I want to talk about how I cheated.. It's not cut and dry, and I wanted to get your opinion and help answering this; Can we get through this and mend?
I met my girlfriend online about 2 years ago and we hit it off. After a few months of dating we decided to be exclusive but with a twist, she wanted to have an open relationship with a don't ask don't tell approach. I was curious and interested but I had a stipulation, I didn't want her ex boyfriend to be brought in the mix, I told her that I didn't want to be apart of any love triangles because my last relationship failed because of it. She agreed and we did our thing. It was a weird experience because she continued to adjust the rules and redefine what she wanted. At times she would say she doesn’t believe in “cheating” and then be jealous next day. I kept trying to define if we were open or not, because she was so grey and would change her views depending on the day.
After about a year, we decided monogamy was probably the best thing and we moved in together. A few months later she confessed that she had slept with her ex a few times and when she asked me if I did anything while we were open, I said just kissed a few girls.
I lied, during our open period I was all over the place. I would go out, and flirt and make out. There where a few one night stands, and I had slept with a few other people. I just didn’t want to bring those details into our relationship, so I said nothing. I should have been honest but I felt like it was an open situation, so I was fine. It’s probably why I wasn’t that upset when she told me about the ex.
Where I ****ed up was I couldn’t stop after we went monogamous. I still continued to sext and I physically cheated two more times. In December me and her went on a vacation, and it was great for us! After that I decided to not cheat, but there were a few times I would drunkenly txt old flings, but that was it. I have never cheated before, but during the open period it was really fun and exciting and I had a hard time turning it off.
Everything came to a head this past Sunday; an ex-boyfriend of a girl I slept with last year (during our open period), sent my girlfriend an email of what I did. She was extremely upset with me for not being honest when she confessed, and as we discussed further I fessed up to everything. What complicated things was I had lent her my Macbook, and she accessed my iMessages. She read all my txt messages and is now livid.
She is completely destroyed and I’m just wrought with guilt because I know after she confessed about her ex, she was completely committed to me. I know this seems all really messy, but I love this woman so intensely, and we had been doing so well lately.
I have been staying with my folks to give her space this week, I asked her if she wants to end it but she has no answer and is still in love with me. I will do anything to fix this, I wrote her a letter saying I would give up all my privacy, go to counseling, anything..
Is there any hope for us?
TL;DR: Me and Girlfriend started with an open relationship but I asked her to not sleep with her ex (no love triangles), we did..I fooled around then we went monogamous (but she confessed she slept with her ex), i agreed to the monogamy but i still continued to fool around. I was found out this week. I realized i ****ed up, and I’m trying to get her back.
Is there any chance?