NEED an ADVICE

[redjake]

Hello to all who will read and can read this :

I have this office mate of mine. It started 3 months ago. Started in Facebook then text then often times, email during working hours. I don't know but I fell in love with her from the start. But from the very beginning when I asked her about her last relationship, she said they are not officially break up and she really love that guy so much. Btw,their relationship is 7 years. But I insisted my feelings for her. Meaning, i tried to win her heart. We always go on lunch or break at the same time. Go home same time. To cut it short, i don't believe in "MU" but I guess that is what he have. Problem starts last of week of April when she said that her ex texted her and trying to continue their relationship. At 1st, I said to her that I will wait for decision. But she said, 70% she will go back to her ex. I was hurt but i think it's my fault from the beginning. She confess she has feeling for me but not enough to let go his ex-bf. She said she will get back to him at the end of the month (after her finals) because she don't want to be distracted. I know it's only 3 months, but I really love her. it's hard for me to move on.

[Wakeup]

That will teach you to try and get with someone who is in a relationship and has clearly told you that she loves him.

Respect yourself more in the future and stay away from girls that are not free to be with you.

[Nilah]

It's not exactly "your fault", that is the kind of thing that just happens sometimes.. And certain times it eventually works out, and otherwise you have at least learned from the experience, and will hopefully find someone who will only have you in her heart!

Honestly, I think that I understand your situation quite well, and I think that even if she would change her mind about you, it might be dangerous with such a relationship. The best thing would be that she gets over her feelings on her own, and THEN moves on to feeling for someone else, and not getting over someone by getting into someone new - that way the old feelings will probably eventually emerge in some way again, since they're just covered..

I would advice to try to keep some distance from her for a while, and by doing so giving her some time to figure out everything properly.

[TheEvilJester]

I think most of us could understand how you feel, falling for somebody you can't have. So, I wouldn't necessarily blame you for what happened. Unfortunately, hindsight is always 20/20 and this advice comes a little too late for you, but I would have honestly suggested you moved on the second you found out she was in a relationship (albeit one that was currently "on a break") and insisted that she loved her sort of ex and wanted to get back with him.

I can understand, you saw this as her technically being available and free to date, so you were hoping she'd like you and want to go out with you. The problem there is, she told you herself that she was still hung up on her boyfriend/sort of ex. That, right there, should have been your cue to forget her and move on. Heck, you never know.... Maybe in time she still would have eventually left him. If that did happen, she'd probably need a little recovery time, but then after an appropriate amount of time, you could have made your move then.

The problem is, you tried to make your move when she was still hung up on somebody else. Maybe, in time, she actually could have been interested in you, but right now she is blinded by this other guy. You should never put your life on hold waiting for somebody who may not even ever become available. If she became available in time, then great, but you are unfairly holding yourself back. What did you get from it? Nothing. You just hindered yourself from potentially finding a great gal who IS available only to find out that she was just going back to her ex after all.

Unfortunately, it is too late for that advice now, so my advice for now would be the same. As hard as this may be, move on and forget her. There is still a chance maybe she will wind up single, and if you still happen to be at the time as well you could try again then. Just don't wait around hoping she becomes single. That may never happen, or may take a very long time if it does. You could be missing out on your soulmate (if you believe in such a thing) because you are waiting for some gal who isn't available. Like anybody would, you deserve somebody who will want to be with you as much as you do with them. You should be somebody's prize, not their consolation prize.

Good luck to you.

[redjake]

Thank you

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Thank you Nilah

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Thank you so much Mr. Evil jester..I really appreciate your response. it really enlightens me....