Good morning,
I have been feeling really strange lately and I don't know what to do so maybe writing my feelings down can help.
4 years ago almost to this day a girl that I had been sleeping with occasionally and her friend invited me and one of my friends over. I went with the impression that was going to try to hook my friend up with the friend of the girl I had slept with.
After walking into my friends apartment I see her friend is gorgeous friend sitting on the couch and I pushed my friend to go sit with her. After a few hours of all of us talking and hanging out I notice that this girl is looking at me. The girl I slept with sent me a text saying that she thinks her friend is interested in me and we should see where it would go. That's right a girlfriend of mine (although we never dated) was trying to hook me up with her friend all of a sudden.
My buddy got the idea that she was crushing on me hard and so him and my friend went out to go get some drinks for us, leaving me and this new girl in the apartment alone. We started talking and quickly talking turned into making out and next thing I know I am coming to visit this girl almost every day!
We are very different people. She was just back from rehab trying to get her life together while on welfare and getting help from people around her. I was in school full-time and working full-time, living on my own. She was sleeping in until like 2pm everyday I was just finishing school heading to work.
There was still something different about her. She was hurting but I could see a hard worker in her. Without making this even longer then I have to, I will say that after a year of us working on getting her up earlier and slowly get her into the working world she has now been working full-time for a little more then 2 years. It really is awesome to say and I am really proud of her for sticking to it.
I have never had to battle addiction but I was raised by a drinker and have always been hopeful even though drinking did end up killing my dad. Matter of fact my dad had recently died before I met this girl so maybe that was where my head was at, "I am going to save this girl!"
I am having a hard time putting my thoughts into words at this part. Everyday has been a struggle for both of us and I honestly believe it's this way for everyone we are just all different. I find myself unhappy because she is happy making less then minimum wage. I know I should be happy she loves her job but in my heart I want her to want more. I think this is why we are arguing a lot right now. I have big dreams, I just started a career and am just now finally getting my life together and she is happy bitching about work and hanging out with friends everyday.
These are my problems. She is always telling me stories about work, and I know I should be happy she talks to me but I hate hearing about work drama. I don't even follow the work drama at my work. I just want to know you had a good day or bad day and what we can do to make tomorrow better. I feel like an alien.
On her friends, she has a couple of really good girlfriends, my ex included. And she loves spending time with them. She would rather spend time with them then chill out at our apartment (we are living together now). It's not like she doesn't want me around as she gets pissed when I don't want to go because she wants me to be there too. As much as I love people I love being alone with my love.
I feel like those 2 issues are killing me. She will bitch all day about her job but do nothing to change it. I don't mean quit but start looking at other places where they may pay you properly and treat you right. After I am done my day at work I don't want to go out and see people. I want to go home and relax, maybe even fool around!
I guess as I write this I am doing so to show myself how I really feel but am I crazy for even thinking that these are reasons to break up? Why are these things so important to me? I have been like this forever, and so we have argued about this since day 1 but I figured as we dated she would want to spend less time with friends and focus more on our future. She has started seeing her friends less but then I start to think that is not what she wants and I do not want to control her.
I am lucky that this is the only issue in my life right now. We both love each other, but we both feel like neither of our minds are changing and so we feel like this is the end. I feel like I am looking for an answer in my own thoughts and it just isn't happening.
I know people have broken up for much less but I have always felt like I can overcome anything, relationships have always been the exception. I don't want to be staying in hopes that she will change as it seems I am always living my life with hopes and dreams and the one thing I need real is the girl I am with.
I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this as I feel lost but at least found some words and put them together. If you have ever gone through something like this I would love to hear how it went.