I am not even sure where to start with this, it is probably one of the stranger stories that you will read on this forum - or perhaps even the strangest thing you have ever read or heard of. Where should I start...
Me and my wife lived together for 3 1/2 years before we got married, we have now been married for 6 months. We have had a good relationship – although last year in January she asked for some space as she was unsure about us, so I backed off and gave her space... she contacted me 3 weeks later and said that she missed me so much, we got back together and everything was great.
First, we went to the registry office (due to the fact that her mother is a Muslim) followed by going to the mosque. We then waited another 2 months and had our big church ceremony (which was a Christian blessing (her father is Irish - her mum is Sudanese, it is an interesting mix). The church ceremony was exactly 3 months ago.
About a month and a half ago she said she was unsure about us and if she is still attracted to me, she then took this back and said she didn't really mean it... so I brushed it off (how stupid was I?) and continued to act as though everything was ok. I smoke weed at weekends which she doesn't like – and apparently in between the time she told me this and now – I got worse and more distant toward her which has now resulted in her wanting a divorce. I have absolutely no problem stopping the weed – and working hard to resolve our issues, but I fear it is to late for this now.
Another reason behind this (beside me smoking weed and being distant, which I don't entirely agree with) is because she went to Sudan a month after our church ceremony and saw her cousin (who proposed to her when she was 16, over 10 years ago) and suddenly realized that she has strong feelings for him. Ever since she returned from Sudan she has been constantly messaging all her different cousins on whatsapp, calling them and talking in Arabic, and listening to Arabic music. I am quite convinced that she has been brainwashed.
What I don't understand is why she decided to marry me, and is now deciding to throw me away in SUCH a small amount of time. She doesn't even know her cousin very well, she has barely spent any time with him to develop any real feelings and I think that she is acting on pure impulse at the moment.
Let me point out that she was never particularly religious before this, and never practiced anything and would often drink wine as she returned from work.
As you can imagine, I am devastated - but at the same time I am very angry as well... and I think that she is handling this situation like a child, almost every person I have spoke to about this always asks: "how old is she?!"... well she is 26, and should be emotionally mature enough to know what she is doing.
She moved out of our place a week ago saying that she needed space, so this is exactly what I am giving her, and in this time has sent her friend over while I was at work to collect the majority of our things and put them into our car (which her dad gave us as a wedding gift). What makes this situation very hard is that she has just finished her job and is going to move to her parents, before starting her new job in a different city (this was always going to be the plan anyway, and I was going to move there with her after she has spent some time with her family).
She has agreed to go to relationship counselling, but she is being very vague because she has said that she will need to see how work is going before she can confirm if she will attend or not. If she doesn't I will go by myself to sort my head out.
I am pretty sure that in the long run she will see that she has made a big mistake... She is pursuing a career in England, as a lawyer... so there is no way she would be able to have a relationship with her cousin over in Sudan and maintain her career... she is living in a fantasy world in my opinion.
I wanted to add that she is actually a very intelligent woman, but I think that she is extremely confused right now. She wants to be closer to her mother, which would explain the sudden religious beliefs.
What do you make of this situation? It is really painful because we have spent the last 4 years sharing the same bed – I would wake up with her every morning... and now she is gone... it is killing me inside. I can't believe this is happening and I don't know if I should hold on any more – it might just result in more pain (as the first time she asked for space was already painful enough, now she is doing it again).
We have to be married for another 6 months (as its the law to be married for at least 1 year in the UK). So I think all I can do right now is give her space and focus on myself – while she tries to figure out what is going on in her mind – although right now she is very determined she wants a divorce.