during sex

[Gabrielle777]

When I have sex with my partner of 8 years he always asks me did my ex husband do this or did he do that or what way did he do it. I told him I don't want to think of my ex when I'm making love with him but he says iv been with him a long time (20 years) and had kids with him (my ex)..I tell him it doesn't matter.. I walked out on the marriage. Why does he do this..is he jealous.. Insecure.. Or does he get off on thinking about what me and my partner got up to..would love some advice please.. Iv asked him to stop but he waits till we are in the throes of passion and asks all these questions

[Wakeup]

Have you asked him why he NEEDS the answers to these questions? If so... what did he say. If not, why haven't you?

[basilandthyme]

I agree that you need to ask him why he does this. And for what it's worth, I think that it would be helpful to express anger and hurt about the fact that he does this to you. I know that you've asked him to stop - but you need to TELL him to stop - and in no uncertain terms. Do not use the word "please" when you're telling him to stop.

How often have you gotten out of bed and walked off, leaving him unfinished, when he does this? This guy needs some serious negative consequences for his behaviour.

[Gabrielle777]

Yes I have asked him but he just says ah I just want to know and he gets all embarrassed and shys away..he just won't talk about it..then he stops for a while..but when the sex is really intense he starts again..iv tried just ignoring it and not answering but he just keeps on saying "tell me..tell me I need to know"...

[eve.ashley]

i'm really sorry but that is disgusting. disturbing and disgusting.

[Wakeup]

Yes I have asked him but he just says ah I just want to know and he gets all embarrassed and shys away..he just won't talk about it..then he stops for a while..but when the sex is really intense he starts again..iv tried just ignoring it and not answering but he just keeps on saying "tell me..tell me I need to know"...

Tell him to get out of your bed when he does that. If you're in his bed then just get up and get dressed.

As Basil says... YOU must make it clear to him that his behaviour is unacceptable and you will not allow it.

[chava]

Maybe you love this bloke and want to get things mended. I couldn't put up with it - look, if you tell him to stop and he doesn't, he's not got a lot of respect for your feelings. What kind of marriage can you have with someone who's more interested in himself than you? I'd look to the future - I can't imagine being married for twenty years, but it would have to be a man that I found easy to live with and who found me easy to live with

[Itscomplicated7]

Gabrielle777 do you think he might be looking for affirmation that he does things better than your ex? Just a thought.

[SueNami]

I agree... He may be unsure that he's everything you want in bed. He may also be fishing for something like "Oh honey I can't even think remember him anymore!" or whatever, like fishing for a compliment.

OR

He has an interesting fetish thinking about you with other men. It isn't unheard of.

Communication is key! But if you want him to share you really do have to be non-judgemental.

[basilandthyme]

Oh, I didn't see the last answer from the OP. As much as I hate continuing an old thread, I have to agree with Sue and say that it's a fetish. And yes, not at all unheard of.

While I don't *need* to hear about my partner's exes, knowing stuff isn't a total turnoff either....

OP, he needs this in his sex life. The way I see it, you can either run with it and play it up - or end it and find someone you're more comfortable with. If you don't want to revisit the idea of sex with your exes, perhaps you can compromise by sharing fantasies about someone else from a long time ago. But nobody would judge you for moving on from this

[Chock]

I'd favor some positive thoughts, not negative. Perhaps responding... nothing, and that's why I'm with you.

[basilandthyme]

I'd favor some positive thoughts, not negative. Perhaps responding... nothing, and that's why I'm with you.

Who are you talking to Chock?

[Chock]

Who are you talking to Chock?

Im posting to the OP, or anyone else that has a problem with a partner bringing up how the previous lovers were right in the middle of sex. I'm fortunate, and haven't had this problem.... when I've talked about the past, just general comments, no details. If she or I want's a particular kind of love or action, we just ask, or say "I like it when you xxxx" and no details of how that was learned.