Thoughts please-- male friends

[justwondering0]

I was going to type this in the ask a male forum but I rather have a females perspective first.

So I have or had a male friend. We hung out off and on all summer. Talked on the phone for hours at a time. Text each other mostly everyday. If I did not reach out to him in 3 days he would either call me or text me. We went out for drinks and even hung out at his place and watched moves and occasional fooled around. Now, this has been going on since February. We recently went on a week-end trip together and it was shaky because i had a female intuition he was starting to date someone and honestly I never declared my interest as much as "what are we doing?". So we come back from the trip ...and suddenly the text slow down...he called once and then he finally says he's kind of preoccupied with someone and things recently are moving fast and has not really been hanging with family and friends. Now on the trip i was going to tell him...that I really wanted to start seeing where things could go between us but I did not. We carried on like normal and enjoyed ourselves. Now its been a full month since the trip and I have not seen him and might as well say I don't exist in his world anymore. I am more crushed then I thought.

At this point I believe I have nothing to lose --since we hardly talk anymore and I as thinking that I might as well get it off my chest and move on. I was thinking about sending him the extra pictures that I already ordered for scrapbooking with a letter addressed to him. I was just going to say that I am thinking about him and the trip we took together. I enclosed several pictures. That i really hope to see him and talk to him soon and that I truly miss him. Then Leave it at that and move on.

Like I stated before I don't think I have much to lose anymore. I am crushed and trust me I did not think I would be. It has hit me harder then I wanted it too. :-(

Should I even bother?

[basilandthyme]

Sending the letter may make you feel better initially, but how will you feel if he responds with negativity? Or even worse, doesn't respond at all. To be honest, I'd suggest you keep your dignity and simply ignore him.

[justwondering0]

oh at this point I don't care how he responds. I am going to send the pictures regardless. As I stated, I have nothing to lose at this point. If he responds and I am sorry I have been ignoring blah blah..great. If he does not respond at all..then fine. If he responds and says sorry I really like this lady but lets meet for drinks and still be friends. Then fine. I am at the point I just don't care how it goes. I am ready for anything. I am not going to lose my dignity saying how I feel. I am at the point I am tired of keeping how I feel to myself. Its a bad habit. I am ready for anything. Like I said..at the most the only thing I am saying is I miss him. that is about it.

[hattie74]

It doesn't hurt at all to tell him you miss him. If it makes you feel better to do that, than do it. I wouldn't recommend pursuing him beyond telling him you regret it didn't work out, and you wish it did. Life is short. When someone touches your life, it's nice to let them know. Then you will move on.

[Wakeup]

oh at this point I don't care how he responds. I am going to send the pictures regardless. As I stated, I have nothing to lose at this point. If he responds and I am sorry I have been ignoring blah blah..great. If he does not respond at all..then fine. If he responds and says sorry I really like this lady but lets meet for drinks and still be friends. Then fine. I am at the point I just don't care how it goes. I am ready for anything. I am not going to lose my dignity saying how I feel. I am at the point I am tired of keeping how I feel to myself. Its a bad habit. I am ready for anything. Like I said..at the most the only thing I am saying is I miss him. that is about it.

Did he just fade away on you without telling you that he thought things were not working out and ending it?

Why would you be so silly as to send him anything? If he wanted to be with you he would be with you and whether or not you say you don't care how it goes, you will be losing your self-respect by chasing after him with passive aggressiveness.

Why would you wait a whole month to initiate something with him. Did you not even try to contact him within that month? If you did, does he just ignore you?

Read the book "He's Just Not That Into You" so that you realize what it looks like when someone really doesn't want you sending them things to try and get them to pursue you again.

Get on with your life, he has gotten on with his. Next time try doing some of the initiating when you find you like someone and they've been attentive to you. It lets the guy know (in the moment, not a month later when interest has waned) that you are into him.

Did you have sex with this guy when you went away?

[justwondering0]

Lol. we known each other for over a year. Sending anything in the mail is not out of the ordinary since we both pick each other up from our houses- we took turns. lol. So sending anything in the mail is not even strange especially since we still text each other lol...As I said before at this point, I don't care if he does not respond..its out there. Got it off my chest and I could go on a date with a new person tomorrow be just fine. :-) and besides I was going to give him those pictures with or without a letter. I was not going to throw them out but he can if he wants too.

[Wakeup]

Lol, did you have sex with this guy when you went away?

[smackie9]

He was hoping for FWB and nothing more. If he was damn serious about you he would have stepped forward by now and make his intentions clear.

[woody]

In your original post you said you two would fool around now and then. I think that brings it out further than a simple friendship realm situation.
He met someone.
If the two of you had an understanding that you were an item of sorts then it's a drag he hasn't told you sooner that he's moving on but if you did not have an understanding, he owes no explanation.
Perhaps he felt like a boy toy and got fed up with it. I don't know.
Embrace your happy moments with him, wish him well and next time you like a man, let him know.