Dating a Woman 11 Years Older

[TeeJay19]

I've been in a relationship with a woman 11 years older than me (I'm 27 and she's 38) for about a month now. At first the age difference didn't bother me at all, as I figured this would just be something casual. However, I quickly realized that I was interested in her being more than just a casual fling.

We clicked instantly and honestly, I've never felt this kind of connection with someone before. She's told me she feels the same way and wants this to be something more. So as of now we're just seeing where things and enjoying each other's company. At the moment the age difference isn't a problem. I usually forget she's so much older because we get a long so well and she looks younger than she is.

However, I can't help but think that if we stay together it may eventually cause some problems. I'm curious what people's thoughts are on the younger man/older woman relationship, and if you think there's anything I should be concerned about. I'd also love to hear from other people who are in a similar relationship and if you have any advice.

Thanks for reading!

[TeeJay19]

I'm not usually one to bump a post but I could really use some advice. Thanks.

[TheEvilJester]

On the surface, age is really just a number. If you two are happy together, why should it matter? There is also something to be said for not getting too caught up in the future and enjoying a good thing while you have it. At the same time, though, there is a fine line between allowing yourself to enjoy the good times and foolishly proceeding without considering the future at all.

So, I would definitely say you don't stress too much about it and just enjoy your time together.... yet at the same time I would not recommend you just ignore it completely. With a significant age difference, there are things you really should consider. For example, children may or may not be an issue. Do you both wants kids? If neither of you do, then no problem there. If you do but you both don't mind if you have to adopt, then similarly no rush and no problem there either. However, just as an example, if she wants kids very soon, but you won't feel ready for years and years to come.... that could become a problem. That would be an example where "Just enjoy a good thing while you have it and don't stress too much about the future" would be really bad advice. That could be something that WOULD be a huge problem in the future of your relationship, so why bother to proceed if you KNOW it eventually isn't going to work?

That is just one example for you, but hopefully that gives you some idea. There are things you should discuss and consider. If there are reasons that the relationship will eventually not work then why would you waste your time? However, maybe you two will talk and find that your future goals/plans align pretty nicely even despite your age difference. Age is just a number. That, alone, should definitely not be the deciding factor. More so, the related issues are what would decide if you two have a good chance to succeed going forward, or are just likely not to work out anyway.

Good luck to you. I hope you are able to figure that out and do whatever makes you both the most happy in the long run.

[dontaskme]

If you are considering kids in the future then you are better off not pursuing this relationship and let her find someone else. Personally, 11 years is a big age gap especially when the woman is older than the man, since women mature earlier and faster than men. Right now, it does not bother neither of you since the relationship is fresh but the age difference may eventually creep up.

No one in this forum can really know for sure if this is going to be an issue for you in the future. Only you can know what your comfort level is when it comes to age difference. Personally, I wouldn't date men who are over 8 years older than me.

[toshiba]

It all depends on expectations... kids? If you don't and she doesn’t that may be a relief (I think it's hard to find a late 20's women who doesn’t want to have kids).

If a women is fit, I don't care if she's 25 or 40.

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed with the others as well. There are things to consider, whether or not you two want kids being a biggie. Though, things like the stages of your lives are also important. At 27 and 38, it is possible you are both at very similar stages right now anyway. Just to give an example, though, let's hypothetically say that you feel you are still young enough that you don't yet want to be tied down to home ownership, and you want to travel, explore, and enjoy your youth. Now, hypothetically let's say that she is ready to settle down with her own home, start a family, and has put all of that youthfulness and travel stuff behind her and now just wants a nice, simple, quiet home life. That, again, could be another example where it could be a problem.

So, basically the age difference ITSELF shouldn't be what matters, but at the same time that shouldn't mean you don't consider the underlying issues. Maybe, for you two, there will be no issues. If you two are otherwise a perfect match (both in the present and for the future) then why should the age difference matter? On the flip side of the coin, if you were to find out that there are definite issues that will cause the relationship not to work down the road, then why would you waste your time pursuing it now if you KNOW it won't work out? So, really that is up to you and her to determine if it the potential issues underlying the age difference are big enough, or if they aren't issues for you two at all.]

Good luck.

[TeeJay19]

Thanks for the responses. Yeah, kids could definitely be the biggest problem, but luckily for us we both have similar views on the topic. Neither of us have kids and both of us want them eventually. The only problem might be her biological which is obviously ticking. But there are lots of options for having a child these days so I don't think that would be a huge problem, should we make it to that stage of the relationship. Thanks for the encouraging words. Things are still going really well so I'm just going to keep enjoying her company and see where this goes.