I'm [20M] my girlfriend [18F] of 2,5 years, dumped me then came back, then...

[aMondayInAutumn]

I met this girl online 2,5 years ago. She lives in another city that's about a 2hour bus ride away from my place. We're both kinda nerdy and don't have much experience when it comes to dating(both of us only dated one person before).

Hope you'll take the time to read this. Thanks.

A few facts relevant to the story: 1.Early in the relationship we both agreed to always be open with each other and if there's something wrong or something we don't like - we say it up front and look for a solution/compromise together. 2.We both said we hated drinking. Me, because i hate not being in control of myself and her, because she hates what it does to people. Apparently her father was big into drinking as well and had abusive tendencies when drunk and she couldn't stand that. 3.I'm a full-time IT student at a university.

We used to talk and text for hours every single day. We had similar interests, an almost identical philosophy on life, the same sense of humor and understood each other on an emotional level better than anyone we had met before.

The first time we met up i took a bus to her city. We met in a park where we walked around and talked for a good couple of hours. Time flew by and it was so much fun. One of the topics had something to do with cars and she asked me if i was planning on getting one in the future and what kind of car it would be, etc. I told her i was and that i had some money set aside for it. Later during the date we talked about potentially having a summer trip: renting a place near the beach for a few days and enjoying the sun. We kissed and said goodbye. It felt like the perfect date.

Much to my dismay, things didn't work out as i had hoped. My dad owns a small business and it's essentially what puts bread on the family table. At the time it wasn't doing so well, but it was enough to still get by. Later on, due to some mistake in accounting my dad was being taken to court and therefore needed a good lawyer. He reluctantly asked for my help. He knew i had some money saved up and asked if he could borrow it. I immediately said yes, gave him almost all of my money and promised to help him at work in my free time with whatever i could. I love my dad and he has supported me all my life. The last thing i wanted was for him to end up in jail. On that same day i was talking with my girlfriend on the phone and told her what happened. She said she was happy that i had made the right choice.

We met again a while later. I took her to a nice place to eat in her city, afterwards we exchanged presents in that same park where we first met (our birthdays are only 3 days apart). We kissed and on our way back she playfully slapped my butt and pretended she didn't do anything. I kissed her again. As we were walking back she asked me "So, when are you getting your car?" Again, i explained to her that i couldn't really buy/upkeep a car right now, because i had to help my family. I offered a trip to the beach by bus and told her i had enough money to rent that place by the beach for a few days, so we could still have our dream holiday. But she was having none of it. Wouldn't explain why either.

About a week later she went to a party with her friends where she ended up drinking quite a bit. Just randomly told me her classmate (a guy) drove her home from said party. In a few days i noticed her sort of distancing herself from me. She seemed more reluctant to say that she loves me and things like that. One of our conversations went on to talking about sex and she said "That could've happened... if we had our summer holiday". She refused to talk more in-depth about that and just said "time to change topics". A few weeks later she was almost completely ignoring me. Pretty much the only messages i got from her were "Yes, No, I don't know, Maybe". She also refused to meet me.I asked her if anything was wrong and she didn't reply and started ignoring me completely. Including removing me from her e-mail contacts. So after a couple of days i got angry and stopped messaging her all together. This went on for several months. During that time i felt horrible. Sometimes i couldn't even get a full nights rest. She was the first thought on my mind every morning and the last thought every night. It took a toll on my personal life, including my studies.

After a while i texted her saying: "Please, if our relationship meant anything to you...take 1 minute of your time to read this. I've never been the same without you. Some nights i can't even fall asleep. If my well being means anything to you at all, i'm asking you to take one minute of your time to reply. I just want to know... why? All i want is an answer to that question that haunts me to this day. I promise i wont bother you ever again."

She answered: "Because i was sick of you constantly being busy with something. Studies, helping others, etc. I was fed up with waiting for my turn. So you're messaging me after such a long time?"

Her answer made no sense... like i told her, i wasn't the one who was ignoring her and that due to her stories, not owning up to the promise of solving problems together and overall lack of interest in our relationship, i had assumed she found another boyfriend. She told me to stop being ridiculous about her having another boyfriend, apologized for breaking the promise and started talking to me. We texted for a couple of hours until i called her. About two minutes into the conversation she asked me "So, did you buy a car?" After i answered "no" the conversation went on for another 30 minutes. After that, the texting slowed down. She would take a long time to reply to my messages and refused to engage in anything other than small talk, stating that she didn't have time right now, cause all she did was study and i needed to wait (it's her last year of high school and she was preparing for exams). So i patiently waited for months (up until about a month ago, when she finished her exams). We started talking and the end of our dialog looked like this:. Me:So, you're finally done with your studies I can't wait to see you again. When can i meet you? Her:I don't think this thing between us is going to work out. I'm planning of going to a uni in another city and i don't think you would keep visiting me there (that uni is about another hour drive away from her city). Me:Like i said in the beginning of our relationship, i don't have a problem with traveling to see you. What's the real reason?
Her:It's kinda like that old tale "i thought i was pregnant, but it just turned out to be a stomach ache." I thought i was in love, but... Me:I was afraid this might happen if i let myself fall in love with you again... It's sad that i can't even get closure, face to face with you. Well...thank you for all the beautiful moments we had together. Her:No...don't say that. Me:Is there something wrong with what i said? Her:Nevermind.

After that, i felt even worse than ever before. The next couple of days my family kept asking me if i was sick and were really worried. About a week later i decided to give myself a bit of a makeover, maybe try dating other girls and see if i can forget about her. Asked a barber what he thought would look good on me, got what i thought was a cool haircut and changed my skype profile pic. I was feeling pretty good about myself. Then a couple of weeks later...she messages me on skype, out of the blue. Maybe i shouldn't have replied, but i didn't think it would go anywhere anyhow.

Her:Oh, new haircut? Me:Yeah Her:I was in your city yesterday Me:What were you doing there? Her:I'm getting a dress sown for my graduation. Then we went on to chat about our past, including memories of us kissing, etc. This continued for days, but was mostly small talk. It never really got romantic. If i said anything of the sort she would either change the subject or wouldn't reply. So i asked her: "Why did you message me?" She answered "Just cause..." She wont say anything about what she expects from this relationship. However, just yesterday we had this conversation: ... Me:Will you send me a picture of yourself in your prom dress? Her:Yeah, i'll send it to you on Sunday. Me:Why on Sunday? Is it your prom? Her:My prom is tomorrow, i'll still be drinking on Saturday, so i'll send you the pic on Sunday.

So yeah, her prom is today. I sent her a text wishing her a happy prom and all that to which she just replied "thanks."

So basically, i still have feelings for her that i can't get rid of. It pains me to talk to her like this... like a friend. I guess i'm still hoping everything can be the way it used to be, but realistically...i'm almost certain it wont. I'm also kind of afraid to tell her i want to stop talking to her and i need to forget about her for my own well being...partially because i have never had such strong feelings for someone in my life and partially because she's someone who i can talk to about anything... like a good friend. But every time i talk to her it just brings back old memories afterwards and pulls me down into my well of depression...and i feel it eating away at my life. It's having an effect on my happiness, my studies and my health.

P.S. Just as a side question...she's only the second girl i ever dated, so i don't have a lot of experience with this stuff. Do girls really put this much emphasis on whether a guy has a car? Or was it just her? Cause i don't really understand why...

[dontaskme]

Hmmm..... I wonder how many guys with cars had sex with your ex GF.

Forget about her, she is a cheap, shallow whore who would sleep with any guy who's got a car (in the car). Not worth getting depressed for.

You had a long distance relationship where you only saw each other a few times, that's not quite a relationship. Ignore or block her and move on from the slut.

To answer your question, only immature sluts who are poor put too much emphasis on cars.

[basilandthyme]

The two of you have a long distance relationship. It sounds to me like the distance meant that she wasn't getting her needs met with respect to being able to be together often and spend much time in each other's company. A car would have fixed this and also given far more flexibility in terms of what types of things you can do together. She probably saw a car as a solution to the problems she was experiencing. She saw that it would really help your relationship.

Rightly or wrongly, you prioritised giving money to your family over being able to see her more frequently. That's OK, this is your choice. But it's not a choice she was OK with. She wanted more from the relationship and when she couldn't get it, she moved on. Very sensible of her.

In short, your priorities were not compatible. Hence her ending things.

[dontaskme]

She's 18 now which means that she was only 15 1/2 to 16 years old when you had a relationship with her which means that the twit wasn't mature or smart enough to figure out what she wants or needs in a relationship because if she had the brains and she knew that her needs weren't met, she would have had the guts to tell you that. Instead, she was playing cat and mouse with you.

Bottom line was, the twat was looking for a beck and call boyfriend to drive her around and show off to her friends and when she found out that you didn't fit the bill, she played you for a fool and had gone cold. She's a cunt so forget about her. If she really liked you, she would have given you a chance to prove that distance would have not stopped you from seeing her.

Hey, as you said, there's the bus, the bicycle or hotel you could have slept over just to see her. She even told you that she would have had sex with you only if you had a car. What a cunt! Don't waste your time!

[Nicolelong]

I really think it boils down to you being much more mature and selfless than she is. I can't believe that you are only 20 years old. You sound so mature, and not a lot of young people would make the choice to help your dad out the way you did. It speaks a lot about your character and the type of man you are.

In short, this girl sounds like a user. If she had the motivation to be in the relationship, having to wait a little while longer for one of you to get a car should be a non-factor. If she wanted a car so bad, why not get one herself? It's shallow and presumptive on her part.

I think it's BS that she is basically holding it against you that you chose to help your family rather than buy a material object (car) A good hearted woman would recognize your compassion and not be upset about it. Not only that, but you still offered to rent a beach house (!) for a few days for a romantic getaway. Do you know how many girls would be absolutely THRILLED to have that offered to them? But oh no, that's not good enough for this one because you'll have to take a bus trip there instead of driving by yourselves. Ridiculous! It's like nothing is good enough for her. She's not a princess and should quit acting like one.

If you ended up with her, a car would only be the beginning. You'd then need to buy a better car, then a bigger house, maybe a boat...and don't even think about skimping on her engagement ring! She is materialistic and is too inexperienced and immature to realize that what you are offering her is infinitely more valuable than a car.

I would advise you to not get tangled up on her any longer. At all. You have way too much going for you to end up with someone that doesn't appreciate it.