Wait For Him To Come Back To Me??

[SadLove1980]

After a blow up, my boyfriend a I took a couple days away last week. I didn't see him for 3 days, then he only came over for 2 hours to talk. He came by on Monday to try to get things back to normal, but something is off and he was very cold to me. It was like there's a wall between us and we both cried and said it feels worse with us being together. Deep down HE'S the one who's acting cold and distant and I miss him a lot.
We decided not to see each other again yesterday and probably today.
It seems like he's going through something with someone or lying to me about something because when he was crying he leaked out "it's not your fault" and told me he loves me.
We've been together over a year and I don't want to give up on him. If he's seeing someone else, why is he telling me we'll "figure it out" and we have to take it "step by step."
I'm afraid of asking him when I'll see him because it sounds like he needs time away from me to do something sneaky.
Do I wait for him to come around? Keep my distance??? He says he's hurting just as much as I am, but wouldn't he want to see me after not being with me for so many days?? I'm confused as to how to even communicate with him!!!

[woody]

Dang. That's rough there lady.
Can I offer you my insight? Here goes. It sounds like your listening to your instincts and this is good. He may indeed be going through something that has nothing to do with another woman OR there could be someone else, hence him telling you the whole step by step thing. And he could be telling you this as a projection; meaning he hasn't figured it out yet either.
So, do you love this man? Do you really? Down deep to the core?

At this stage I think you need to be careful to NOT become the girl who waits around for him to make up his mind/heart. Time to dose and dose well on your own self respect, pride, self worth.. Difficult to turn one's back on someone cared deeply for but when the option demeans, one has little choice but to toughen up.

Show him your not going to wait around like some love sick puppy. Do not allow yourself to become obsessed. Not saying you will; just saying watch out for it.
good luck.
hopefully others can help you out more

[Wakeup]

What was the "blow up" about and do you argue a lot with one another?

[SadLove1980]

We've been together over a year and hardly EVER argue - our relationship was healthy and loving until a month ago when he started talking to his friend's ex-girlfriend, then he started acting weird.
Our "blow up" was about him feeling like he's closed in and that I'm being in control in the relationship, which was NEVER brought up. He said he feels like I'm making him live in a bubble - but that came out of left field. It's like he's hiding an affair, in which case he should just end things with me and we can go our separate ways..he keeps saying he wants to be with me BUT he's afraid... this is NOT like him

[Wakeup]

Oh, now that you've given more detail your situation has come back to me (re your other thread) Just a guess but it sounds like he's having an emotional affair with her and now may be having doubts about you and him. Don't freak out because I don't know for sure but if your troubles only started when she came into the picture then the timing fits.

Why don't you suggest to him that you would like to get to know her better too and that you'd like to set something up with her for you and she to do something fun together. See how he reacts to that. If he balks at the idea then I'd say my gut is right about him/her. If he's all for it then maybe it's just an innocent friendship and you can relax your angst about it.

In any event, I'd not be waiting for him by the phone to make up his silly little mind and I would be doing my best to hang with friends and do things to keep him off my mind. I'd give him two weeks of no contact and then I'd phone and end it with him if he didn't call me to see me within that time period.

You don't need to be sitting in limbo for him to figure himself out forever.