Confused, Need Advice

[Heartbroken01]

My boyfriend and I recently broke up, and I want him back. I would like advice from anybody willing to help. I will type out the entire story, please take the time to read it. I am heartbroken, upset, and confused on what to do. Thank you in advance for any help.

My boyfriend and I met in grade 7. We instantly became friends. In grade 10 we became even closer friends, I began to hangout at his home, we hung out more at school, etc. A couple months later we became romantically involved. It later ended as he had an interest for someone else. Months later he came back to me, and we were romantically involved again. I moved to Italy a week later, we stayed in touch for the first two months, but life happened and we drifted apart. We did not talk at all that summer, but that fall we got back together. We slept together one night, but he had a girlfriend by the next day. Again, we did not talk for the duration of that relationship (1 month) and after that, we began talking again. Not long after we made our relationship official.
We dated for three years. It was full of love, laughter, and everything you could ever hope for. We planned our entire lives together. From school, to marriage, careers, kids, etc. He gave me a promise ring and promised to never leave me. We were head over heels for each other.
Recently he started college. Our relationship was very sheltered previous to this, we were high school sweethearts and both took time off after that to focus on ourselves, our family, and work. Anyways, once college started he became a different person. He spent a lot of time at the bar, hung out with kids he wouldn't usually, and started to care less about work, family, school, and even me. We began fighting a lot as i tried to tell him he was going down a bad path and that he should continue to focus on the things that matter in life. Our relationship became rocky.
Three months into college, he met another girl. I knew she was trouble. He began to ignore me, and ditch our plans. I did not take the ditching too hard as I know he has other friends than me and needs to live his own life, but ignoring me was completely out of character. One morning, out of the blue, he broke up with me. I cried so much, and he sat there comforting me, hugging me, and crying with me. He told me how sorry he was, and that i would be okay, and that he wanted to remain friends. That day I drove to his home and spent the day with his parents. I asked him to come home and talk to me about this and he agreed. That night we decided to work on our problems, and got back together. Things were fine for the next two days, then on the weekend, he ignored me at night. Turns out he went to the movies with the girl i previously mentioned. Needless to say, we ended things that night. I went to his home the next day to gather my things and we got in a huge fight about this girl, and what he had done. After a lot of yelling, and some items getting broken, we again decided to work things out. We spent the next week rekindling our love, it was like old times. He reassured me this is what he wanted and that he was not going anywhere. We did not leave each others side for that week. Then, one day at school, out of the blue, I get a text message saying "i can't do this". He broke up with me again.
He began seeing this other girl a couple days later, and they have jumped into things very fast. This girl is the complete opposite of me in every way possible, and she is everything he always said he did not want in a woman. I am so confused as to why he is going for this girl.
He tells me that he still loves me, and does not want to lose me in his life. He wants to remain friends. We hangout every day that he is not at this girls house. We even slept together one of those days. He is acting completely out of character with her. His family and our friends all say that they think this is a phase and that he will realize that he misses me, and come back to me in time. And i hope that is true. We had a passionate, real love, and i don't know how he threw it away so fast. I think his mind is lost. I think he wants to experience what else is out there. But after three years, he moved on so fast and i don't understand why,
Can somebody give me advice on what to do? I want him back so bad, but this whole situation is more than i can handle and i don't know what to do anymore.

[basilandthyme]

Hearbroken, I don't think he's acting out of character with her. I think that he ended up with her because he changed after starting college.

We all go through enormous changes during this stage of our life. At the stage of life you are at, it's not at all uncommon to make huge changes every couple of years. He won't ever go back to being the person he was when you were at high school - and he won't stay as he is forever either. Growth, change and lifestyle experimentation is completely normal. What he wanted in a girl two years ago will not be what he wants forever.

I think that you did yourself a disservice by criticising his life choices in college. It's not your place to tell him that he's making wrong choices and going down bad paths. If you weren't able to deal with the person he is now, then rather than telling him that he's making bad choices, it would have been right end the relationship because "we've grown in different directions"

You say that you want him back so bad. Your only hope in getting him back would be to accept that he is in the process of change and embrace it. But if you can't be positive about who he is now, then it's time to walk away.

[Wakeup]

I'm sorry you're hurting but you have to realize (read back your own opening post to see what I'm about to say) that this boy has been dumping you for other woman all through your time knowing him.

Three months into college, he met another girl. I knew she was trouble.

SHE is not the trouble. The trouble is your boyfriend just dumps you whenever a new skirt looks his way only to get back to old faithful (you) when ever the new girl sours on him.

You are better off without him but you'll never realize that if you keep allowing him back into your life after he's finished with the last girl he left you to be with.

Please do yourself a huge favor and don't ever let him back into your life again. Whatever you do... do not remain in his life in the demoted state of "friend" while you torture yourself watching him and this newest girl he nexted you for get on together) That will destroy any confidence and self-esteem you do have left.

All this getting together and breaking up has left you with very little self-esteem and next to zero confidence. You can do better then him but first you have to totally convince yourself (and rightfully so) that this guy is just coming back to you until another opportunity comes his way. He's done it over and over again. DON'T let him do it again.

You will get over him and you will be fine and you will eventually meet someone that wants you for a LIFEtime. But, you have to exorcise this douche from your life and work to be open enough in heart and mind(free of thoughts or wanting him) to let anyone new in. Start the process today of becoming indifferent to him.

In time, you'll be glad you did.