Is this toxic?

[Roses919191]

Say: "I'm finally going to drop caring about marriage and just love you for the twat that you are!"

Update- I called him, and I actually didn't say that or apologize for wanting to discuss the future. But when I called he immediately answered and was telling me he misses me, and he doesn't want to rule out us Getting back together in future - but right now, only 3 weeks out, He hasn't had enough chance to fully process everything on his own yet. He doesn't want to "close the door" on us but just feels that seeing me at the moment would make it more complex to finish working through all his own issues in his head first. I told him I've changed since moving out bc I realize I'm happy and fulfilled on my own and not so needy. So maybe I'll just not contact him at all for a few weeks again

[Wakeup]

Yes.... and please do not contact us for a few weeks, again, either.

[Roses919191]

I should've clarified. I did well. Our whole convo I was upbeat, saying I'm doing so well at work and wished I could share it w him, saying in happy in my new place & with my friends, family, and religious services. Told him That given the choice, I certainly wouldn't want to go right back to the way things were while I lived there. Told him i was too needy then and lost myself, and now I'm happy. At end of convo when he said he doesn't process things as quickly as me (always true) and still needs time before considering seeing each other and talking things through, I just said "I respect that. Good luck with everything" and hung up

[Wakeup]

Well... at least you waited almost 12 hours before posting again. O.o

[Roses919191]

Well I just am hoping he is headed in right direction. And will respond positively in a few more weeks and be ok with us getting back together

[Wakeup]

.... ... Look into my eyezzzzzz...

You will not feel compelled to post here again about THIS issue.

[Roses919191]

Please help. I want to apologize for pressuring him about marriage. It was just hard to trust him when the very first time he said he'd marry me eventually, the next thing he did was try to sneak out and meet a single girl at a bar at midnight. And then proceeded to keep text flirting w her once she went back out of town.
BUt no one is perfect and I want this man to take me back. Don't you think our phone convo was encouraging? He's a loner and would never pick up phone during any conflict in our relationship... Let alone stay on phone for over an hour an tell me he misses me and wouldn't say the door is closed for us. He is always alone and always has been, so yes I trust when he says he needs to finish processing everything alone before seeing me bc "that's the only way I know how to do it."

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No he won't miss you but he will appreciate the fact that you are gone and will have his freedom back to date anyone without having a girlfriend to nag him about marriage.

Actually this person who just wanted me to move out, and never was emotionally expressive, spent an hour w me on phone when I called the other day. Told me he missed me. I was saying how I'm doing really well and am happier now that I have my own place bc I was becoming too dependent on him before and losong sight of me. He said he's glad I'm doing well but it's been "hard" for him. Says he just needs time to finish processing everything that happened on his own which is the only way he knows how. But I'm very encouraged that he says "who knows what the future will bring for us, we just shouldn't see each other at this moment when I haven't even finished working through the issues that led to the breakup bc it'll just be a weird limbo like, what are we doing here"

[basilandthyme]

I'll lay money that his comments about how you're doing well and are happier living without him are a precursor to him suggesting that the you stay living separately.

[Roses919191]

No one else trusts the guy. No, I was the one who came out and said "I'm doing really well, even if I had the choice to go back to living with you right now, I woujdnt do it bc I think I was becoming too dependent when I lived w you & losing sight of myself, & now I'm back to being a whole person again." He said he was glad to hear im doing well but it's been hard for him, and that's when he began talking about missing me & how the door isn't closed. I just need to know what to say to make him agree to take me badk

[Wakeup]

*Looks in crystal ball* You will be compelled to post again and again on this subject.

[dontaskme]

No one else trusts the guy. No, I was the one who came out and said "I'm doing really well, even if I had the choice to go back to living with you right now, I woujdnt do it bc I think I was becoming too dependent when I lived w you & losing sight of myself, & now I'm back to being a whole person again." He said he was glad to hear im doing well but it's been hard for him, and that's when he began talking about missing me & how the door isn't closed. I just need to know what to say to make him agree to take me badk

WTF...Say whatever you want. Who gives a shit? He doesn't, so do whatever, scratch his balls if you must.

[solarion]

*Looks in crystal ball* You will be compelled to post again and again on this subject.

lol Something tells me your crystal ball thingy is going to be more effective than the hypnosis thingy for you Wakeup...just a hunch.

[basilandthyme]

No one else trusts the guy. No, I was the one who came out and said "I'm doing really well, even if I had the choice to go back to living with you right now, I woujdnt do it bc I think I was becoming too dependent when I lived w you & losing sight of myself, & now I'm back to being a whole person again." He said he was glad to hear im doing well but it's been hard for him, and that's when he began talking about missing me & how the door isn't closed. I just need to know what to say to make him agree to take me badk

Tell him that you don't care how many other girls he sleeps with. Tell him that you'll cook,clean and sex for him. Tell him that you'll never disagree with him or ask him to make a decision. Tell him that you don't ever want to marry him and that you won't be upset when he finally marries someone else.

I'm sure if he hears this, he will take you back.

[Roses919191]

Tell him that you don't care how many other girls he sleeps with. Tell him that you'll cook,clean and sex for him. Tell him that you'll never disagree with him or ask him to make a decision. Tell him that you don't ever want to marry him and that you won't be upset when he finally marries someone else.

I'm sure if he hears this, he will take you back.

If he ultimately planned on marrying someone else then he wouldn't have even been associating w me this long! He told me on phone that he misses me and the door isn't closed for us and who knows what future will bring

[basilandthyme]

If he ultimately planned on marrying someone else then he wouldn't have even been associating w me this long! He told me on phone that he misses me and the door isn't closed for us and who knows what future will bring

I have no idea how your rationale for this works. One of my friends was with a guy for NINE YEARS and he had no intention of marrying her. And yes, they eventually broke up and both married other people. She was simply a convenience for him at the time - like you have been to this guy.

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You ask us what to tell him to have him want you back. I tell you what he needs to hear and you reject it as being wrong. If you are so sure of him and what he wants why the f*ck do you need our advice? Seems to me that you've got it all figured out.