Girl I'm interested in can't get over her ex

[LRHunter]

Okay, so I'm not sure exactly how common this sort of problem is, but I've never experienced it before. Roughly two months ago, my girlfriend of about a year broke up with me. My issue is not actually with her at all. One of my female coworkers, I'll refer to her as T from now on, started talking to me and helping me through my issue. Naturally, I got a little attached to T. However, T had a serious boyfriend at the time who is in the military. T explained to me how he is "the one" and that she can't see herself without him. A few days later T texted me and told me that she caught her boyfriend talking to other girls (she caught him once before, but she gave him another chance). So, T dumped her boyfriend and I repaid the favor and helped her through her struggle.

Fast forwarding to today, T and I are extremely close. We consider ourselves to be friends with benefits, but theres much more to it than that. T and I have identical personalities and humor; it just seems so perfect. We do all of the stuff any other couple would do; essentially we are dating minus the label. The only issue is that she still loves her ex boyfriend and is convinced that he is the one for her. Her ex won't be out of the military for ~3.5 years. We got into an argument last night over whether or not she would "do stuff" with him when he comes home around christmas time. I told her that if she does that I'll have no choice but to end things. I have a lot of feelings for her, but she says that she has no feelings for me. I really don't know if i believe her to be honest. It probably sounds like she is really crummy to me, but she isn't. We both make each other very happy and care about each other a lot. T has told me that maybe in the future we could possibly date, which is perfect because I'm not really looking for a relationship right now anyways.

To make this long story short, I just need some advice. I have no problem waiting for her to settle her feelings, but what if she never does? I really feel like there is something special between us, I just want her to realize it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. For the record, T & i are both college students. Yes, I know that its SUPER early (2 months isn't that much time to get to know someone), but trust me, I've never met someone so spectacular. I had to leave out a lot of details in order to keep this somewhat brief.

Thank you for your time.

[BrianBlaze420]

if she is already planning on spending time with him then she is far from over him and you are going to end up hurt. I would get out of there ASAP because even if she does leave him for you,relationships that start with someone leaving someone end with someone going to someone new. This is my opinion of course but I have yet to see things like this happen and then everyone living happily ever after. I wouldn't want to get in the middle of that especially if she is still talking about him being the only one for her.

I was seeing a girl who had a bf a long time ago. We would go out on dates and I thought nothing of it until one night we got drunk and she couldn't take her hands off me. It took only one night though for me to ask her what she wanted because it was either him or me. I was cocky at the time and said to her when are you going to leave him since you clearly have deep feelings for me. She had never seen that side of me and she clearly had no plans to leave her bf.

I stopped chilling and am much better off. She is still with the guy and no one is the wiser, while I can feel better about myself because being in the middle of someone elses relationship means you better be ready to fight for what you want. And while I was ready she wasn't and that's where I will leave my comment.

Good luck!

[solarion]

I have a lot of feelings for her, but she says that she has no feelings for me.

You may want to consider the concept that T has issues that prevent her from maintaining a "normal" relationship on an emotional level. That emotional involvement makes her uncomfortable for some reason. This would explain why she pushes you away and also why a college student(picturing early 20's) would commit to a relationship with someone she'll have so little access to for 3.5 years.

[LRHunter]

Thank you for the advice. While I agree that I may end up hurt, there's just something about her that makes me feel like trying. She has always said that she doesn't know what the future will hold. I know that it may seem incredibly foolish, but sometimes you have to learn the hard way I suppose.

Not trying to ignore your advice, it really was helpful. Thanks so much for your time.

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[BrianBlaze420]

I wouldn't expect any other answer. You will need to get burned to learn. Just wanted to share my experience. You never know what life may bring

[LRHunter]

I've actually talked to her about this. T has a really hard time with change. She admitted that straying from something that she knows and is comfortable with is frightening to her. I think you are definitely on point with your thoughts. I really believe that time will help the situation. I'm not sure of whats going to happen, but I am willing to give her the space she needs while she figures it out.

Thanks so much for the reply.

[solarion]

Thank you for the advice. While I agree that I may end up hurt, there's just something about her that makes me feel like trying. She has always said that she doesn't know what the future will hold. I know that it may seem incredibly foolish, but sometimes you have to learn the hard way I suppose.

Not trying to ignore your advice, it really was helpful. Thanks so much for your time.

Chances are T doesn't understand her own behavior all that well.

Good luck.