my first real love

[Justm]

Hello !!! I am 20 years and I have been in love with a girl in my university for 9 months ! It's the first time i feel like this ! A couple of months ago we started talking and i wanted to talk to her but I couldn't ! Yesterday she was leaving for her hometown for holidays and i wrote her a message where i told her everything ! I spoke to her like I was talking to myself ! I told everything about I feel for her ! She told that she hadn't thought of me that way , that she doesn't know what to say and that she thinks she is somewhere else emotially ! She broke up with her ex 4 months ago , he wants her back , she has feelings for him but she won't go back to him ! We haven't spoke since that day but i still love her and I will always love her . What is your advise ?? I will see her again in September. What can I do untill then ?? May I chat to her and if yes what can I write to her ? Please help me !

[TheEvilJester]

Well, honestly, my advice to you would come a little too late. That would be, confessing your feelings to hear so fully was probably not exactly the best route. You've only known this gal 9 months, and from your story it would sound like not necessarily that well. Rather than to tell her all that, your better move would have been to just ask her out. Otherwise, you run the very possible potential of her being weirded out and/or scared off because some guy she barely knows is professing his love to her.

What you feel for her right now could be more accurately described as a crush, not love. I say that because you can't really love somebody (as in any form of love) until you've had the chance to get to know them better, and you can't really love them (as in romantic love) until you are actually in a relationship. Trust me, I of all people know it feels like you do, but it isn't exactly the same thing.

Anyway, since it is a little too late for that advice, then all I can suggest now is you respect her wishes. You gave it a shot and she just wasn't ready for that right now. Does that mean she may change her mind down the road? Maybe, maybe not. It could be possible she'd later get over that relationship and then realize she'd like to go out with you. It's just as possible that she doesn't/won't really think of you that way.

All you can really do right now is continue just the way you have in the past. Just continue to be her friend and you will get some clue as to whether or not she at least still wants to be friends. It may be possible she will feel uncomfortable being friendly with you knowing that you like her.

Now, here is the other important advice, which I know is not necessarily what you want to hear, but it is important. If you feel like being around her as a friend will only cause your crush to remain strong, then it may be in your own best interest to keep your distance. You gave it a shot and she wasn't interested, at least not for now. You don't know if that will ever change, and you should never put your life on hold waiting around for something that may never happen.

If you could see being just friends with her, and therefore you could move on and look for other women to date without just secretly wishing you could date her, then I'd say go ahead and be her friend. You never know where fate may lead you. I could be wrong, but it doesn't sound like you'd be content just to be her friend. So, better for yourself if you just move on. Maybe in time she'll get over her ex and try to reach back out to you, maybe not. You just owe it to yourself not to put your life on hold for something that may never happen. If your crush on her is too strong, then the only thing that would help you get over it is distance and time.

Good luck!