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Thread: well poop. somebody toss me some insight. now :)

  1. #1
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    well poop. somebody toss me some insight. now :)

    Ive been seeing this guy for about 8 months now, 6 of which its been pretty serious. Since we are at that 8 month mark, some of the haze and fog of new love is starting to fade and im seeing some things im not sure I like. Im not sure if these things are serious red flags. In his house, he still has pictures of him and his exes everywhere. still keeps the "toys" that he "used" with his exes" He has a daughter from a previous relationship and he insists on keeping me a secret from this woman and his justification is "she is really jealous and wont let me see my daughter if i have a girlfriend". He posts on his social media constantly and has NEVER posted about me or a picture of me or anything. With his previous relationships, all he ever did was talk about these girls and post a million selfies with them. I find myself to be much more attractive than his previous relationships (not that it matters but that helps me understand he isnt ashamed of me) He is AT LEAST ten years older than his exes. He likes them young. (he is 38) like in their early twenties. Although im 33 so im "old" compared to them. Im noticing that he has had like 4 girlfriends live with him in like 2 years. im beginning to think maybe something isnt right here. It really sucks because ive fallen head over heels for this guy and when its him and i, he is sooooo sweet and he constantly texts me to tell me he loves me or he is just thinking of me. he is always telling me he is grateful for me and everything i do for him. he seems to try very hard to make me happy and patient with me. We have never had a fight because he always backs down and handles me patiently. im so confused by this amazing guy and his bizarre habits. am i nuts?

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    Am I nuts?
    Well, you know that something isn't right in Denmark so you tell us. Are you?

    Have you even discussed exclusivity with, who I'll affectionately call "Mr. Sultan of Swing?"
    “The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion

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    I honestly think you need to talk to him and voice your worries. Communication is key in all relationships, but I understand why you are concerned. In my opinion all the things you've said sound bad. Honestly and no offense it sounds like he's keeping you as his side chick or something like it.

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    I've talked to him about it and it has gotten me nowhere but I may not have pushed the issue as hard as I should. It's mainly the pictures a everywhere. That's not normal, right? I just want to make sure I'm not being paranoid and crazy. I know I'm not the side girl because I spend 5 or 6 nights a week at his house but It looks like he is trying to keep his options open.

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    Quote Originally Posted by uglyguts View Post
    I've talked to him about it and it has gotten me nowhere
    You've talked about what with him? Exclusivity and you've gotten no where? If that's the case then you're not exclusive and by continuing on with him when he won't agree to be exclusive, you're basically telling him that you're okay to be one of his, what appears to be, a harem.

    but I may not have pushed the issue as hard as I should.
    What "issue?" The issue of exclusivity or all the red flags in general?

    It's mainly the pictures a everywhere. That's not normal, right?
    Its normal for someone who wants a trophy of who they've bagged or are still very much involved with the subject in the pictures.

    I just want to make sure I'm not being paranoid and crazy.
    You're being taken for some kind of a ride... what that ride is is what needs to be determined.

    I know I'm not the side girl because I spend 5 or 6 nights a week at his house but It looks like he is trying to keep his options open.
    What does he do during the day?
    “The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion

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    Quote Originally Posted by uglyguts View Post
    I've talked to him about it and it has gotten me nowhere but I may not have pushed the issue as hard as I should. It's mainly the pictures a everywhere. That's not normal, right? I just want to make sure I'm not being paranoid and crazy. I know I'm not the side girl because I spend 5 or 6 nights a week at his house but It looks like he is trying to keep his options open.
    I agree with the post above you are being taken for a ride, question is do you wanna stay on it or get off and walk away.

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    I've talked to him about it and it has gotten me nowhere but I may not have pushed the issue as hard as I should. It's mainly the pictures a everywhere. That's not normal, right? I just want to make sure I'm not being paranoid and crazy. I know I'm not the side girl because I spend 5 or 6 nights a week at his house but It looks like he is trying to keep his options open.

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    Quote Originally Posted by uglyguts View Post
    I've talked to him about it and it has gotten me nowhere but I may not have pushed the issue as hard as I should. It's mainly the pictures a everywhere. That's not normal, right? I just want to make sure I'm not being paranoid and crazy. I know I'm not the side girl because I spend 5 or 6 nights a week at his house but It looks like he is trying to keep his options open.
    WTF? There's an echo in here. lol
    “The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion

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    Look, I'm doing this from my crap a** phone. Lol. Things get weird.

  10. #10
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    Eww. Wow... and... Hooboy.

    This is what comes to mind when reading your post, OP. Dump this loser and find someone who is into you as much as you are them. Don't you think you deserve this?
    Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
    --Cyteen by C.J.Cherryh

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    I can tell you from experience that some single fathers don't know their rights as a father and are seriously worried about losing what little time they may get. for instance, I'm finally going to court in May to get 50/50 custody and I am so worried that I'll say the wrong thing and that'll make her back out.

    I had spent a long time after my ex, before my current (and now wife) When my ex found out my wife was pregnant she broke our agreement and made things hell for 2 years for my wife and I by not letting us see my son and costing us over 12,000 USD despite being married herself. The other stuff I'm not sure why he does it. Ask him why he still has pictures up of his ex's, ask him if he's over them, did they die? or does he use them to brag like one of the others said?

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