I knew me ex for 6 years and four of those years we were together. The relationship was tumultuous. He did not treat me right and after trying my hardest to make it work the last year I gave up on our relationship, I treated him very badly also that last year. I cheated on him by going on dates with other men. It never went past a kiss but it was still very awful of me to do. I had my last straw when I planned a bday party for him we were going to go on vacation with a few friends and he started a huge fight over a small issue. I left him the last day and stopped talking to him because I could not mentally or emotionally handle the relationship any longer.

I cut off all contact and then one day fourth months later I received a call from his brother asking if I had heard from my ex because he had checked into a rehab and then suddenly left and they had no clue where he was. I was surprised because my ex would smoke weed once in awhile but I was never aware of any drug issues but then i started thinking and realized there were many times where drugs could have potentially been involved and he did mention he was prescribed suboxone and the shot given to opiate users but he never made it a big deal he kind of lightly mentioned it to me and I had never been around drug users so I assumed it was nothing.

This past week has been hard on me. I went out with my friends and i ran into his brother. His brother informed me that my ex was doing great in rehab and suddenly many emotions came up. Then yesterday my ex tried to contact me and said he was sending me something in the mail from his rehab. I did not reply to him.

I am mad I still am in love with this guy. I am mad at him for messing up our relationship and that it will never work because of him and his drug use. I am mad he treated me the way he did. I am mad too that he sends me messages like "hey i know youre happy, and im doing good in rehab" because he has no idea how I feel. I have been dealing with a lot these past few months because of this guy I lost all my friends and even though I have made new friends and reconnected with my friends I do not feel okay sharing my feelings with these friends yet because they are so heavy, and I do not know how to approach it. I still think about him everyday, and sometimes think about going back to him which also frustrates me. I am mad that once I left him that is when he decided to get help instead he involved me in his drug use. I have no one to talk to about this and I am mad I am not over this guy yet. I am also mad no one can answer what type of drugs my ex used because I feel like I have a right to know. I also have been on a few dates with a new guy whom I enjoy hanging out with and he is a lot of fun and a real gentlemen, but I have no desire of having a relationship with him because I still love my ex and I do not want to drag him into my emotionally unstable state right now. I just dont know what to do anymore and I also just want my ex to stop talking to me and leave me alone.