Subconscious interest?

[arcticghost]

Hello. I tried to find a good place to ask this question. If this isn't one, I'm awfully sorry. I'm aware that it's probably an utterly silly question compared to everything else on here, and I'm horrifed about asking it, but it's a very big deal to me so please try to be nice. Okay, I'll get to the point.

I have this friend (online friendship) whom I've become very close with in a short amout of time, and this friendship means a lot to the both of us, especially as we're both struggling a lot with life and take comfort in eachother. I happen to dream a lot at nights, and wake up a lot too. The other night I had a bad dream where I had to fight a wolf, and... you know those first few seconds after waking up, when you're all confused? I woke up, and while still in the confused state, a thought popped into my head. The thought was that I love this girl, the friend I mentioned. A second later I came back to my senses, and I was shocked and confused about that entirely involuntary thought I had just had. As far as I know, I have never loved anyone in my life, and I definitely haven't told anyone or even allowed myself to think the word. It's actually hard for me to even type it out. Moreover, this girl has a lot of sides I don't like (and struggle to accept) and -as far as I know - I have no romantic feelings towards her at all, and just fight my inner turmoil to allow myself to have this friend.
So, basically, what I want to ask is; Why would I get a thought like that? Nothing similar has ever happened to me before, and it scared the hell out of me. Could it be that I subconsciously like her more than I will admit to myself? Should I try to write it off as nothing? I don't know what else to say. We're both in our 20's, if that is relevant in any way. We also live on different continents.

I don't know, perhaps I should find a psychology forum to ask this in instead?

Thanks a lot if you take the time to read this and try to offer some insight, it's greatly appreciated.

[Wakeup]

Have you ever had a girlfriend of the in-the-real-kind sense, Articghost? (nice screen name btw).

I just wonder because you aren't allowing yourself to experience the tangible if you have not. You can think you love this girl but you're loving a fantasy and until you meet (would that ever even be possible) then you are wasting some good infatuation on someone who you can't be with when you could be applying it to someone who you could meet, hold hands with and get to know in actions rather then words on a screen that are just words without actions to back them up as truth.

So... have you been with a real girl in the real world?

[arcticghost]

Have you ever had a girlfriend of the in-the-real-kind sense, Articghost? (nice screen name btw).

I just wonder because you aren't allowing yourself to experience the tangible if you have not. You can think you love this girl but you're loving a fantasy and until you meet (would that ever even be possible) then you are wasting some good infatuation on someone who you can't be with when you could be applying it to someone who you could meet, hold hands with and get to know in actions rather then words on a screen that are just words without actions to back them up as truth.

So... have you been with a real girl in the real world?

No, I have not. Not in the interwebs world either. And I don't expect to. I think you misunderstood me, though, which I was afraid would happen. I'm not infatuated at all, which makes that thought so weird and I just want to understand what's going on. I would love to know what it's like, so it's bothering me that I can't be infatuated with this person. Is this maybe why my subconscious is all confused? I think a lot about everything. Overthink it, even.
Holding hands would be amazing and all, but are actions that much different from words on a screen? Actually, don't answer that, it's not relevant to the subject at hand.

Also, thank you.

[Wakeup]

Yes... its a whole different thing and when you get to know a girl in the real world you'll know what I'm talking about. Please don't do yourself the dis-service of stagnating yourself by her being your online friend/love interest. Get out in the real world and meet some girls that you can talk to face to face and become vulnerable to that way. You'll be alone with yourself for a long time if there is very little chance of you ever meeting this girl. Get off the computer and get a hobby or join a coed sports team or a group that meets in person and live life.

Why do you not expect to ever meet a girl and have a girlfriend in real life?

[arcticghost]

I've always been alone with myself, and I always will be. True friends are very hard to find, so that's all I want this girl to be. She feels the same way. She is not a love interest. This is why I wanted to know what the thought meant. It scared me and I wanted to learn more about myself and how the human mind works. Obviously that's not going to happen, and this is getting out of hand, so perhaps you should just lock this thread. Real life is not an option, and we don't need to delve further into that. I guess this thread was just another mistake.

Thanks for your responses. Have a nice day.