Crazy about a married woman who's giving me mixed signals

[virilon]

Hey all, I'm looking for some advice here. I'm a 50 yr old single guy. About a year ago I started playing an online game with a married female co-worker who's about my same age. It all started innocently enough, just playing the game, but soon we were chatting thru the game with naughty messages and she started sending me nude photos. Now we chat, text our cell phones and call each other daily, several times a day, as well as sexting and the nude photos. When we are alone I have touched her intimately many times, sometimes just her shoulders or back, but sometimes I grab her ass, feel her breasts or thighs, or even slip my hand under her skirt and feel her ass. Her marriage is unhappy and sexless (no sex for 3 yrs), but she's told me she doesn't plan on leaving him. She just talks to me and does a lot of volunteer things so she's not at home as much. When he's out of town on business we have online sex or talk for hours on the phone.

What gets frustrating and where she gives mixed signals, is that I'd like to go further. Like the other day we were having lunch alone, and she was wearing a short skirt. I proceeded to put my hand on her leg and start to slide my hand up her thigh under her skirt. My intention was to touch her panties and fondle her. But just as I started moving my hand up, she pulled away and said "hey, hey", so I stopped. She knew I was frustrated and told me later that she was sorry for giving me mixed signals. I asked her if she wanted me to still touch her, and she said yes she enjoyed it. So I guess I don't understand how she is ok with what we do now, but seems unwilling to go any further. I'm not looking to wreck her marriage. All I would like is a friends with benefits/NSA type thing. She's sexually frustrated and I'd be willing to fill that need sometimes, even if it's just fondling or oral sex. I have told her that. I have mentioned my frustration before, and she has apologized and offered to stop sexting and sending the pictures if I wanted. She has even told me that she would understand if I ended the friendship and stopped talking to her because of how I felt. But the thing is, I don't want to stop doing those things. I love the attention and what we do together. I just would like more. And the couple of times that I have stayed away and stopped talking to her, she immediately bombards me with texts or messages me and sends me pictures, so I know she doesn't really want me to walk away either.

So what should I do? I need some advice.

[Wakeup]

I just would like more

Well, too bad. She's not willing to give it to you so learn how to suck your own cock or find a woman that is single and willing to give you what you are here whining about.

[IndiReloaded]

Agree with WU. You are her boy-toy, so she calls the shots. That's how it works if you are playing with married folk. Which I don't recommend (you may notice the lack of married/committed men responses here -- most are dreaming of killing you) but, hey, at 50 years old you can choose your path.

I could say more, but it's not really my thing to enable someone to cheat. Perhaps there is a swinger's forum or such where you could get more experienced advice.

[fukushima123]

Sigh.
This is a "love forum".
Not a "friends with benefits forum".

[vashti]

Seriously? Dude! You are a 50 year old single man. There are a LOT more quality women available at your age than there are quality men. WTF are you doing? Why don't you just go get one that is actually available?

- - - Updated - - -

PS - hello, indi-reloaded!

[TheEvilJester]

She's a married woman. That is all you need to know. What you two have done already is wrong. She is emotionally cheating on her husband. Heck, she's physically cheating as well, just not "all the way," so to speak. Look, if she is not happy in her marriage, that is understandable. That happens. Hell, in the US these days, over half of marriages end in divorce. The thing is, it is NOT okay for her to just remain married but "fool around" with guys outside of the marriage. What she is doing is not right to her husband, but it is also not right to you. You should be with a gal who is unattached, so you and her can grow together as a couple and do everything you both may want. If she is truly unhappy with her husband, she needs to leave him, and she needs to take some time to be by herself.

I take it this isn't the advice you want to hear, but you aren't likely to get advice from any of us promoting adultery. She is wrong for leading you on like this, but at the same time, you know she is a married woman and you are allowing yourself to be part of it. Happy or unhappy, she is still a married woman, and even (in her own words) has no intention of changing that.

For your own good, you need to leave the situation and find a woman for whom you will be her one and only. You are not just a boy toy to be used and frustrated while she goes home to some other guy.

[virilon]

Contrary to what you all probably think, this is exactly the advice I need to hear. I know what we are doing is wrong. I just crave the attention from a beautiful woman (which she is), and I like how it feels. It just helps to hear it from neutral third parties like you all. I would have never dreamed it would have led to this. I was one of those who always said you should get divorced before you start up with someone else. And yet, here I am, knee deep in an emotional affair. I really don't know how to explain it , other than we started flirting, it felt good,and one thing led to another. The biggest problem, other than the fact that I'm crazy about her, is that we work together, so to end things will be be very hard and very awkward.

[TheEvilJester]

I think we can all understand that, for sure. It does feel really good when somebody seems interested in you. That attention is amazing. So.... imagine how much more amazing that attention could make you feel with somebody who can actually commit to you. Somebody with whom that attention can only grow and your relationship can become deeper and deeper. You got a taste of what it felt like to have somebody interested in you. That feeling can be addicting, so I think all of us can understand how you can get hooked on the wrong person.

But, think of it this way..... the feeling that sucks is wanting more with somebody, but knowing you can't have it. Or wanting more and they do not seem to want the same. So, why put yourself through that? Find somebody who is single so you two actually can be together. Find somebody who will want you as much as you want them, and who will be unattached and therefore free to pursue a relationship with you. Good luck to you!

[IndiReloaded]

It will be even harder if you don't end it now.

Consider at least at this point you can face each other knowing neither of you has cheated, or enabled it.

Unhappy marriage/EA isn't the same as separated/moved out. I started to see my current H while I was separated from my ex. But I had moved out and on, divorce papers were filed, etc. very different from your situation.

Also, an EA acts like an emotional bandaid, often prolonging an otherwise zombie marriage. If you truly care for this woman, and a possible future w her, then you are doing exactly the wrong thing in seeing her now. Tell her you respect marriage and each other to do this now. If she has any class, this will make her really consider her actions and what she truly wants.

In the end, the only one who has to live with the consequences of all this is you. Good luck.

[blueyedgirl]

I am not going to judge you for your choices, but I think this woman is confused and just enjoys the attention she gets from you and that she just flat out doesnt want to take it farther. If you dont like that walk away from it.

[Wakeup]

*Sniffs* I smell troll.

Don't they stone people to death for being married and doing what you two are doing?

[IndiReloaded]

Don't they stone people to death for being married and doing what you two are doing?

lol .

[TheEvilJester]

Also a good point that may not have even occurred to you. By allowing her to basically have an emotional affair with you, you are enabling her to stay in a marriage where both parties would likely be better off just ending it. She is already getting what she wants right now, which is basically all of the emotional aspects of a relationship, but without actually having a relationship. As wrong as that is to you, it is also wrong of her to do to herself. She is holding herself back from realizing she needs to either get out of her marriage, or her and her husband have a lot of work to do to fix it. That is her road to cross, and she needs to cross it alone, not by using somebody as her emotional crutch.