Long Distance Affair

[Guiltyfeelings]

Hello,

Please bare with me this is a long story.

I have been with my Fiancee for 11 years and we have twin 3 year old's, I didn't move in with her until she became pregnant and was basically casually dating her.

I've never been happy with our sexual relationship if I'm honest, it was always myself that instigated sex and over the years I have become increasingly frustrated by that, also that she is not adventurous in the bedroom, she does not have much of a sex drive, talk dirty, get very wet, dress to impress and so on.

In Jan this year I became friends on Facebook with a lady who I knew from a Facebook group we have in common, we started talking just purely as friends every so often via Facebook chat, and found we had lots in common.

By Feb, we was talking daily and multiple times per day, and she gave me her number so we could text (still as friends at this point), but shortly after we both started flirting heavily and sending each other pictures. She went out on a date with another guy but it went wrong and a few days later he dumped her and I received a text from her telling me what had happened and that she was in tears, this made my heart sink and I had to stop what I was doing and comfort her.

After this she told me of her feelings towards me and that she was thinking of me even while on this date but she knew I didnt feel the same, I did and told her so (probably shouldnt have)

Things developed since and we have become really close albeit from over 300 miles away from each other and just using facebook chat and texts, we have sexted, sent pics, sent gifts, and talked like best friends every day since, our texts can easily get to 200 per day and facebook conversation since Jan are more then 35,000 messages.

She wants to meet me and tells me she wants to spend her life with me and believes I'm her soul mate, I have to admit I believe that we are soul mates too, the things we seem to have in common is freaky and we have said the same thing at the same time so often to each other.

But I am so stuck, I have a fiancee and 3 year old twins and joint back accounts and house, I really have no idea what I'm to do, the thought of losing this other lady kills me inside, I have never felt like this before, but also the thought of losing my kids is hurting me massively as well as the thought of hurting my fiancee and family, I am going to end up hurting at least 2 people in any scenario now and I never meant this to happen, I'm not even sleeping at night and not enjoying anything much as this is always on my mind.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

[basilandthyme]

There is a strong link between you being dissatisfied in your current relationship and seeking love and affirmation elsewhere. I believe you owe it to your family to do all you can to save your existing relationship. If it cannot be saved, then end it properly and move on.

Let's run with the idea of leaving your partner for the other woman. Imagine hurting your partner and kids and then finding that this other woman isn't your soulmate. Given that you haven't met this woman in person and haven't spent months together as a couple, it's far to early to be throwing around terms such as soulmate. At this point, all you have is infatuation. Yes, infatuation is overwhelming and feels magical, but the reality is that you can only truly tell if it's more than that after spending much time together.

I suggests you don't walk away from your existing relationship without both of you giving all you can to fix it. Cease contact with the other woman and get yourselves into marriage counselling. Your children deserve nothing less.

IF working on your relationship and counselling doesn't work, then end this relationship. When it's formally ended, you can be free to move on to whoever you want without regret.

[woody]

I've never been a advocate for affairs but I am an advocate for love.
Realizing your engaged, have twins and have been with this fiance for a decade without actually ever getting hitched says allot. I would imagine that since it takes two to tango, 'she's' not feeling it either in the ol'sack department; hence, you owe it to both of you to make a decision.

This being said however and regarding your new chum/friend/romantic interest; you have never spent any actual one on one time with her. You don't even know what she smells like, how you feel around her, none of that human contact type of stuff that is so important.
Connecting with one through letters, texts, calls is not the same as sitting across from them and feeling it.

You sound like your tortured a little here, maybe allot. Many will tell you to stick it out with your fiance; try to make it work. But chances are, if your not happy, she isn't either and no kid wants to grow up with unhappy parents as it teaches them that 'settling' is normal and standard procedure and it shouldn't be.

You must find out more; but I will end with this: You owe it to your fiance to find a way to the truth not only for your benefit but for her's as well.
Affairs are messy and hurtful. Break free first. Find out more.

[Wakeup]

Okay... fasten your seatbelts because it's going to get real bumpy in here:

our texts can easily get to 200 per day and facebook conversation since Jan are more then 35,000 messages.

How can you possibly be nurturing your fiancé to want to **** you when you're spending most of your time on a computer fake ****ing some tart who (I'll assume) knows you have twins and a spouse?

Snap out of it and grow the fk up. If you put as much energy into seducing your partner as you have been in masturbating to sexting and nudes, I'm sure your love life IN REAL LIFE would be a hell of a lot better.

"Soul Mate" Are you for real? You've never even met her ffs. For all you know she's a raving lunatic who is stringing 8 more chumps just like you along for her ride.

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*sniffs* I smell Troll.