I really need some advice , we broke up and I've been up all night , thank you

[Benneedsadvice]

Thank you for reading. I appreciate its long but I'm in tears and I cannot sleep and I just need some advice.

I have been with my girlfriend " HJ " for over a year. She's 22 and I'm the first guy she slept with.
We had the most amazing few months but I was stupid - when we met I told her I was 27 and really I was 30.
She found out my real age and broke up with me; I didn't hear from her for a month and I wrote her a letter each 3 days and she got in touch; she said she was mad but she still loved me and to never lie to her again. Her parents were lovely and said I was good for their daughter; just don't mess up again.

Since we got back together, things are even better- I guess I'm more at ease as not worried of getting found out and we have been so happy- we even went away with our parents now they could finally meet! We have been back together just over 2 months. It was our anniversary last week and we hired a boat and went to the river , HJ said she would never want to lose me and she gave me a lovely card.

Now HJ lives with her mum and step dad. Her father left when she was a baby and she's always wanted to find him , ask why he left . I know a bit about this as I was adopted and she asked for help so I managed to find him and get his address. I said we could write a letter to him, do whatever pace she wanted. She was thankful she finally knew a bit about him ( even his house from the outside ) but this was yesterday . She went very quiet and off last night and I figured it was about her dad.

Today she asked me to pick her up from work - if we could drive by his house and then we would visit the zoo tomorrow after staying at my place.
She was very quiet when I picked her up and on the drive I tried to talk to her , tell her that she could open up to me but she wasn't having any of it. She took a call from her cousin ( who doesn't like me because I lied about my age ) and got back in the car crying.

I asked what was wrong and she said nothing; she wanted to go another day with her cousin. I was driving back and she asked me to take her home and not back to my place for the zoo. She cried again and said she wasn't sure she wanted to be with me anymore; that she couldn't get over the broken trust and she just wants to be friends. I was shocked. Things were great 2 days ago and she even asked me to come away with her on vacation with her parents his summer and gave me a lovely card saying " she is nothing without me "

I drove her home and she cried and said its best if I leave her alone for a few days. She took off the relationship status on Facebook and I've just driven home. I'm so upset. Things have been great, I know her and she's been so so happy.

Maybe her dad stuff has brought up emotions , maybe her cousin was on her case, I don't know. I figured I'll leave her alone for a few days but I just can't make sense of it.

[Wakeup]

Maybe the cousin did a background check on you and uncovered something else you've lied about or not disclosed about yourself? Could that be possible?

Doesn't matter anyway. She's told you that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you after telling you she couldn't live without you?????? She sounds unhinged to be honest and perhaps you'd do well to let her go and find someone who isn't nuts and with whom you'd not have to lie to about your age?

[TheEvilJester]

I have to say, I really do not understand why you would feel the need to lie about your age. I mean, we are not talking a little white lie here. You lied about your age.... by THREE YEARS. Heck, we've heard worse on this board (I think there was somebody who lied about their age by, like 5 years or something like that) but it doesn't make it any less baffling. Sorry, I know hindsight is always 20/20, but I just cannot understand why you would do that in the first place.

To be honest with you, I couldn't necessarily blame her for breaking up with you in the first place. If you could lie about something so ridiculous, what other things could you be lying about as well?

However, I truly don't mean to judge. We all make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them. In the grand scheme of things, there are a lot of mistakes you could have made that would be a much bigger deal than this, and there were things you could have been lying about that would have been even worse. So, perhaps in the grand scheme of this, this wasn't THAT big a deal. Still, if she couldn't trust you, she'd have been perfectly within her rights to break up with you and leave it at that.

......But she chose to forgive you and take you back. At that point, that was equivalent to her saying what you did was NOT okay and must never be repeated, but she was willing to put it behind you and give you another chance. .....Then she turns around and changes her mind for apparently no reason. Unless there is some other lie you are not telling us about that she discovered, then she is now turning herself from the person who was wronged into the person who is doing wrong. It is not okay for her to play with your heart like that. If you have done nothing to give her further reason to have concern, then she needs to either sincerely give you a chance to make things right, or else move on and set you free. It's not okay to decide she'll take you back, but continue to punish you for your past mistakes.

Granted, it isn't like you should expect her to instantly trust you completely again. For a while she will be suspicious, and you need to prove yourself trustworthy. But, eventually she needs to trust you again if you do not give her any further reason not to trust you. Good luck to you either way. I hope you at least learned a valuable lesson from this experience.

[lei_faith]

In my opinion, she is afraid to get hurt. She doesnt want another heart break. She came from a broken family that is why she is having trust issues. You lied to him with your age. Sometimes, girls forgive easily but they cant forget easily. If you really love her, prove it to her. Be consistent On the things that you will say or do to her and youbwill gain her trust again.