Do I give up?

[Hawkstar]

(Sorry for a long post)
Today I felt the worst I think I ever have. Considering how terrible it felt, and the circumstances leading to it, I believe it may very well be heartbreak. Now, let me give some context. So this girl that I may or may not be head over heels for and I have been pretty good friends for a while, and I felt like I was getting close, considering she said some very nice things to me, and we were planning a day to go and chill and watch a movie, our third time doing it. Now my biggest mistake was that we decided that neither of us really wanted to host, so we decided to watch it with a friend. When we got together, my greatest fears were confirmed, because they were very close, but there was some things she told me that she didn’t confide to him so I thought it would be alright, but I’ll get to that a little later. So anyway the original plan was for me to show up at the friend’s place the day after this event thing. But after the event we decided to just stay the night over there so I was like “alright, sweet.” So we went over there and we put on a movie and our friend’s older sister who is really cool decided we make a “spoon train”, after me and the girl flirted and cuddled a little bit. Now, this was an amazing feeling being so close to her but eventually she got uncomfortable and she and the friend’s sister switched places, away from me, which made sense considering it was weird having the siblings cuddle. So anyway we all basically fall asleep and I get up to go to the bathroom and I saw a sight that made me sick to my stomach. The girl and our friend were crazy close, like she was laying on top of him. So after that I saw the friend motioning to me, pointing at the girl and saying “WTF” so I decided to go out for some air and take a walk. Now during that walk I got really sad, thinking that all of my work that I had done for the past year was done for nothing, I tried being as supportive as possible with everything she was going through, self doubt, parental issues, etc, so I thought I had something. I go back and they both wake up (the friend first) and he sees that I’m visibly upset and asks if I’m OK. I’m obviously not but I still say I am. Then he leaves to go get food, and the girl starts talking to me, also seeing that I’m visibly upset, (the sister found somewhere else to sleep) and asks if I’m ok, to which I again say I am. Now for a little more background, for the longest time she refused to be in any romantic relationship with him or having feelings for him. But she then tells me that she has developed feelings for him, which obviously crushed me more. So then after we get food the friend and I decide to take a walk. See, this friend and I are pretty good friends, so I decide to have a “bro talk”. I tell him that the girl has feelings about him and he should figure out what to do about it. He says he’s too busy to worry about having a significant other, and was uninterested. The next day, while watching another movie, they started hardcore cuddling again as well as holding hands. So needless to say I was ready to just leave, so as soon as the movie was done I just went home.

So its been a few weeks and I decided to throw in the rest up to this point.
So when I was typing up that last bit I was texting the girl and we ended up talking about crushes, and she somehow coaxed me into telling her I have one. Then I started telling her about it, because I had the genius idea that maybe she’d tell me what she would want. So then a couple days later I finally confessed my feelings to her over the phone (I’m too chicken to do it in person ok) and I knew I was screwed when she said “I can love you for your bravery”. So we talked for a little bit, most of it being awkward silence, and she said she didn’t know what to say. So I tell her to think it out and answer later. A couple hours later she tells me of all the issues, and says no. So I’m pretty upset by that and the next day she calls me and says her answer wasn’t final and she wanted to talk in person, and me, being the extremely honest person I am, says that I’m afraid of the confrontation. She tells me I really shouldn’t worry and I get my hopes up. The next day we meet up and we talk and she says no again. So at this point my emotions have been yo-yoed a couple times and I’m not feeling the best. I go home and she starts texting me, saying that I may be able to win her over in the future. I asked her if she was just saying that to make me not sad, and she said yes. While we’re talking she starts saying how she’s considered me in the past but always thought it would be weird because we’re such good of friends. So I ask if I effectively got myself friendzoned and she says “No because the friendzone is bullshit”. So a couple weeks go of me being as nice as possible and pretty much doing my normal stuff. So a few days ago we were having another one of our 3 AM chats and I tell her I love her in a very roundabout way. I say that it gets confusing between her constantly rejecting me and her constantly flirting, so I get her to agree that she’ll stop rejecting me, and she says she’s glad I love her. So by this time my hopes are back up on the rise and today we’re talking about it again and she says she can’t think of anything that makes me undesirable, and that I’m pretty much the perfect guy, and she doesn’t know why she can’t return my feelings, but that she can’t, and she prefers our dynamic as friends. So I ask again if I got myself “friendzoned”, and this time she says yes. I bring up what she said a few days later, and she says she means what she said but if she needs to reject me one more time then so be it. So by this point my emotions has been put on a roller coaster that won’t quit. Now in my mind I want to give up and move on, but I’m still fallen hard and can’t imagine anyone else, to the point I don’t even notice the attractiveness of other girls, so I feel like a piece of shit now because I know how bad she feels about everything. So thats the situation up to now, and any advice would be useful.

[Showmesomelove]

In my opinion...

The good news is you have a friend who genuinely cares about you. It sounds like she is finding it hard to tell you the truth because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

Bad news is that I think she likes you just as a friend.
It's hard to love someone who doesn't return your feelings. In fact it's really really hard. This isn't a negative reflection on you, she just sees your relationship as platonic.

I think the more you push to try to be with her the less likely it is of happening. I would advise that you back off and hang out with other girls a bit.

I wish you well