boyfriend of 3 yrs....

[findingminions]

read his text messages with a girl he dated couple of yrs briefly when we broke up that he loves me and cares about me but he is not happy and bored and what hurts me the most is he is having doubts on our relationship and can't see future with me... he broke up with me couple of yrs back but got back with me after 3 wks.. during those times he dated that girl.. and now he is asking her out for a lunch without informing me. i can feel another break up.

[Salty88]

I don't know about you, but I would have a problem with my boyfriend not telling me that he is going to have lunch with a girl he dated in the past. It sounds like he wants to play with the idea of looking at other girls. Maybe he likes the excitement of courting a girl... the flirtation and whatnot. He should not be keeping things like that from you. If it were me, I'd be pretty pissed about that.
Sure, he is unhappy and bored. Okay. But what about you? Are you really 100% happy while he isn't?
Maybe you should take a moment to really think about if this guy is the right one for you. If he really is bored while you are fine and chilling in this relationship, maybe you two just want different things? That can be solved by compromise in some cases. In more extreme cases, it's just better to break up because the couple is just incompatible.
If you can honestly reflect and come to the conclusion that you have put your all into this relationship and it is STILL not enough to keep him interested... maybe he just isn't the guy for you.
You should find someone who doesn't attribute his own boredom in life to his relationship. This guy sounds like a fail. I know you must feel for him, but what he is telling you is really cowardice and lame. He should be man enough to be more honest with both you and himself.

[findingminions]

thank you.. i just loved him and had been compromising on a lot of things for him.. seem its not enough.. i had a hint that he doesn't see future with me when i asked him if he will have kids with me and he gave me this lame excuse that he doesn't want to bring a child in this chaotic world.. yeah right..

if there is no future for us why did he stayed with me for 2 more yrs...

[jhonche1]

it seems like he is just a player , when he get bored he just change you with her.

[woody]

To attribute one's boredom because of another person is a cop out. He's really bored with himself and is unjustly projecting this upon you. Sad. A crappy and cowardly move.

Yes you may love this man and we all want to help our partners but I think you need to ask yourself some hard questions at this time. Not to mention the whole, he's sneaking around 'the lunch with an ex' thing. Yes, ouch. Spineless jelly man anyone? You don't want that. Would be different if he'd told you about it. Lots of variables here. Listen to your gut. Strength to you to follow through.

[Wakeup]

He's going to try and have an affair with her by the sounds of it. The other girl is an idiot if she has lunch with him while knowing that he's still with you.

Why wouldn't you tell him what you read and that you are against him meeting her for lunch, dinner, a drink or even a cup of coffee without you joining them. You are a couple and what he is doing is disrespectful and wrong for a man to be doing when he is in a committed relationship.

You'd do well to have a conversation with him and then leaving him to her. Let him be her problem... which he will be and it will be her finding a text to yet another girl about how he's bored with her and would she like to meet up for a drink... Hell, if you leave him, and you're not smart enough to know better, it could even be you he's texting to cheat on her with you. He's an asshole... I don't know you but I know you can do better.

[Nicolelong]

He's trying to test out other options so he already has someone on the back burner when he's ready to leave. What he has done is extremely deceitful and underhanded. If he had an issue with you, then he should have discussed it with YOU, not a girl with whom he's been involved. If he hasn't cheated yet, he will soon. It's clear that the intent is there.

I would be so insulted by him I wouldn't even attempt to work it out. You want a man that will ride out the highs and lows with you, not run behind your back to an ex when he gets "bored"

[smackie9]

read his text messages with a girl he dated couple of yrs briefly when we broke up that he loves me and cares about me but he is not happy and bored and what hurts me the most is he is having doubts on our relationship and can't see future with me... he broke up with me couple of yrs back but got back with me after 3 wks.. during those times he dated that girl.. and now he is asking her out for a lunch without informing me. i can feel another break up.

If I saw this I would be furious and show him the door. He's all comfy with your relationship and doesn't want to leave it because it serves his needs. He is just looking for a side dish, and what most cheaters do to lure their victim is play the sympathy card by saying their relationship is not good, and how they are unhappy. Then plants a lie that they plan on leaving the relationship (not seeing a future) when they actually have no intention of doing so. He is planning on having an affair, and not going to breaking up with you.