is he not right for me? or what's the problem?

[lovemenot]

hello all.

i have been in a relationship with this guy for 5 months now. Lately i've been wondering if I should end it or keep seeing him. Maybe somebody could help me get a clearer perspective

we're not teens anymore, i am 27 and he's 32 - about time to start thinking of settling down and starting a family. we both been in long term relationships before and we both been in love before. and our relationship is getting kind of serious.

we both said we loved each other and seems like he really does and i thought i do too, but lately i started having doubts...

we already talked about kids and stuff and seems like he sees a future with me. he really wants kids (3 of them!) and i also want them someday, but definitely not anytime soon... i mentioned once to him "maybe in 5 years or at least 3" and he was like "whaat? why wait so loooong?" that really freaked me out. and he also said he was falling in love with me after a week of dating... and every time he speaks of kids and marriage and stuff it freaks me out a little...he seems in such a rush sometimes....maybe because his twin brother is already expecting a second child and his sister and cousins already have kids too...? and also maybe i am freaking out because he seems nowhere near (mentally and financially) being ready to be a father and take care of his family... he has this really lousy job that pays very little and he doesn't even like it, but doesn't have the guts to quit it and do something he really wants (also he hasn't really figured out yet what it is that he really wants to do..) and when we met he said he's thinking about quitting and following his dreams, cuz it's shitty job and he is just wasting his years there and turned out later he had been talking like that for a couple of years now....btw, he really has the financial stability to be able to be unemployed for a while (lives with his granddad and takes care of him, so doesn't need to pay any rent or for food), and when i talk to him about this he just gets very upset, says he knows that it's all true, but still doesn't do anything about it. and when i mention that he should use the opportunity (granddad's money) and quit his job he says things like "well but how will buy clothes and stuff while i am unemployed..who knows how long it will take me to get a new job.." how can somebody talking like that be ready to have a family?? but that's only one part...

another thing is he has a bunch of habits that annoys me. like interrupting me while i talk, or laughing at me when i cry during movies, or wanting to be the little spoon far too often, or just going straight to "business" with no foreplay, or whenever we play games or bet on something and i lose he always like to rub it in, now i think if a girl does that to a guy it is kind of cute, but the other way around just feels mean...and so on...

and the third thing is he is very conservative and careful and always likes to plan things and not at all adventurous and i am sort of a free spirited and like the unknown...

so it seems like there's just too many differences and some maybe really small things but are starting to bother me lately and all that gets me wondering whether or not he is the right person for me....

i know you can't tell me if i love him or not, but maybe somebody can help me to get a new perspective? how do i know if he is the right one? or am i just crazy and overthink things too much? or expect too much form him and the whole relationship?

any thoughts anyone have on this will be appreciated thank you in advance

i mean i am seriously thinking of leaving him because of all this, it probably means i don't really love him, but i definitely have some sort of feelings for him and he honestly does seem to love me...or should i just stay with him and see how it goes? i don't really want to be wasting time with somebody there is no future with, after all i am not 20 anymore, but i do really like him, just scares me that he is not going anywhere in life and lives in some sort of dream bubble...and all those other things too..i am just really confused, please help me...

[solarion]

Sounds like you two are pretty far apart on many issues. Five months is not very long at all. Suggest you attempt to figure out what it is about this guy that you ARE into. If it comes down to little more than..."he keeps me from being alone", then you have your answer.

whenever we play games or bet on something and i lose he always like to rub it in, now i think if a girl does that to a guy it is kind of cute, but the other way around just feels mean...and so on...

What a curious statement. I guess I never thought of poor sportsmanship as a gender specific issue.