Hi I'm new here. I was hoping maybe some women could give me some insight on why it is so difficult for me to find a girl and if I'm doing something wrong?
To begin with I'm 24 and a virgin. I also suffer with social anxiety. This has made it difficult at times for me to approach women or feel comfortable around them but I have always done my best never the less. I have tried online dating many times but with little result. I have also tried talking to women in various situations (women I've met through friends, women I met at parties and so on). The way I feel about it is that usually the conversations are going okay. Occassionally it has eventually lead to a date or at least hanging out at some social event. But from there on it's going nowhere. None of these women really seems to get that interested in me or feel anything for me.
Something I have noticed especially online is that once I mention my social anxiety women often either stop replying or seem to get 'colder' to eventually stop answering my messages. The same is true for when I have been completely honest about me being a virgin, which has happened a couple of times with people I talked to online that lived far away (so we couldn't meet up that quickly and ended up talking a lot instead and eventually entered the subject sex). I wanna be honest and upfront about myself but I don't know, maybe these are things that are big no-no's for a lot of women?
I don't feel like I have too high standards. It is important for me that it feels good personality wise but aside from that I don't care very much about things like location, age, race or looks. I think so many women are good looking in their own way.
I have in the past asked some girl friends what they think about me as a person to try & get an objective view on how people see me. These are some qualities they mentioned.
*Honest *Friendly *Funny *Intelligent *Mature *Good looking *Caring *Full of surprises (in a good way) *Messy (I'm not always so tidy hehe) *Polite *Respectful *You speak up when something ain't right *Best friend one could have *Bit quiet/shy at times *Excellent taste in music
I also have a mother, sister and some cousins that has talked about me being single more than once and finds it unbelievable I haven't been in a relationship yet. They seem to think I should have it really simple with the ladies based on how I am as a person. Even my former shrink once said she was very surprised I never been in a relationship. So according to other people and also how I see myself I don't really understand why the interest for me seems so low.
But I think the main problem here is that even if it would be accurate I have a nice personality which I'm not sure about, most people never get the chance to see it. I mean there's only so much you can show of yourself in a single conversation or on one date. So we are back to the problem that I seem to get turned down at an early point. I have also wondered if it could have something to do with my looks. I don't think I'm very attractive so maybe that could be another reason. I know many people say women are less shallow than men but I don't know if that's true. I think stereotypes are often incorrect, after all we are all unique individuals so I'm sure for many women looks are important too.
This is getting long so I will wrap it up. Anyways, it really saddens me to be so lonely and that no one seems to see me as the type of man they desire or want to be together with. Some days I just feel like there is no point trying anymore. I have been fine with being single for the most part earlier but now I'm soon turning 25 and I have to admit by now I really would want to find someone to love and be loved by. I don't know if I'm doing anything wrong and I hope maybe someone on here has some theory why I keep failing. I have tried to include as much information as possible but if there is anything else you need to know feel free to ask and I will share. Could it be something as simple as my social anxiety, my looks or my virgin status that is repelling women?