Should I go see him?

[Whitney]

I met Sam two years ago. We only dated for a few months and he was my first love. He was from California and was working in New York temporarily. After about 4 months I did a little research and found out that he got married recently. I was in shock and hurt, but I couldn't bring myself to ask him. A few days before I had planned to move he dumped me. Then I heard he went after a coworker of mine. When I confronted him about his past I caught him in a lie. He would still contact me and ask me to meet him, but for the first few months I couldn't. Then when he told me he's moving back to California for good I met up with him, but we never spoke about anything. The last time I saw him was a year ago and after that he got divorced. A few months later he invited me to come see him, but then canceled. Then I found out that he was dating someone new and they broke up after about three months. We hadn't spoken since he cancelled plans to meet, and I feel like I was handling it better. Whenever he comes to NY he always asks to see me, but I wasn't there. He was actually here recently and asked, but I was away with family. I really want to see him despite everything. He hurt me, but the time we spent together meant a lot to me. This is bothering me so much I can't focus on anything and I just keep crying. Last year I tried going out with a guy, but all I could think of was Sam, and I felt guilty. Should I take a chance and go to California? I could say it's a business trip. I know a relationship isn't possible right now and I'm not expecting anything. Plus he might not even be there if I go, or he might be busy. This is killing me and I don't know what to do. I'm moving away soon and I won't be able to see him for another year if not more.

[Nicolelong]

If you don't see him for the next ten years, it will be ideal.

You found out he was married (recently married) and you still dated him and never confronted him????? That boggles my mind.

He treats you like garbage, and an afterthought. Your time means nothing to him. He sounds like a guy that knows how to take advantage of his opportunities with women. Let me guess, he's charismatic and handsome? Knows what to say and when to say it to make you forget about all the shitty things he's done?

I would absolutely not go to see him under any circumstances. It's clear to me even from this post that you would not have the strength or willpower to rebuff his advances, and let's face it, if you make yourself available and easy for him, he will probably jump on it.

He is an obvious player, and unless you want to see him, sleep with him, get attached, then get ditched again, I'd do your best to shut these feelings down and move on. You are preventing yourself from meeting a better man by going back for more from this guy

[basilandthyme]

Sounds to me like you have to cut him off. You won't get over him if he's still able to contact you. Go no contact. Delete and block his number, social media, etc etc.