Well, so much for love.....

[tampitump]

I didnt have my first kiss til 21, or lose my viginity til 22.

Congrats, you've got me beat!

I don't always go for 8-10s, I can't even get old women to call me "handsome", let alone 8-10 20-somethings to like me.

I don't really care about or even want a relationship or even sex at this point. None of that seems really appealing to me.....Honestly. I'd just like to be noticed, recognized, considered a valid option. I have no interest in having my first kiss or losing my virginity at this point. Actually, I believe 24 is too old to just now be starting all that stuff. I'm so far behind that it just wouldn't work out. My 6 year old nephew will lose his virginity before I do.

Really, there's no other story you could tell me that would really ever relate to mine. I haven't been abused or subject to traumatic circumstances, I've just simply been ignored all my life. In conversation with a group of people, everyone gets their chance to talk but me. Everyone else talks over me. When I'm out with friends, girls melt on them and completely ignore me.

Hell, even in sporting events, when I happen to win, people cheer for the second-place guy. Do I not exist or something?

Like I said before, it could very well be that my perception of reality is flawed. Perhaps I'm seeing and experiencing things that aren't there and aren't happening. Or perhaps things are happening that I'm not seeing or experiencing. Maybe I'm insane. Who knows?

And lastly, what part of the word VENTING do you guys not understand. Stop trying to make arguments for my statements. I'm just here to say whatever it is that will get me by emotionally for the next few hours or so. It's the internet, it's anonymous.

[solarion]

If you were insane, you'd likely not be vocally self-evaluating counter arguments. You're sane, just downtrodden. The idea that you're too old for much of anything, is ridiculous. I'm just shy of twice your age and think nothing of the sort.

Once again you're overtly complaining about people commenting in a public thread on a HELP forum. If you didn't/don't want feedback to your musings then I suggest a journal. What you're doing says "help please" as surely as if you'd added the comment to your signature line.

[tampitump]

If you were insane, you'd likely not be vocally self-evaluating counter arguments. You're sane, just downtrodden. The idea that you're too old for much of anything, is ridiculous. I'm just shy of twice your age and think nothing of the sort.

Once again you're overtly complaining about people commenting in a public thread on a HELP forum. If you didn't/don't want feedback to your musings then I suggest a journal. What you're doing says "help please" as surely as if you'd added the comment to your signature line.

I guess you're right. I'm just kind of lost in general.

[tampitump]

I find it not only hard but impossible to find peace with myself. It's weird because everyone else views me as unimportant and a "non-factor" in virtually all situations. But I also view myself this way. I often don't see myself as having the energy or the capacity of doing anything that would require much effort. The things is, not only do I believe this about myself, but I believe this is actually the case, independant of my views of myself. I wonder how most other people manage to be so secure and confident in their own abilities or knowledge. I find myself always seeking the verification of others just to ensure to myself that the most basic of decisions I make on a daily basis are correct. I also don't see this as something that could change, or something I even want to change. I'll always hate the very core of who I am and dislike myself altogether. That's why the idea of suicide often seems the only way to fix the problem. It's a weird thing, but I just lack the energy or even the desire to turn myself around. I'd just like to fade away and just stop living. It's a comforting feeling to me, the ultimate cure-all.

I'm sorry for going off again. I know this is not a depression forum. No one has to reply to me.

[solarion]

I wonder how most other people manage to be so secure and confident in their own abilities or knowledge.

We've already fvcked things up b4, so we know what does not work...it's often just that simple. No voodoo magic, just mistakes that we've learned lessons from. Confidence is a state of mind...it is an awareness and familiarity with one's own capabilities. It is achieved by setting reasonable goals for yourself and then seeing them to fruition. Negative self-think & negative self-talk create barriers to this process and make growth all but impossible.

I find myself always seeking the verification of others just to ensure to myself that the most basic of decisions I make on a daily basis are correct.

This assumes that others know more about which choices are "correct" for you, than you do. They don't. Worse, when you do not allow yourself to make decisions and occasionally fall flat on your face you never learn a thing. Human beans learn more about their limits from failure than they do from success. Fear of failure is toxic, only when it prevents one from trying...occasional failure itself is often quite beneficial.

[tampitump]

I'm not coming to you as a kid who's just finding this stuff out and is depressed by it. I'm an older guy who has lived with this stuff for years. I've tried confidence, I've tried change, I've even tried moving to a different state and trying to better myself. What I've discovered is my total inability to do anything right, my lack of intelligence and energy, and ultimately my nack for failure and self-destruction even when trying my best to succeed and seek self-empowerment. For the longest time when I was younger I thought maybe I would "find myself" and go on to a successful and happy life. But now that those days are over and no progress has been made, so much time has been wasted, I now know what I'm made of and there is no changing.

[solarion]

I'm coming to you as a young buck who's just finding out how much the world has to offer. For the longest time when I was younger I thought maybe I would "find myself" and go on to a successful and happy life, but now that I'm less younger than I once was, I find I'm anxious to stop spinning my wheels.

FTFY. You're welcome. You'll never be younger than you are right now.

Tag and bag the negative self-reinforcement and get out of your own way. Create tiny obtainable goals for yourself and watch yourself achieve them. When you do achieve a goal, pause, bask in your own kewlness, and then set another tiny achievable goal for yourself. This is how confidence is built. It's like a pyramid and when you start out by building it in a swamp...the damn thing sinks.

[tampitump]

FTFY. You're welcome. You'll never be younger than you are right now.

Tag and bag the negative self-reinforcement and get out of your own way. Create tiny obtainable goals for yourself and watch yourself achieve them. When you do achieve a goal, pause, bask in your own kewlness, and then set another tiny achievable goal for yourself. This is how confidence is built. It's like a pyramid and when you start out by building it in a swamp...the damn thing sinks.

I just don't have the energy, sorry. I don't value life or success. Maybe for others but not for me. Thanks for the willingness to help solarion, but you're wasting your time.

[solarion]

YW.

Ya know...what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. j/s

[pcmaster]

[MENTION=80859]tampitump[/MENTION] you tried so much stuff and years passed by. Maybe mistake was that you did everything by yourself. There are some moments in life when you realize you cant do it on your own. As mentioned in beginning in the thread its time to seek for professional help. As sooner you do it as sooner you will get out of this. Years passing by while you are struggling on your own you will get just more sicker. You should have do it immediately when it(depression) started. But don't get me wrong. Its not too late. So what are you gonna do about your life? What can you do today to get you started?

[basilandthyme]

Please listen to PC. None of us could have worded it better

And I just want to add that I'm also really old compared to you. We are never too old to make changes

[tampitump]

So what are you gonna do about your life?

At this point, I just want it to end. I don't want to get better. I'm kind of bitter about living a "good life". It pains me to know that I'd require professional help to get there when everyone else is apparently good enough to have it without trying.

No thanks, I'm past the point of caring or wanting to get better. I'm sorry. Why do I have to value the same things you do?

[dontaskme]

It pains me to know that I'd require professional help to get there when everyone else is apparently good enough to have it without trying.

How the hell do you know what everyone is going through?! You ASSUME that everyone has got it good because people have the tendency to only show the "wonderful" parts of life but they tend to hide the "unpleasant" portion of it. Some people got it worse than you. Be glad you're not in the middle of the war in Syria. Jeez, learn to count your blessings rather than wallow in despair!

[tampitump]

How the hell do you know what everyone is going through?! You ASSUME that everyone has got it good because people have the tendency to only show the "wonderful" parts of life but they tend to hide the "unpleasant" portion of it. Some people got it worse than you. Be glad you're not in the middle of the war in Syria. Jeez, learn to count your blessings rather than wallow in despair!

I'd rather be there than where I'm at now.

[dontaskme]

I'd rather be there than where I'm at now.

Then make good use of yourself and join the military. I'm sure you'll be in for a rude awakening.