I've been in a relationship with A. for more than four years now, ever since we were 17. Since we were 11, we've been best friends, and that hasn't changed even after starting a romantic relationship. I was A.'s first girl, the one he waiter for for two years before we started dating and I know he loves me very much. We live together now. All of our friends are mutual, our families know each other. We have same opinions on things, we share the taste for movies, we are both a bit childish, we relate on almost every level.
However, for the past five months, I have been unhappy in a relationship. Even though A. is amazing, I started hating things about him. His laziness - I am the one who does all the cooking, shopping, cleaning; his hypochondria - his back hurt all the time (we are 22!), his head hurts, he sneezes so he simply HAS to be in bed all day, him falling asleep in the afternoon for two hours... I am an active person and I like to grow personally, and with him, it simply isn't happening. I am caught in our little world of Lord of the Rings and Marvel comic books, and when I suggest taking a course of Spanish language or watching a documentary fr a change, he is not exactly hooked. He used to do lots of sports and go out with me for actual walks, now he's just stuck on bed the whole day. I am quite nice-looking and I have always been trying to look nice for him, while he is getting ever sloppier. It's also been a while since I actually wanted to have sex with him. I just feel he takes me for granted.
I can't imagine the future father of my children being so apathic, so lazy, so hypochondric. I want a man who can stand up for me, who isn't afraid or repulsed by the idea of cycling 30 kilometres, who can order and pay for me in the restaurant. The fact that we have a new mutual friend who is all these things - ambitious, charming, instantly gaining everyone's sympathies, energetic - doesn't help, I'm smitten.
Also my family has been quite sad about our relationship, even though until lately they haven't said it out loud.
After we talked about the problem, everything seems even more real. I talked with A. about everything, and he said he loves me, that he wants to change for me, that he'll make it work. For the past week, everything's been heavenly. Suddenly, the back doesn't hurt and we can go for trips. Suddenly, we can watch documentaries, he doesn't crouch while he walks, he's gallant. But for some reason, it makes me even more sad, maybe because he didn't do all that automatically. When I'm alone, I can't stop crying because I'm so confused about what to do. The idea of not seeing the boy I have been seeing daily for the past 11 years hurts badly, but the idea of being in the relationship further does the same.
If I break up with him, I probably lose most of my friends - we usually spend holidays together at his family cottage, New Year's and so on. I don't have many friends besides this core group from my highschool - I know they love me, but I would be the bad one for initiating the breakup. Most are guys anyway, I don't relate to girls as much. I am afraid I will not find anyone who will love me again. I am afraid I might be making a terrible mistake.
I know you don't know me or my boyfriend, but any advice would be much appreciated. My family is taking the side of a breakup, my friends would say the opposite, I think knowing an unbiased stranger's way of thinking would be much helpful.
Thank you everyone.