he doesn't want to have baby with me

[staryvainne]

I'm 25 and in a relationship with a 47 yrs old man for 51 months now. After a year we met, he made a plan for us. 1. Finish my masters degree
2. Live together and start our future
3. Marriage
4. Babies

Then just last week, he said he doesn't want to have baby with ne anymore. That was really hurt. He has two kids (8 and 11) and they are staying with us. He only touches me once a week and I'm on my 20's and my body needs it.

I wanna be a mother. I wanna be called mom by my kids and wife of my husband. Right now we are on our second plan staying together in Japan but I'm not Japanese.

What should I do? All these years, that plan us my inspiration then suddenly he said that. It's making me crazy right now and can't think well. I want to leave and hate him but I really really love him. And it hurts me everytime I think of it.

Please advice.


Thanks,
Yve

[Fuzzyfeeling]

Have you tried telling him all of this stuff first of all?
Secondly i won't comment on the age gap ,its natural dont worry about it.
Also ,put yourself in his place ,why would he change his plan after all those years ,is there a specific reason?
Details if you may😉

[basilandthyme]

Oh hon, he's 47!! Reality has kicked in and he's realised that he doesn't want to start all over again. For a guy of this age, it's hardly surprising. Your headline makes this all about you (he doesn't want to have baby with me), but it's better to look at this in a more factual way: He doesn't want a baby. Period.

You're only 25 and you have your whole life in front of you. If his goals and yours aren't compatible, then you need to find someone who is compatible with you. There will be love and a family in your future - just not with this guy.

[Sarcasticshoe]

Now I'm not really one to make a judgement on age - but that's a huge age gap. He's just at a different point in his life. I mean, he'll be in his late 60's when your child will be graduating mandatory schooling (high school here in the United states) you need to decide if his decision is a deal breaker - then let him know you cannot contimue to date him if he decided on no children with you

[megvoh]

He knows he won't have the energy for a child when it gets to 10 probably and maybe he was only being nice and saying what you wanted to hear and never really wanted any more kids.
Can't force that issue, if you want them find another man who wants them.

[Fuzzyfeeling]

Or you can have baby with him without him wanting baby with you😏.

[basilandthyme]

Or you can have baby with him without him wanting baby with you.

Just. Wow. o_0

[Chad89]

Both of you have very different priorities in your life right now regarding babies. If you really want them and he doesn't, you'll both have to rethink this relationship.

[TheEvilJester]

That is a big age difference. That doesn't automatically mean you two should not be together, though. Still, that could very well have a lot to do with why he changed his mind. Maybe he feels he is too old to start over again with new children.

Bottom line, as others have said, you need to talk to him about it. You need to find out why he has changed his mind, and if that is likely to remain unchanged. You definitely should not force him to have children if he no longer wants to, but you also shouldn't try to convince yourself you are okay with that so you can stay with him if you really are not okay with it. Even if you think you can convince yourself to live with it, down the road you will probably regret that, and then it could be too late.

So, all you can really do is talk to him. If he never really wanted kids with you and just told you what he knew you wanted to hear, then he was very wrong and I'd say that is somebody you don't need in your life at all. If he sincerely DID think he wanted kids, but later changed his mind, then that is not necessarily wrong. In fact, it is good that he was honest about it. Still, maybe that will mean you two are not the right match after all. That is a shame, but this is not a minor little detail. This is a biggie. This is not something you can compromise on if you cannot come to a mutual agreement that makes both parties happy. So, if unfortunately you two no longer match on this particular issue, then it would be best for both of you to move on.

Good luck to you.