Re-Attracting the broken girl

[Ghudda]

I'm 35, she's 31. Met a woman back in January-February that I considered an incredible match for me. I can be pretty picky. She's funny, smart, good personality, interests, education, good job, very good looking, aware what a gym is and healthy living. No kids but wants a few. Total package. We had dinner twice, watched a movie once at my place with her dog. Lastly, we had drinks at a bar by her place and then ended up at her place. Last time I saw her.

Not sure how granular to get here. The sex was probably not incredible. If I recall correctly we both drank too many vodka energy drinks and were tired Went to her place. Talked a little bit. Took off our clothes and passed out. I think she woke me up and things quickly... Escalated.

She's an Aries. I'm a Virgo. Not sure if that matters at all. But there we go.

It seemed like she didn't want any of the dates to end. Even the first. That's partly why I figured date four might be a good time to you know, seal the deal, if that's even a thing. She was very cool, calm, and collected on these dates. I couldn't find anything wrong with her and after I'd really thought about how I felt being with her, talking with her, and just knowing what a catch she might be... I became incredibly interested in her by the end of date two. Both of these dates went on long enough to a really good idea of her attributes.

We met on Tinder (oh jeez..) But as far as I could tell neither one of us were just interested in Tindering (sleeping with) each other after the first date.

We mostly text messaged each other quite a bit in between dates. I'd say about one date a week. Talked about what each other were looking for long term. After we slept together the texting activity from her increased drastically for about a week and then started falling off. A week or so later she texted that she was "wanting to build on our relationship but nervous about things" an explanation for that message was never given. I've never seen her again!

At some times I'd text her and she let me know that she was overwhelmed with a new job and having just moved into the state. A week or two later I prodded her further to find out that she had transferred and moved states intending to be with a guy she grew up with that had asked her to marry him some 3-4 years back. The way it was explained was that she should have realized she loved him 15yrs ago but did not. And when she got a transfer here... She found out that he got some girl pregnant and was marrying her instead.

Pretty terrible news eh? Well I'm trying to turn her frown upside down as well as mine.

The texting falls off quite a bit. I wished her a happy st Patrick's day. Got the same back. Got 3-4 texts from her a few months later. Not really having experienced a dating failure like this... I tried a few things including sending her photos of blossom trees losing their petals and other manner of romantic attempts. She texted back a bit back towards the end of March. She was out of state briefly for work. Then that the fast accumulation of emotions pushed her away and how she couldn't handle it. And then more about her sense of loss over the 15yr guy again.

She's described that she will never be with him but that she's having a hard time accepting it.

Timeline wise. This guy married another girl back in Oct/Nov of last year. Our possible catch, that's very hard to catch, moves into my state in December. So this stuff just... Happened.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. Our broken girl has gone on a few trips with girlfriends and ignored me for the most part. She creates another dating account on another service that I happen to be on... I'm only on two. She opens my profile and takes a peek. Dating service tracks this. I see a familiar face. I message her that we could hang out again if she were so inclined.

She sends back "hmmmmmmmmm mmmm" the longest hmm I've ever seen. Not sure what to make of it. I shot her a couple texts that were ignored.

So I'm not sure what to do about this. The Great White Buffalo is the one that gets away and I probably wouldn't bother posting here if I didn't feel like she's that ideal for me. But, I took the peek at my profile as a good sign (the picture on both dating apps is very distinct, I think it would be odd for her to have thought it was somebody else for ex).

In the meantime I've been lightly dating and, obviously, been so far unable to find such an incredible match. I really doubt I'll find anybody like her ever again. This has been weighing on me for a good 4 months.

[basilandthyme]

Mate, it's not an incredible match if the attraction is waning on one side. An incredible match is incredible for both parties.

Anyway, she's apparently moved on. You've only seen each other four times, so be glad you didn't spend a lot of time with her. There will be more girls. Onwards and upwards

[Wakeup]

The WORST type of "incredible match" is a one sided want... Its particularly dreadful when you're the one with the want.

Ignore her. She's confused and still in love with someone else... that's the second worst kind of "incredible match."

[TheEvilJester]

I wish I could offer you more optimistic advice, but I agree with the others. She is apparently no longer interested. From the sound of it, that is her loss, since it sounds like you two had initially hit it off rather well. I could understand if she is still hung up on some other guy, especially if it is fairly recently for her, but then she should never have gone out with you (or anybody) in the first place. It was wrong of her to play with your heart and emotions like that. I would guess that probably wasn't her intention, but it is still wrong.

I will say this. I think you did the right thing in not giving up right away. Sometimes life happens and people run away from something that could have been really good for them. However, you tried and she refused to give you the chance. Unfortunately, I think you have your answer. Forget her and move on. She doesn't deserve you anyway. You will find somebody who feels just as much an ideal match for you, but actually IS interested in committing to you. Why waste your time on somebody you practically have to convince you are worth their time? You shouldn't have to convince somebody of that. If anybody can't be bothered to give you their time, then they aren't worth yours.

Good luck.