Why Did My Ex Chose An Immature Girl Over US????

[SadLove1980]

I have a feeling my ex left me for a girl who was dating his friend for 8 years. Now, all the time we were dating, he said she's annoying and could never make it in this world - at 34 years old she has NO job, she lives at home, she's a nag and has no prospects for her life. She said she's going to school, but isn't pursuing any degree that will make her successful.

She seems very immature from the 2 times I met her and she's a bimbo - she has nothing intelligent to say and I'm not sure how my ex could leave me for someone who is an emotional disaster and, from what he said a year ago, is not mentally stable.

I have a full time job, I'm 100 % independent with my own apartment and I'm very strong emotionally/mentally - and I've always taken care of my ex, cooked for him, massaged him when he had a hard day and we really enjoyed each other until SHE came into the picture, during which time he said he wants to "spend more time with his friends" which is obviously with her.

Why would a man chose a woman with less self-worth? My ex even moved back to his parents house, like a teenager, to spend more time with her, it seems. Will he eventually get annoyed at being with someone who's life is in a shambles??? While he had a lot of financial responsibility with me, we had an ADULT life with no drama.

Why turn to a girl who's a hot mess with no future?

[pcmaster]

Maybe hes tired of adult life. It gets hard sometimes. Now he just want escape reality and be kid again. You get tired of adult life if you are not adult in the soul.

[basilandthyme]

Changing my comments after looking at your history. Your relationship with him was anything but drama free and mature. In your very first post he told you that he found you controlling and that you didn't give him enough space. Sound to me like he was feeling suffocated and that you holding onto him so tightly pushed him away. If he *has* gone to this girl, it would be because his relationship with you wasn't meeting his needs.

And yes, you do sound judgmental. To call another woman a bimbo is just horrible. She may be unemployed now but at least she's going to school. Her studies may not live up to *your* standards, but she's doing what's right for herself.

[dontaskme]

You're too judgmental and arrogant.... That's why your ex dumped you. A little humility and empathy may help you in your next relationship.

[SadLove1980]

The fact that our relationship fulfilled him for an ENTIRE year and half before this girl came along still doesn't make sense. We were only fighting for the last 4 weeks after he hung out with this girl and a friend of his.

He's always complained and said she was a mess - he was a better judge of her than I after knowing her 7 years. He would make fun of her and at one point said he didn't want to be friends with her if it meant it came between our relationship.

We planned on marrying and having children together and were fine until this girl came along. I can only judge her because he and I were on our way to a stable life together until she seemed to put a wrench in everything, somehow. If he fell out of love with me, he should have ended it sooner rather than stringing me along for a month deciding how to break my heart so he could cheat on me.

[pcmaster]

Feel sorry you hurting SadLove. Hope you will get over it and find someone new and still have children and family like you wanted.

[Mindfun]

since he moved home he sounds like a very immature or slacker type of guy.I surmise that you are the driving force behind him giving him motivation that he should have had himself.he doesn't want it.why should he lives with his parents and date a bimbo. Sounds like a perfect life

[fearoflove]

Maybe because you are overly possessive and controlling? I have never had men who wants to leave me and need time away from me. The complaints have always been that I don't spend enough time with them. I can't tell you everything that you are doing wrong because I don't know your relationship with him entirely. But from what I can gauge from some of your posts, I can point out something that might be helpful.

First of all, did you two already moved in with each other? It sounds a bit early for that. Moving in too early might give off the impression that you are overly attached. Spending that much time together that early also kills off a men's desire to be with you.

Secondly, he said he is scared of you and that he needs time away from you. Sounds like he find you to be overly attached, controlling, etc.

Men fall for women who are independent, seem like she doesn't need him, fun, and leave him wanting for more.

[Wakeup]

Why turn to a girl who's a hot mess with no future?

Because she's more fun then your controlling and joyless ass?


You say "You have a feeling" your ex left you for this so called "immature girl" If you don't know for sure, why don't you find out and then come back in and bad mouth her when you at least have concrete evidence that he is with her?

If he is with her for sure, then my guess "why" is that he is with her and not you because she is a lot of fun in bed since she has no outside, real life worries like bills to pay, a job to be good at or wondering how to survive financially and she just lets him be. She prolly fvcks him like a minx in heat because she can get out of her own mind and give it her all so... he let his dick lead him.

[Nicolelong]

Your past posts show that this has been a very dramatic and emotional relationship. Somehow I don't think that this girl is the sole reason you two ended, and it doesn't sound like he was "fulfilled" throughout your relationship.

The way you describe her is quite distasteful. I understand that you are hurt and angry, but the way you degrade her and put down her choices is a poor reflection on you. It's not your business what she is or isn't doing with her life, and who she does it with. It's not for you to judge or condemn.

It's not uncommon for guys to put down other girls in front of their girlfriend simply to hide the fact that there is an attraction. It's the "thy doth protest too much" theory in action. I've personally seen this happen.

Whatever the case may be, he sees something in her that attracts him and makes him feel good. She clearly has some redeeming qualities that have drawn him that you are not privy to.

Sorry, but you need to focus less on what they are doing and more on yourself. This wasn't meant to be for you two.

[SadLove1980]

Since I haven't heard from him in 2 months, it seems he's still with her BUT he's still got our photo together on FB.
It seems childish to leave your girlfriend who you planned a future with (isn't bills, raising children and doing serious things an ADULT relationship people in their late 30s do??) for someone who only provides hanky panky and no prospects of a future???
The only reason I look down on this girl is because if he plans to be with her, it's ONLY a sexual thing. To be a grown up, they'll have to buy a house together and think in REAL terms...Who wants to be in their 40s and 50s still living at home with their parents and going to bars??? I guess they do....
He and I also had a great sex life -- I actually have a higher sex drive than he did and he wanted minimal sex, which I told him about and he said he's always tired. I'm not sure what kind of future lies in a good lay when you're an old man having a fling with another irresponsible person you can't build a life with. We had the most amazing relationship until she came along, so it's still unsettling...

[basilandthyme]

Sadlove, it's time to come down from your high horse.

[Lilly328]

I also read through your history just to see where you're commin from. You seems very controlling and get jealous so easily. I mean some people do get jealous at some point, i do too, but i don't go on accusing my guy of cheating or limiting his females friends. Heck I ended up friending them and even friended one shady one lately. Put yourself in his shoes, would you like it if he did that to you. I can see why he's suffocating. Maybe he's with the new girl because she somehow makes him happy. Hey, at least she's in school. She can always decide what she wants to do later in life. Maybe put a little trust in the next relationship.

[Nicolelong]

"It seems childish to leave your girlfriend who you planned a future with (isn't bills, raising children and doing serious things an ADULT relationship people in their late 30s do??) for someone who only provides hanky panky and no prospects of a future???"

- No, it's really not. Lots of people realize down the road that the person they're with isn't the one they want to settle down with. They change their minds, they fall out of love, and they recognize that the relationship is not going where they want it to. It's not childish to end a relationship you're no longer happy in, and choose to move on. You're not obligated to be with someone forever just because you have discussed future plans with them at some point. I think most of us would be pretty screwed if that were the case.

"The only reason I look down on this girl is because if he plans to be with her, it's ONLY a sexual thing. To be a grown up, they'll have to buy a house together and think in REAL terms..."

- You have NO idea what their relationship is like. It's always possible that it IS only a sexual thing, but maybe that's what he wants right now? He wasn't happy with you, and now he has found someone to have fun with and enjoy himself with for the time being. You are not in the room with them, you have no idea what they are feeling and experiencing with each other. You are only speculating. You degrade them both for not being "grown ups"....there isn't really a set criteria for qualifying as a grown up? So buying a house automatically elevates you to a "grown up"? I'm confused. Maybe they don't want to think in "real terms" or buy a house together. Maybe they have crazy chemistry together and he enjoys a carefree spirit that doesn't care so much about dramatics? You can assume all you want, but it doesn't make it true.


" We had the most amazing relationship until she came along, so it's still unsettling..".[/QUOTE]

It seemed like you had a lot of issues throughout the relationship that had nothing to do with this girl, evidenced by other posts. I know it's easier to place the blame on her, but I am just not seeing it. You need to accept that this girl has his eye for whatever reason, and it's not your place to judge with such little information you seem to have. If he was truly happy and fulfilled with you, you'd still be with him. And she'd still be out of the picture. When you can start looking at the situation objectively, you will see that too.

[SadLove1980]

So if all these responses are true and he's chosen her over me...WHY hasn't he picked his crap up from my apartment and changed his Facebook page? She is on Facebook with him, so why wouldn't he delete our photo, which is his main picture?? I would think if he fell out of love with me and was so crazy about her and is enjoying life without me, why isn't he taking our photos off of Facebook? He's advertising us as still being together even though he's with her. I've asked him to take the photo down and he HAS NOT, although I have.
Any man that's moved on and was with another woman deleted me from FB and took our photos down. Good luck to him being with another woman and living at home with mommy and daddy at 40 years old (he's only a couple years away), but take your S**T out of my apartment. He has not done this even though he chose to be with a carefree woman who he has "no worries" with.

* If a grown man at 40 reverts to saying he wants to spend more time with his friends (a lady friend) instead of just telling a woman he's fallen out of love with her, he's a coward. And if he can't face her because he feels guilty of his affair, how decent can he be with the one he cheated on his girlfriend with???