I'm an ex pothead in love with a nerd ?

[Woofywoofy]

I had a serious relationship when I was 16.my exes life was drinking and clubbing.I hated those he broke up. I ended up messing around with brainless drunks for the last 3 years. Now I like a decent guy. But I don't know wether I can really be so decent again and I'm scared that my past will be an issue. But the tired playing around. And my feelings for this person is real. Usually it was always just physical attraction. But to this guy I'm attracted in a weird way. In a intellectual spiritual way. I could talk about the universe with him or about how deep is life not just have physical intimacy. Will he accept me 😕 I'm from an Asian country here virginity matters ?!

[TheEvilJester]

You say you are an ex pothead. Have you turned your life around and stopped messing around with stuff like that? If you are still into pot, or anything else somewhat self-destructive like that, then I think your focus should really be on taking care of yourself before you even think about a relationship.

If you truly do feel that you are at a point where you are finally healthy, emotionally, physically, etc., then why not go for it? If you truly have gotten past it, then he shouldn't fault you for your past. Nobody should. Now, maybe virginity matters in your culture, but that doesn't automatically mean he will care. You won't know unless you try. Good luck to you. Just remember this, though. He isn't the only guy in the world. If it doesn't work out with him, it will with somebody else some day.

[Woofywoofy]

You say you are an ex pothead. Have you turned your life around and stopped messing around with stuff like that? If you are still into pot, or anything else somewhat self-destructive like that, then I think your focus should really be on taking care of yourself before you even think about a relationship.

If you truly do feel that you are at a point where you are finally healthy, emotionally, physically, etc., then why not go for it? If you truly have gotten past it, then he shouldn't fault you for your past. Nobody should. Now, maybe virginity matters in your culture, but that doesn't automatically mean he will care. You won't know unless you try. Good luck to you. Just remember this, though. He isn't the only guy in the world. If it doesn't work out with him, it will with somebody else some day.

Well I haven't had any alcohol or weed in 10 months. But when I get hurt still weed is the 1st thing I think of. Well yeah he is nt the only guy in the world thank you so much for the advice.

[nootkan]

If you truly want to have a relationship then you will need to tell him about your past eventually and sooner is better for both of you. The fact that you've been clean for 10 months is a good thing and kudos to you for making that choice. As this is your first potential relationship with someone who lives a different lifestyle than your previous one, your fears are normal. Don't let them define you. You've shown great courage by abstaining from drugs and alcohol so use that courage to go after what you want. Be honest with him and let him know how much you care for him. Start the relationship off on the right foot by communicating with each other and if it is meant to be the rest will fall into place.

If for what ever reason he decides not to pursue the relationship then it is his loss not yours. You are a special person for wanting to have a better life and taking the right steps to achieve it. As long as you stay strong and keep working hard for what you want you will be fine and there will be other special nerds that will come along.

One other thing, the cravings you have to relapse back to your previous lifestyle when the going gets tough are just a test and nothing more. Use them to remind yourself of where you don't want to be and focus on going forward. You should be proud of what you have accomplished. Good Luck.

[Woofywoofy]

If you truly want to have a relationship then you will need to tell him about your past eventually and sooner is better for both of you. The fact that you've been clean for 10 months is a good thing and kudos to you for making that choice. As this is your first potential relationship with someone who lives a different lifestyle than your previous one, your fears are normal. Don't let them define you. You've shown great courage by abstaining from drugs and alcohol so use that courage to go after what you want. Be honest with him and let him know how much you care for him. Start the relationship off on the right foot by communicating with each other and if it is meant to be the rest will fall into place.

If for what ever reason he decides not to pursue the relationship then it is his loss not yours. You are a special person for wanting to have a better life and taking the right steps to achieve it. As long as you stay strong and keep working hard for what you want you will be fine and there will be other special nerds that will come along.

One other thing, the cravings you have to relapse back to your previous lifestyle when the going gets tough are just a test and nothing more. Use them to remind yourself of where you don't want to be and focus on going forward. You should be proud of what you have accomplished. Good Luck.

I do wanna be honest. I don't want to fool but then I'm scared to tell him the truth. He is such a decent guy and my is so bad

[TheEvilJester]

Wow! Nootkan, that was just awesome! I can't even follow that. That was great advice. All I can say is, yeah, this echoes pretty much everything I was going to say after reading Woofy's above response.

[Woofywoofy]

Well I took your advice. I told him the truth. honedt to be honest I feel much better now. I don't know what he is thinking. I'm not sure wther he disgusts and he is nice to me just because he doesn't wanna hurt me. But I feel good now that he knows everything. It was hard keeping all that to myself . Thank you so much for the advice.

[nootkan]

You're very welcome! And good for you to open up with him about your past. If he is truly a good man he'll like you more for the honesty and courage that you've shown to take control of your life. Now that you know how good it feels to talk about your issues with someone else keep doing it and things will only get better. Have a great life and may you find happiness and the love you deserve!

[woody]

I'm not sure what strain of 'weed' you folks are referring to but where I'm from I get to grow my own and it is not addictive nor is it known to be self destructive.
This being said, moderation and hopefully knowing what it is grown with greatly assists.

I always get a kick out of people who assume the worst of this plant. Yes, mixed with alcohol it is not cool if one goes over their limit.
On its own and in moderate doses it is and always will be (for most) medicine.

[dickriculous]

I'm not sure what strain of 'weed' you folks are referring to but where I'm from I get to grow my own and it is not addictive nor is it known to be self destructive.

I got a good laugh out of this one too.

Anyway OP, it's kind of hard to give advice if it needs to be based on your cultural norms because few to none of us live in the same cultural norms. The idea that it's important for a woman to be a virgin is so alien to me that I can't wrap my head around it. Depending on how crazy your past was I can see it being an issue but my idea of a crazy past is probably very different from yours, and you didn't provide very many details so I don't know what kind of extremes we are talking about here. The fact that you call yourself an "ex pothead" as if smoking weed defines you to any degree indicates that we are worlds apart, because I see smoking weed as just something you do as a personal preference. To me it would be like referring to yourself as a "former toast eater".

That said, hope this all goes well with you revealing your past to him. For future reference I think a good general rule of thumb is simply: if it comes up tell him what you think it's important for him to know depending on what would be relevant for the relationship down the road. If it doesn't come up then you don't need to make it come up.

[TheEvilJester]

Woody, good point for sure. Though, you can take anything too far and can become addicted to almost anything. If you let it become too important a part of your life, anything can be bad for you. I think if you are describing yourself as a pothead (or others would), that is when you perhaps are taking it too far. If you are just using it very casually, that is very different.

[woody]

People's definitions vary. Personally imo, a BC pot head is one who wakes and then bakes with copious amounts of ganja, daily. Then again for lunch or every 15 minutes. The room is so full of smoke one can longer tell where the door is. BC pot head 101. Amsterdam? Now that's another story all together.

Yet there are others who assume that because they have the odd toke that they are a 'pot head' Again, maybe to them and for their body, tolerance level, they feel they are. I cannot help but to sense the term is often being used loosely these days.

Many studies indicate that ol' mari is not addictive. Of course one can find studies done that counter this, studies usually funded by a pharmaceutical corporation or government division who's approach is often bias.

But I get what your saying Jester Man. It truly is all about what the individual feels; how their effected. Too much for one is often not enough for another.

good rule of thumb? If one starts buying Visine in case lot, chances are, one is smoking a little too much.

hope your well
woody

[Yololady.com]

If you were about to like him ? why would the country would matter ?

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, it may not be for me, but I think if you just smoke pot now and then occasionally, that does not make you a "pothead." Maybe it is just me, but pothead gives me the negative connotation that you are somebody who overdoes it.