Is this toxic?

[Roses919191]

Correct.

He showed you who he was. He told you he'd act when he felt he was ready...so what are you really complaining about?

What is correct? I just don't know what to do here. It was hard for me to trust that he'd someday propose when he was unwilling to give ANy sort of timeline, even "within the next couple of years"...or talk about why he felt he wasn't ready yet... Etc. and when he didn't seem to care much about me on a daily basis, choosing to take on extra work projects over being with me, telling me multiple times "work is my [URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1]#1[/URL] priority not you"

But now I just want to tell him I'm sorry and get him to love and miss me but I'm at a loss for words every time I'm about to pick up phone

[solarion]

get him to love and miss me

I just don't know what to do here.

Suggest you improve your grift so that guys will marry you before they realize who you are. It's too late for this one...he's flown the coop.

[Roses919191]

Suggest you improve your grift so that guys will marry you before they realize who you are. It's too late for this one...he's flown the coop.

Wow, I really don't understand what I "did" in this relationship that I deserve to be insulted or have blame?

[solarion]

Wow, I really don't understand what I "did" in this relationship that I deserve to be insulted or have blame?

It harms my tranquility ever so slightly that you're seemingly clueless re: the role you've played in this...fail. Put some thought into it...search some soul...figure it out hon.

Mebe start here:

I feel I shouldn't "settle" for someone who has a "lesser" resume. They could be richer than us in a different field, but I just want a man who is MY field and MY title.

Perhaps tweak the plan slightly and look for an emotionally repressed alpha that's just a wee bit...not smarterer.

[Roses919191]

It harms my tranquility ever so slightly that you're seemingly clueless re: the role you've played in this...fail. Put some thought into it...search some soul...figure it out hon.

Mebe start here:



Perhaps tweak the plan slightly and look for an emotionally repressed alpha that's just a wee bit...not smarterer.

It doesn't make a man emotionally weak to be able to say "I love you" back after 14 months, or to have even a general convo about the future, like "I definitely see us getting engaged within the next few years." You don't know how many times my BF has broken up with me before- at least once per 2 months, for the last year!- citing reasons like "you want to get married way sooner than me, and I don't want to hold you back" or, another time, "I don't value the same things you do- engagement and marriage."

[basilandthyme]

You don't know how many times my BF has broken up with me before- at least once per 2 months, for the last year!- citing reasons like "you want to get married way sooner than me, and I don't want to hold you back" or, another time, "I don't value the same things you do- engagement and marriage."

*grabs popcorn* This just gets better and better

[solarion]

It doesn't make a man emotionally weak to be able to say "I love you" back after <arbitrarily chosen time>

I agree, it makes him emotionally weak if he says "I love you" because you goaded him into lying.

You don't know how many times my BF has broken up with me before- at least once per 2 months

...or however long it took before he was desperate enough for sex to come back.

citing reasons like "you want to get married way sooner than me, and I don't want to hold you back" or, another time, "I don't value the same things you do- engagement and marriage."

Seems this guy was really quite communicative and straight with you. Heck, the more you tell me how horrible he is/was the more I like the feller.

[basilandthyme]

I agree, it makes him emotionally weak if he says "I love you" because you goaded him into lying..

Emotionally weak or just saying what she wants to hear to shut her up?

[solarion]

Emotionally weak or just saying what she wants to hear to shut her up?

I agree, it makes him emotionally weak if he says "I love you" because you goaded him into lying.

my favorite ten characters...or more.

[Roses919191]

So I should want to be with a man who only told me he loved me after over a year to shut me up, and then snuck out w another girl, and constantly tried to break up w me bc I wanted to get married "way sooner" than him- even though I made it clear I don't even want to get married this year, just w general timeline?!

[solarion]

Sure, why not? Seems that's how highly you value yourself.

For all your whining about how horribad BF treated you and all the effort you're pouring into claiming victim status...you'd take him back in a heartbeat.

Which combined with your obsession with wedding rings leads one to conclude that you either have one hell of a martyr complex(nah), you're a masochist(nope), or you're digging for gold.

[Roses919191]

This can't be my life. Spending 2 years with a man who kicks me to the curb for what? Well, I told you he tried breaking up w me about once per 2 months because he thought I wanted to get married way sooner than his time frame- which, by the way, he had no time frame- any time I asked he'd say "I don't know, I'll let you know when I'm ready." Ok. What did I do wrong to deserve being tossed aside like garbage? He told me he loved Me and I had to trust that he'd marry me someday, and if I needed a more specific time frame then perhaps I should just leave him. He didn't even care on a daily basis- wouldn't spend 10 minutes a night looking up from his extra work projects to get dinner together, or go for a walk, or come to bed with me. What makes me so horrific that he'd treat his girlfriend like this? And what do I say to him later, since he said he just needs space to process everything w the constant fights about marriage and then we'll talk? I still think it's stupid because they shouldn't have been fights- he couldn't even discuss future in general terms without getting mad and ignoring me for days, staring at wall. It's so wrong to want to know if he thinks a few more years, 5 years, etc before he's ready to get married? He thinks he should just keep me paying half his rent & having sex with him totally indefinitely?

[basilandthyme]

So I should want to be with a man who only told me he loved me after over a year to shut me up, and then snuck out w another girl, and constantly tried to break up w me bc I wanted to get married "way sooner" than him- even though I made it clear I don't even want to get married this year, just w general timeline?!

Well no, you shouldn't want to be with him. Any woman with the slightest bit of self esteem and common sense would avoid him like the plague. But you are not like other women. You value a man's qualifications more than a man's good nature. You are attracted to his aloofness - so yes, you've gotten what you want. Stop complaining.

- - - Updated - - -

This can't be my life. Spending 2 years with a man who kicks me to the curb for what? Well, I told you he tried breaking up w me about once per 2 months because he thought I wanted to get married way sooner than his time frame- which, by the way, he had no time frame- any time I asked he'd say "I don't know, I'll let you know when I'm ready." Ok. What did I do wrong to deserve being tossed aside like garbage? He told me he loved Me and I had to trust that he'd marry me someday, and if I needed a more specific time frame then perhaps I should just leave him. He didn't even care on a daily basis- wouldn't spend 10 minutes a night looking up from his extra work projects to get dinner together, or go for a walk, or come to bed with me. What makes me so horrific that he'd treat his girlfriend like this? And what do I say to him later, since he said he just needs space to process everything w the constant fights about marriage and then we'll talk? I still think it's stupid because they shouldn't have been fights- he couldn't even discuss future in general terms without getting mad and ignoring me for days, staring at wall. It's so wrong to want to know if he thinks a few more years, 5 years, etc before he's ready to get married? He thinks he should just keep me paying half his rent & having sex with him totally indefinitely?

Well it IS your life. And it's the life you choose. And he didn't break up all those times because he thought you wanted to marry sooner than him - he broke up because he doesn't want to marry you ever and is tired of you nagging him about it. But then he wants sex or food or whatever else you give him and asks you back.

Yes, he does think that you will pay half rent and have sex with him indefinitely. Why? Because you keep coming back to it.

What did you do wrong to deserve being tossed aside like garbage? This is simple - it's because you know he does it and keep returning to him so that he can keep on doing it.

But apparently his qualifications make this all worthwhile.

- - - Updated - - -

Thing is, most of us wouldn't accept this. But most of us look for a man who is kind, good, respectful and who has similar morals, ethics and life goals.

You? Your only goal is to find a man who has a particular qualification and who doesn't show a whole lot of interest. While this is what you look for, you will continue to be treated in the way you are.

[Roses919191]

Your advice makes sense, but he clearly showed enough interest to let me move in his place. (I realize he lied about me being on the lease & that he didn't want me to move in on his own, only bc I was "doubting that he was serious" so he offered that). So I'm trying to figure out where I went so wrong that he went from telling me whenever I asked that he'd marry me "eventually" or "someday," to not even speaking to me (but telling me he just needs time to process all the fighting about marriage and then we'll talk). I don't see what I did, and I don't see what to say so he feels like I'll chill about marriage and we can just be happy together until it happens (and hopefully he doesn't keep me waiting around for 5 years like he's said at times, but he's also claimed itd only be that long if I kept "bugging" him about it and otherwise it'd be sooner)

[basilandthyme]

Have decided that you're a troll. No real person could possibly be as delusional as you are.