would you risk catching herpes for someone you love?

[Knook]

I stupidly slept with the wrong guy and caught herpes. I have a friend who I've been on and off with for years. He has repeatedly told me he loves me and wants to be with me, but there was always something holding me back. Recently I met up with him and confessed to him (and myself) that I do really love him and want to be with him.
I told him a while ago I had herpes and he said it wouldn't stop him. Two days after deciding to make a go of things he tells me he's having doubts, that he's read up more on herpes and isn't sure.
Was it wrong of me to get upset and tell him I want nothing more to do with him? That he should have done he research before saying he wants to be with me?
I feel completely broken and unlovable and just dirty.

[Nicolelong]

While I can understand why you're upset, you have to realize that this man, and everyone else for that matter, has a right to know what threats are present with their health. Genital herpes is a serious condition with potentially disastrous side effects, and it is going to put some people off of you, fair or not. There is a great deal of stigma surrounding the issue that some people will never be able to overlook.

For you to tell him that you want nothing more to do with him is unfair. He has every right to research what he is getting himself into and question the risks involved. Any responsible person would do the same. If you knowingly had the choice to take the risk of contracting this, wouldn't you have done the same?

You are not unlovable or dirty! You made a mistake and ended up with this, and now you will have to cope with it. Lots of people have this and go on to have healthy sex lives and relationships. It just may too much for some to handle and that is part of the package. Don't give up on love because of this

[SuperHappyTime1]

Was it wrong of me to get upset and tell him I want nothing more to do with him? That he should have done he research before saying he wants to be with me?

Wait. Did you get upset with him for having doubts about you having herpes? Or is he upset that you have herpes?

In any relationship, one member having Herpes is an issue. A Big Issue.

It's more akin to marriage than an actual vow of marriage. You can "cure" marriage with divorce, but you can't cure herpes. If one member has herpes, the other member has to be completely okay with the possibility of getting herpes, all the hell that comes with it, and all the social stigmatisms would come with it.

You realized sleeping with the wrong guy was a horrible idea. You are now forcing him into a position that, if your relationship doesn't work, he later has to tell someone else that he "Stupidly slept with the wrong woman and caught herpes." I can assure you having to say this is 100x worse for a man than a woman.

He is in the right to be unsure about a relationship with you. Right now he is putting more into a relationship than you are. He has to risk getting herpes.

All you have to do is prove you are really worth getting herpes for.

[smarta$$]

I can assure you having to say this is 100x worse for a man than a woman.

Lol

And why is that?

[SuperHappyTime1]

Lol

And why is that?

Because men don't get the benefit of doubt. "I made a mistake" turns into "You wanted to screw that b-word/w-word/c-word and didn't give a damn"

[smarta$$]

Sorry, not buying it.

[Knook]

I'm upset by the fact that he's known I've got herpes for a while and said he's looked into it then after saying he wants to be in a committed relationship with me changes his mind because of 'research'.

[basilandthyme]

Why are you putting the word research in inverted commas? Do you have doubts that this is the reason he decided to not have a relationship with you?

[Knook]

I'm not sur. I guess I'm just hurt because he's told me he loves me and it looks like herpes cancels that out

[smarta$$]

I'm not sur. I guess I'm just hurt because he's told me he loves me and it looks like herpes cancels that out

I understand your disappointment. It's really hard to feel rejected over something you have no power to change. Just remember that you did the right thing by telling him... it would have been worse to keep it to yourself, and have him possibly contract it, because then he would hate you for your dishonesty.

You might be better off trying to date someone who is similarly affected.

[Knook]

Thank you all for your advise, it has helped x

[starbar]

He probably didn't realize that there is no cure when he said hes okay with it.. now realizes he is not okay with it after learning more about it. Would you have slept with that guy if you knew at the time you could get this STD??

Personally I wouldn't care if he was the only man on earth and the human species survival depended on us having sex.. If he had herpes he would not be coming anywhere near me

sorry if that is hard to hear but I am being honest