuses. I sat her down and talked to her what was wrong and she said nothing… the next time we had sex (2 months after our first sex) she said during sex ‘we should do this more often’ but after that I had to wait another month… had sex… wait another month… and so on.

She is always very affectionate – likes holding hands, kissing, making out, cuddling… Paying for dates, initiates dates, making me part of every important part of her life (family, events), bringing me presents when abroad or vacations…Every time we slept together – every morning when she wakes up she sneakes to my side of the bed and put her head on my chest and caressing my arm or sleep that way… We have never had sex more then ONCE in the same day/night. The record is 2 times in ONE week…

After several months thing started to improve – she was the one who was eager to have sex at weekends – that lasted like 3 maybe 4 months but then things went back to ‘normal’ – like they were before… The thing is she proved she is not asexual, and that she has no problem with the act itself - no problem with sex – she even likes giving head, let me eat her out, one thing I noticed is that she likes top position and be dominant… One thing I also remember is that she said she has never experienced orgasm. She also never comments during sex - what she likes how to do it - slower/faster.. nothing... ever.

Now we are together for 1 year and a half and Im not happy - all I can say is if Id get a dollar for every time we had sex I d have no more then 20 dollars, and for every time she was the initiator I would have like max 5 dollars… The thing is since she is my only and my first I cannot compare her with others. I cant say its not me since my ex liked the way I did it and the girl before her…

This is literally destroying my confidence – the things i came up in my mind why she doesn’t crave sex with me are just self defeating:

- She has another supplier (I 99% sure she doesnt since we live in a small town where everybody knows everybody and its just not her character to cheat),
- I have a small tool (im liltle over 6 inches and I know that’s pretty average since I played sports for a decade and have seen many penises – not by choice - in the shower room)
- Im terrible at sex and don’t know what im doing
- She is not really into me but likes to be in a relationship

The thing i fear the most is Im BAD at it! but if that is the case she should say something and try to make me batter??? Don’t know what to do since I love her but im very frustrated sometimes, angry and hurt. It came to the point when its destroying our relationship. im just not the same anymore around her because Im not happy and she does nothing to make me happy - I brought up that topic about sex several times and she is willing to talk but nothing changes. I told her its important to me and Im not happy but everything stay the same after that. What can I do?

[Wakeup]

You don't know what to do? Well, you could start by having a nice conversation with her about this and tell her what you've told us.

You may want to tone down the fact that you're not getting it enough and rather just initiate more and if she stops you, then you can go into that as a separate conversation.

None of your relationship will fair very well if you can't talk to the other about what is on your mind and be able to do it with some sensitivity while being straight forward. Being able to communicate is very important in solving relationship conflicts.

[TheEvilJester]

Wakeup pretty much summed it up for you right there. You need to talk to her about it. Ask her what is not working for her. Ask her why she wants it so rarely. You need to be ready to hear things that you may not want to hear, and you need to make it clear to her that you want her to be honest even if she thinks it will hurt your feelings. If you two don't talk about it, how is anything ever supposed to get better? If the problem is with you, then she needs to discuss with you what you are doing wrong. By the way, if the problem IS with you, please try not to feel so bad. I know it's the whole male ego thing, but she was your first. Almost nobody is good their first time. It takes time to grow and learn what works and what does not. You two are not giving each other that opportunity because you are expecting it to just magically change.

Now, it is entirely possible that she has a low sex drive. She may not be completely disinterested in sex, but maybe she just isn't interested in doing it much more than how often you two have already. If that is the case, it is highly unlikely that will ever change. If you tried to force her to do it more, or she tried to force you to want it less often, that will never work out and will just end in heart break. So, as much as it may not be the advice you wanted to hear, if you two cannot reach a happy medium, it may be for the best to just end things. Ends things in an amicable, friendly way, but end them nonetheless. Sex should never be THE MOST important part of a relationship..... but it is an important part. If you two are not a match sexually, that is a big deal.

Good luck to you, friend.