Was he leading me on or did I get it wrong?

[Minniemouse80]

I'll make this long story as short as possible, 4 months ago an old flame contacted me (high school sweethearts plus dated for 9 months 5 years ago no reason for that break up that I'm aware of one day we were planning a future and the next he didn't want to see me again he gave no explanation just went completely cold) anyhow he got my number from one of his family members that I know after 5 years of no contact at all and started texting me daily a lot of texting covering everything from future goals to dirty texts. He has a partner and has had for the past 4 years so I knew it was wrong to text him but continued to anyway he also mentioned a few negative things about his relationship but not a lot.
I would back off and he would just keep finding excuses to text again and it would all start again and I'm talking a lot of messages a day. His hours changed at work and the last few weeks there was a lot of phone calls again covering all topics and the texting in-between was full of innuendo often he used the terms "you never know" "maybe one day" "good things come to those who wait" Our goals and wants in life very similar so lots of opportunity for innuendo in non sexual and sexual ways.
Finally I hit him with the big question of is there any chance anything is ever going to happen here? His response to that was "Who knows but if I were you I wouldn't hold my breath" in response to that I sent him a goodbye message telling him I was infact holding my breath and it was now time for me to move onto a reality I wasn't rude and did wish him well etc.
He didn't respond to that and I haven't heard from him since (1 week) my problem is I can't stop thinking about it, I know it wasn't a physical affair but it felt like something and I'm confused to if I read it wrong I'm sure he was leading me on, he always contacted me I never once instigated any of the convo or text him first on any day he started every convo about what a future would be like together and how that would work etc Was I wrong and it was all one big mind game? He was just playing with me to make himself feel better not being happy at home? Should I have said nothing and not said goodbye? I know him and he has low confidence he won't contact me after I've said goodbye. Should I contact him and ask him WTF was he thinking and what was going on or will I just look like a bigger idiot doing that after telling him I did hold my breath?
There's such a history here so much more to it and I need some sort of closure to this where I don't feel like a massive fool.

[Wakeup]

Should I have said nothing and not said goodbye

No you should have stopped talking to him the minute his messages became inappropriate and disrespectful to not only his girlfriend but you. Do you not think that someone in a relationship is being disrespectful to you by thinking that you're open to being the chick on the side? If you don't, then you should probably work on your personal boundaries and sense of self-respect.

He has a partner and has had for the past 4 years so I knew it was wrong to text him but continued to anyway

Yes, definitely work on your personal boundaries so that you don't lose yourself and your good sense for superficial and fleeting bursts of excitement. You've allowed yourself to become addicted to his BULLS*it.

He's not a good person. Just how great do you think he is as a life partner if he was carrying on with you like he was when he has a girlfriend. If you accept what a lousy LIFEpartner he would actually make then you will be able to stop thinking about him. If you accept that you made a mistake, forgive yourself for that mistake of not looking after your own best interests and learn the lesson that your interaction with him was meant to teach you, then not only will you be able to forget about the piece of crap, you will go forward that much more savvy and you won't let a man in a relationship talk to you for more then anything innocent and platonic.

You'll be fine. Start to forget him by immediately changing the subject of him when he pops into your head instead of sitting there in your reverie swimming in your thoughts and memories... I know that's what you're doing now and its the worse thing to do if you're trying to forget a mistake in your life.

Good luck.

- - - Updated - - -

BTW: You don't need him to give you "closure." You gave yourself the well needed closure when you told him that holding your breath wasn't going to cut it for you ~ which it shouldn't. Stop looking for an excuse to contact him and to even give him another thought. HE.HAS.A.GIRLFRIEND.OF.4.YEARS. That is enough closure for any chick with a good sense of self-worth to stop the thoughts of him and what-ifs.

[Nicolelong]

He absolutely led you on. There is NO way he would have talked that way with you in front of his girlfriend. Whether it be to stroke his ego, feel wanted by another woman, or to groom you as a back up girl in case things went south at home, he used you. It was inappropriate on both of your behalf's.

I'm glad that you had the guts to say goodbye and cut it off. Please do not be so silly as to contact him and want more information. He has proven himself to be a liar and manipulator, and you simply don't need him for anything. Don't give him another "in" into your life. You stated where you are coming from and cut it off, leave it as is. There is nothing to be gained from talking with him again. I know you have a history, but you need to remember that you have not been in each other's lives for FIVE YEARS, and that is plenty of time for someone to change into something other than what you remember.

He has a girlfriend, and isn't planning on leaving her anytime soon. The longer you focus on someone unavailable, the longer it will take to get over him.

[thecatsmeow]

Girl,

Please do not contact this man. He contacts you after 5 years and he wasn't even single.

Then when you asked him if there could be anything more than friendship between the both of you he has the audacity to say "Who knows, but don't hold your breath." Gosh! The nerve of some people.

Better off alone than with someone like him. Dust him off and keep on stepping.