Should I let her go?

[perky1573]

Hi, I'm new to the site and would appreciate any advice people would be willing to give. In brief, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me a few days ago. I'm 22 and we met at uni a couple of years ago and will both be going back in September. She said that she wanted to end the relationship because she wasn't happy being in one with me, that the spark had gone and that she no longer looked forward to seeing me/felt excited. As you can imagine this has been a bit of a kick in the gonads. I'm a little confused because she said that she still loves me and cares for me a lot. We're both pretty down to earth and sensible, the break up wasn't nasty, just quite emotional, particularly for me. She said that she doesn't want me completely out of her life just yet and wants to meet up when back at university. She had been staying at my house at the time of the break up, I asked her to go and haven't made any contact since as I feel this is probably the easiest way for me to get over her. However every now and again I can't help thinking that there might be a possibility of us getting back together, I realise hanging on to this idea could prolong the pain for me, so I'm keen to get outsiders perspectives on the matter. We genuinely went well together and I just feel that she's wasting something special. Any comments would be appreciated.

[basilandthyme]

Ah sorry to hear. That thing about how she still loves and cares for you....well, there are many types of love. Unless you've been an utter bastard (which I'm sure you're not) it makes sense that she will still care about you. And she probably loves you in the same way that she would love a friend.

I would highly suggest you let her go. I also suggest that you distance any friendship with her as far as possible. If you have the same group of friends, then be civil and friendly but don't treat her like a close friend. If you don't travel in the same circles then drop her as a friend. She's offering you second best and it's totally your prerogative to not accept it.

[perky1573]

Thanks very much for the advice. You're probably right, I've been uncertain about the whole staying friends idea. Part of me thinks it would be decent to still be there for her as a friend, but on the other hand accepting her offer of second best sort of makes it seem like I agree with what she's said? For some reason it makes me feel like I'm being used a little bit, perhaps that says more about me though.

[basilandthyme]

I totally agree that you're being used! She doesn't want you as boyfriend but wants the benefits of your friendship.....all the while knowing that you will be hurting because you can't be with her as a girlfriend.

[perky1573]

Ok thanks for that. Just curious to know if you think there could be any situation where getting back together might be a reasonable option? Bit of a tricky question I know.

[basilandthyme]

It's possible that if you remove yourself from her life she may miss you and want you back. But even if she doesn't want you back, removing yourself will give you the best chance of getting over her.

So either way, no (or minimal) contact is the way to go.

[perky1573]

That all seems sensible, thanks very much for your responses.

[BigJadedheart01]

You got your whole life ahead of you and plenty of opportunities. Its only when you get in your thirties that you start worrying. The important thing right now is to concentrate on doing the things that make you happy and eventually someone who is right for you will come along.