okay guy please be honest, is my husband cheatingm fallen out of love or what

[hswindell]

ok here goes, ive been married for 14 years, I have 4 children one is blood. all the children are no longer at home. my husband was told by his doctor he could not go back into the same field of work due to health reasons that was 7 years ago, he has not worked since. I have supported him 100 percent ssi turned him down. up until six months ago, he treated me as an equal and a queen, and I treated him the same. lately he acks as if he is the ruler of the universe and I am lower than low. he treats the car dog and his video games better than he treats me I have not changed the way I treat him. however he calls me a spoiled selfish stuck up bitch. and says I am being mean to him all the time. I know menopause has kicked in and my emotions make me feel like im going crazy but I try very hard not to snap at him. I have people I don't know in my community telling me its okay, honey we all see whats going on, this confuses me. he does work on neighbors homes and cars, but ive been waiting two years for my second bathroom to be finished, and he wont work on our car, one particular neighbor (female) calls him for help he is out the door in a flash, if I answer when she calls she forgets why she called, when she sees me shes is rude and give me evil looks, ( he swears he is not cheating but he does more for her and show her more respect than he does me) I am at the point I have moved into another room. and don't even talk or look at him any more, when I do try to talk about my feelings he blows up and starts screaming yelling and throwing things. what has changed

[Fuzzyfeeling]

As a man i can assure you it's not your fault ,neither it's his fault,let me elaborate.

if i had my wife being the breadwinner ,and i'm just sitting there, not supporting the family. As a father and even as a male i'll try to somehow show that iam the one in control or the one who has authority to the family and is the one needed,and not my wife, that's what the subconcious basically does.
People practice their authority in lots of various methods, some get physical so on and so forth.
All you have to do is be considerate ,that does NOT mean you should keep quite and keep on suffering, talk to him.
Tell him how he's important for you and for the family,tell him that despite his medical issue you still love him ,tell him despite his inability to work you do know if it wasn't for that he'll support if not hold up the family.

And yes he could cheat ,since he views you as a woman he isn't worth having ,trust me tell him your feelings and show him how important he is to you,and for the family.

Best of luck to both of you😉

[hswindell]

the problem is he could work part time at least and not in his chosen field construction, he could work at call centers restraunts walmart yes he would not make the money he was making but it would get him out of the house and help the family, I have tried to be supportive and help him but he just get mad and starts yelling again, I tried talking to him again last night since we haven't talked in a couple of days, he would not look at me or talk to me was completely disentersted. and I was trying to talk about things he likes, cars, etc. he just kept looking at the tv and his game controller and the game wasn't even on. he seemed more interested in video game playing than he was communicating with me

[Fuzzyfeeling]

This must be really hard for you ,after all those years and i really do sympathize with you for being that patient ,breaking up surely isn't an option. Have you thought about moving out for you to take a break/and for him to set his thoughts straight ,also that should include the finance spent on him ,because this hard earned money and emotional support given to him ,is a thing only you can do ,and not even the neighbor woman could do the things you're doing at the moment,i would really suggest to spend some time away,both for you and him as well.

[basilandthyme]

Yes, he's cheating with her. And it's not about loss of love for you - it's about loss of respect.

One of the problems is that expectations of him are extremely low, so there must be an element of you not respecting yourself adequately. Problem is, if we don't show respect for ourselves with appropriate boundaries and expectations of those around us, how can they respect us in return?

Time to start showing yourself some respect. Figure out what is appropriate in your life and don't accept any less. If that means kicking him to the curb, then so be it. But he will never respect you while you don't respect yourself.

Edited to add: his behaviour is not your fault. He sounds like a Class A abusive dickhead. But the behaviour continues because you continue to support him no matter how horrible he is to you.