Met new boyfriend's two daughters,one is shy

[audreyh]

I met my new boyfriend Robert's two daughters yesterday from a previous relationship,one is shy.He has a 15 year old daughter Katie and 12 year old daughter Alexi from a previous relationship.Everything with Katie went great when I met her and she liked me on the spot.Alexi,she was shy at first and he was concerned about her.Robert and I have been dating about 4 weeks now.Robert did have a talk with her about this and talked to Alexi on the phone.Good thing is she did talk to me and realizing I am nice finally.I even told Alexi that I want to get to know her more.I am going to take his daughters in my life and love them although I am not their bio mom.Katie has been great about it the most and I am going to get to know her also.Any ideas on Alexi?The shyness needs to go and starting to.

[basilandthyme]

No, the shyness does not need to go. You speak on your other threads about accepting your son for who he is - and the same goes for this girl. Her shyness is part of who she is. Any attempt to rectify her shyness should be done by her on her own terms - and certainly not by her father's girlfriend. The only thing you should be doing is being friendly and respectful to her. If she doesn't want to engage a lot with you, then this is her choice.

That being said, have you and your boyfriend considered the timing of all this? You've only been together for 4 weeks and you're talking about making these girls part of your life. The speed in which this is being done would exacerbate the shyness of his daughter. It's too much, too fast. It's good that the girls know you, but it's too early to get close to them.

Enjoy this time with your boyfriend. But regarding the girls - slow down.

[audreyh]

Robert said the shyness does not have to go which I left out.Katie said she was ready to meet me a couple weeks ago.Plans are taking are taking them out for lunch next weekend getting to know them.Katie also kindly asked me why I get around in a wheelchair now.Told her why,abusive ex husband shot me in the back which the bullet hit my spinal cord making me paralyzed from the waist down.Understood and hit her hard,knows domestic violence is a serious issue

[smarta$$]

I don't think he should have introduced you to his girls until you are sure to be a keeper. Actually, I think it was rather irresponsible, after only four weeks... you two aren't even through the honeymoon stage yet!

Too late now; I suggest you avoid a lot of contact until this relationship is more solid. And forget about the shyness, it is not a criminal offense.

[basilandthyme]

Robert said the shyness does not have to go which I left out.Katie said she was ready to meet me a couple weeks ago.Plans are taking are taking them out for lunch next weekend getting to know them.Katie also kindly asked me why I get around in a wheelchair now.Told her why,abusive ex husband shot me in the back which the bullet hit my spinal cord making me paralyzed from the waist down.Understood and hit her hard,knows domestic violence is a serious issue

I'm glad her father says the shyness does not need to go. Which makes me wonder why you did this post about wanting to change her. Why did you not respect him saying that she's fine as she is? And why do you want to change someone else's child anyway?

A child being ready to meet you does not mean that it's the right time to meet. Ok, perhaps to meet casually if you really must - but it's far too early for you to be considering getting close to them. You and your boyfriend are hardly love struck teens with no life experience. You're both old enough to know that a relationship can look fabulous initially when you're wearing your rose coloured glasses but can rapidly go downhill when you get to know them better.

His daughter's knowledge of domestic violence and your history has no relevance in this story.

[audreyh]

Robert told me the shyness does not have to go away.He had a talk with them before we met,Alexi said she was not ready yet,Robert told to try her best on this and is willing to try now

[basilandthyme]

You already said that her father is OK with the shyness. I asked why YOU disregarded Robert's comments and came here for advice on how to fix the shyness.

Robert wanting Alexi to meet you even though she's not ready - combined with having them meet you so early in this relationship - makes me think he has the emotional intelligence of a love struck teenager. If he's not going to act in the best interest of the girls, then you must.

[Starnique]

Your situation was unfortunate but it really doesn't have anything to do with his daughter getting to know you.

His daughter being shy is a part of her character, as Basil said. She will come around when she is ready. Maybe she is observing you, as she should be. If you want to be accepted then you need to respect that and for lack of better terms, back off. The only thing you can do is make her feel comfortable, meaning back off and she will come around when she is ready.

[audreyh]

Said she is ready now and was not comfortable at first.Robert was a little mad at me disregarding the shyness and told him that was my fault which has been resolved.

[smarta$$]

I think if you haven't met her yet, you shouldn't. She is obviously just trying to make her father happy, and didn't become "ready" overnight.

Jeez, I feel for this kid.

[megvoh]

Let her go at her own pace, she will like you more for it in the long run that she wasn't pushed or force into participating with you.
She will ease into it all with you soon.

[audreyh]

Good news is Alexi is doing a lot better now and sees I am a good person.One thing she likes is Mini Coopers and seen my 2015 Mini Cooper saying it's a cool car.Katie and Alexi met my son last night and that went great.Katie saw some girl's clothes in my son's room and he explained to her that he is a part time crossdresser going by Taylor.Katie thought that was cool and respects his lifestyle.I see him borrowing her clothes.Plus my son likes my new boyfriend Robert,they met last night too.

[Wakeup]

I met my new boyfriend Robert's two daughters yesterday from a previous relationship,one is shy.He has a 15 year old daughter Katie and 12 year old daughter Alexi from a previous relationship.Everything with Katie went great when I met her and she liked me on the spot.Alexi,she was shy at first and he was concerned about her.Robert and I have been dating about 4 weeks now.Robert did have a talk with her about this and talked to Alexi on the phone.Good thing is she did talk to me and realizing I am nice finally.I even told Alexi that I want to get to know her more.I am going to take his daughters in my life and love them although I am not their bio mom.Katie has been great about it the most and I am going to get to know her also.Any ideas on Alexi?The shyness needs to go and starting to.

Robert is an asshole for introducing you to his girls this early on in the relationship For all he knows of you, you could be a child abuser or a psycho beotch. Not to mention you may split up and then they have another break up to go through with their father. Gah!

WTF is wrong with people?

Shame on you for introducing your son to a man YOU don't even know.

Sorry... but you're not looking out for your kids best interests in the least. pffft.

- - - Updated - - -

Robert said the shyness does not have to go which I left out.Katie said she was ready to meet me a couple weeks ago.Plans are taking are taking them out for lunch next weekend getting to know them.Katie also kindly asked me why I get around in a wheelchair now.Told her why,abusive ex husband shot me in the back which the bullet hit my spinal cord making me paralyzed from the waist down.Understood and hit her hard,knows domestic violence is a serious issue

Having been in a mess of a relationship already, you would think that you would be more protective of your child and not introduced him to someone you BARELY KNOW. You've yet to find out if this guy is an abusive ass as well. Please learn from your mistakes. (if you're even real and not a troll. I find it hard to believe that you would jump into this like you have when without any caution when you have the relationship history that you have.)

[audreyh]

My new boyfriend was raised in a good home as a child.Dad raised him to be a gentleman treating women right.I met his family already,nice family that treats people right.

[Wakeup]

You do realize that sociopaths are born to "good people" as well as dysfunctional assholes right?

You don't know this man. In four weeks you can't possibly ascertain that he is going to be a good partner for you, nor can you judge whether or not he would be a good and positive role model to your son. Just as he can't do those things with regards to you and his children.

Have you had personal therapy to help you with coming to terms with your last horrible relationship? To figure out why you would stay more then 5 mins with a man that disrespected and abused you? Why you would allow your son to be subjected to what your ex is?