Is he in to me?

[Sammi05]

I started seeing a guy and after 6 months I wanted to make it official, however he didn't want to as according to him all relationships mess up. So I carried on seeing him hoping he would change his mind but it got to the point that I fell for him. He told me he loved me and he'd never said that to any other women apart from his child's mother. He even meet my mother, sister and friends because he wanted to! He also started to talk about me meeting his mother and child but still he didn't want to make things official! I knew I had to end it because I was getting too attached to him, so I told him that. He was upset but said he understood. I asked him to not contact me as I needed time to get over him. A few months later he messaged me talking about a memory we shared and said he hoped I was well. Again a few months after that he messaged me, saying he hoped I was well. I did end up messaging him recently and we talked through text. He asked if we could meet up and I said I don't know if I can but I would like to keep in touch through message occasionally. He said he understood and if he could at least stay in contact with me to know I'm okay he could deal with that. I don't get it! Is he in to me or not? and should I meet up with him soon, to give it another try? I have totally fallen for him and wish we could give the relationship a shot

[Nicolelong]

6 months is a long time to see someone without making it official. I don't see why he would be so adamant about not being in a Relationship because whether he wanted to make it official or not, it really WAS a relationship. He met your family, you dated for half a year, exchanged I Love You's... sounds like a relationship to me!

You can't be just friends with him when you still have feelings for him. You will only end up falling back into the old trap of doing things his way with your needs unmet. Be firm. Tell him that you can't be friends with him right now because you don't want to get your hopes up then hurt again. Let him know that you have feelings for him still and that being friends will only complicate that for you. If he really wants to give things another try, a REAL try, then it's up to him to make that commitment- and doing it this way lets him know where you stand.

[basilandthyme]

Nicole is right - you can't just be friends while you have feelings for him. You will only get hurt.

From this angle, I'm seeing a very selfish man. Someone who spends all this time with a woman who he has no intention of committing to and now someone who wants a friendship with a girl who loves him. He's all about himself and his own needs isn't he.

Anyway, if there's one thing you learn from this, it would be to dump a guy who openly confesses to commitment issues like a hot potato. Don't waste a moment of your time thinking that he will change.

[CaseySp]

From what I see, he likes you but wants to be able to see other women. Decide if that is what you want - to be able to see other men too. If not, tell him you want an exclusive relationship or nothing at all.

[TheEvilJester]

We can speculate all we want (as can you), and the fact of the matter is I agree with what the others have already said. Thing is, all that really matters is the simple bottom line. The bottom line is you want to be with somebody with whom you can move forward and have a serious relationship. Whether his reasons are perfectly innocent or not, he's not willing/able to provide that. So, you are better off without him.

Now, I could understand if he's been through some bad relationships if that would cause him to be somewhat reluctant to commit to one enough to make if official or move forward. That doesn't make his actions okay. Eventually you have to get over that and move on, because it isn't fair to anybody you may date otherwise if you are never willing to commit. If he knew that, he should have been clear about that from the start and not lead you on for 6 months. I'm sorry, but 6 months is a relationship. Unless you are both 100% clear that you are both okay to date other people and are in no way official, 6 months is too long not to consider it an official relationship.

As the others have said, I would highly recommend you NOT try to give this guy another shot, and would also highly recommend not even bothering to be friends with him. You don't have to harbor any ill will, but you don't need somebody like this in your life.

You deserve better. You need to tell yourself that, and you need to believe it. It may not be easy, and it may take time, but in time you will believe it and you won't want to settle for anything less. By 6 months, the guy should be falling all over himself to keep you, and if he's not then what is the point of continuing?

Good luck to you. I hope very soon you find the guy who will make you realize why this other fella never deserved you from the start.

[Sammi05]

Hi Everyone

Thank you all for your advice, I really needed an outsiders view who didn't know either of us.
I really appreciate your help and totally agree with you all.
You guys have helped me to realize it has to be all or nothing!

Thanks again
Sammi

[TheEvilJester]

Good for you. You deserve somebody who will be crazy into you, just like anybody would. Sure, the honeymoon phase does fade eventually, but that should be a time for the relationship to become even stronger. If he is unwilling or unable to commit, then let him find somebody equally uncertain and good luck to them both. You deserve somebody who will know you are their one and only and wouldn't do anything to hinder that. Good luck.