I'm In Love With College+ Girlfriend, who won't see me :(

[perspective2]

27m, 3.5yr+1.5yr, 26f

Hi all.
Point is; I think I'm in love.

We were definitely in love in college, as far as I knew. (altho I maintain that I was not qualified)
I ****ed it up moving to the other side of the country, chasing a job, money, and the idea that there would be something greater on the horizon than the best friend I met in college.

Wrong.
Gave it up, moved back to her coast, though not straight into her arms as I should have; "I had to get my life sorted out; make sure I was doing things for the right reasons, and everything was set up right." (life is long, and I STILL didn't think I should rush… idiot…)
She wouldn't see me.

Made the best of it, even met a girl who adores me.
We cheat,
once,
but it takes me six months to break up and in four she's fallen in love with another guy and he's dumped her.
I can only assume he'll come back at the relevant time.
Now I'm single because I'd rather follow my heart to her (broke up, didn't know her relationship status, thank god she wasn't seeing him!) and she's going on a 3-4 month bike trip.

I told her how I feel and she basically said not to quash my feelings but not to expect anything when she comes back, and the way I love her and think about her every morning and night for the past three years she feels about some other guy right now and is going on this trip
(I'm sure he'll come back to her when she comes back and I want to ****ing murder him before that can happen).

Now I'm going to Burning Man.

<3

I seriously don't know what to do. I need to communicate it out to people and get input. This girl redefined the way I value everything and I want to be part of her world more than anything else!



tl;dr: I was in love, but was too young to know and by the time I experienced enough maturity to realize it was the only thing that mattered we'd fallen apart. And I'll do anything to get her back because she said I'm not crazy and I shouldn't feel like this is some sort of wrong feeling.

[basilandthyme]

I told her how I feel and she basically said not to quash my feelings but not to expect anything when she comes back,

I don't understand what she meant by this. It sounds like she's stringing you along so that you can be her fallback plan....but perhaps I've got it wrong?

[perspective2]

Thats my worry. If this dumb guy has a brain he'll realize in four months that his life is shit without her, and apparently she fell harder for him in 1/3 of a year than with me for 9x that time. At the same time, I have no problem being 'fallback' as long as I get to be with her :/