Complicated online relationship

[Fire squad]

So I have been speaking to a girl that i met on Tinder. She lives in Ireland but within the first few messages she told me she has plans to move to England and the same city as me! We got on so well and there was definatly attraction on both sides, we texted on snapchat for hours and skyped until the early hours of the morning. She is the girl ive been searching for and i know that because i got feelings quickly even though we havent met yet and she told me the same. I deleted Tinder and she was coming over to visit in a few months with an plan of staying longer than the planned week by staying with family. Everything was going so well until a month into it i re downloaded tinder to read our old conversation we only text on snapchat and it doesnt save messages and she said something that that night that really made me think this could happen so i went on at the night and it said last active 2 hours ago so i thought ok i will check in the morning to see if she went on it again. I did and it said 4 minutes ago. So i asked her because i was worried i wasnt making her as happy as she made me! she got really upset and angry and explained that she went on to check something too. I know it was hypicritcal of me because it meant i was on too but that was the first time in weeks and i just wanted to check she wasnt on it during that time. she asked for space and a few days went past and she messaged me saying " Im still angry at you but i want to tell you i miss you and havent forgotten about you".

Another week went by and she phoned me and was clearly still angry and upset. I sat on the phone to her and told her exactly why i felt the need to ask and grovelled and pleaded for a second chance. She said she doesnt know but was implying that i was not getting another chance but then confused things by saying she doesnt know what will happen. It seems she is holding a lot of bitterness toward guys through past experiences because during the phone conversation she was really quiet but she kept testing me with ways to make me jealous, i didnt fall for them but she said some really hard stuff to take. She questioned my sexuality after me telling her my feelings and wierdly asked if i was adopted. It was like she wanted me to react but i didnt. She then said i cant deal with this conversation anymore and i put the phone down out of frustration of me putting my feelings out there for 2 hours and for here to respond by some really insulting stuff which i wont mention felt like i was just getting low blows. she was annoyed i hung up and i messaged her I telling her im giving her space which she asked for during the phone call but i have no idea what is going on.

She is very religous and has strong morales, so i can see why it upset her but i cant see why she is finding it so hard to give me another chance or even speak to me. I can see that she has made sacrifices to meet me and this doubt could be increased by the doubt of leaving her family, work and friends to move countries (which wasnt for me but it helped things)

I posted this to see if 1) I was wrong to be worried and asking? 2) Is it normal for someone to react this way over the question? 3) what are the chances of things being resolved because its been 2 weeks since in asked and she said she will text me when she is ready in the next 2 weeks.

[Wakeup]

I think you've put far too much emotion into this girl who sounds like a bloody shit-testing twit to be honest. She has been active on Tinder and when you asked her about it, she immediately turned it around on you so that you looked like a bad guy when all you were doing was asking her about it. Then, she becomes angry and insulting to you.

Your best bet is to just go radio silent on her and completely ignore her if and until she contacts you. Then, when/if she does, tell her that you don't think it's working out well and that you're better off not pursuing anything further with one another. If she never contacts you again or she waits like forever to contact you again, then just get yourself back online or out in the real world and find someone who isn't a shit-testing, gas-lighting, game-playing twit.

Keep in mind that Tinder is primarily a sexual hook up site so you're only going to get people that are not interested in anything long lasting or serious. She, by her Tinder activity seems to be one of those.

[Fire squad]

I think you've put far too much emotion into this girl who sounds like a bloody shit-testing twit to be honest. She has been active on Tinder and when you asked her about it, she immediately turned it around on you so that you looked like a bad guy when all you were doing was asking her about it. Then, she becomes angry and insulting to you.

Your best bet is to just go radio silent on her and completely ignore her if and until she contacts you. Then, when/if she does, tell her that you don't think it's working out well and that you're better off not pursuing anything further with one another. If she never contacts you again or she waits like forever to contact you again, then just get yourself back online or out in the real world and find someone who isn't a shit-testing, gas-lighting, game-playing twit.

Keep in mind that Tinder is primarily a sexual hook up site so you're only going to get people that are not interested in anything long lasting or serious. She, by her Tinder activity seems to be one of those.

Got even more complicated now, she posted a picture on tinder so i did when i saw it and she messaged me saying " looks like your back on tinder" and for her to say she doesnt care even though i told here i wont be speaking to anyone! shes now constantly on it every few minutes so im guessing she is speaking to others now.

[emilymia]

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[MeetMeOnLevel4]

I agree with you. People should really understand themselves and not be afraid to open themselves to whatever is really who they are, whether that is sexuality, or anything else in their life that is part of who they are intrinsically.

[Wakeup]

Got even more complicated now, she posted a picture on tinder so i did when i saw it and she messaged me saying " looks like your back on tinder" and for her to say she doesnt care even though i told here i wont be speaking to anyone! shes now constantly on it every few minutes so im guessing she is speaking to others now.

Ignore her. If you're strong enough then block and then delete her from being able to contact you. She's just an attention whore who isn't wanting to give up the attention she's getting from the site.

If you want to find a serious girl who isn't just looking to collect male "favourites" to stroke her ego then go to a site with a better reputation. Tinder is for girls like her and guys that are looking for more then one person to lay.

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, I've got to completely side with Wakeup on this one. If this were a girl you were close to geographically, I'd be telling you she sounds a little bit nutter butter and you may want to re-think having anything to do with her.

However, this is a girl you've thus far only met online, yet she is already showing signs of being one fry short of a Happy Meal. You met on a dating site (Tinder is a dating site, right?) so why in the Hell would you NOT be a little confused as to why she was still logging on when you two were supposedly an item? If she wasn't doing anything wrong, then she'd have no reason to go on the defensive so hard. I agree with Wakeup. All you did was to ask her about it and she flips out on you and tries to make you look like that bad guy. You are NOT the bad guy here. Anybody would have had the same concerns seeing that the person they'd been getting on with so well was still signing into a dating site.

If she was doing nothing wrong, then a simple and honest explanation would have been all that was needed. Personally, her flipping out makes me think she IS doing something wrong, and she's trying to divert the attention away from her and make YOU look like the bad guy. To me, it feels like she wants to make you feel bad for having legitimate concerns so that you will doubt your own instincts going forward and she can get away with more.

Now, let's pretend for a second that she's not hiding anything. Let's pretend for a second that she is being 100% honest, 100% innocent and was just upset that you would mistrust her. There are still two major problems with that in my mind....

A) Unless you initially approached it flipping out on her and accusing her of wrongdoing, then she is WAY over-reacting in the level of how upset it made her. You had a reasonable right to be concerned by finding out she was still on the dating site where you two met.

B) If she is still upset WEEKS after over this, then I'd seriously wonder if she's just an overgrown freaking child as opposed to an actual adult. It isn't like you killed her grandma here. If she still hasn't gotten over this after weeks, then she sounds to me like the immature little petulant child who holds a grudge over the stupidest things, and for way too long. Trust me, you deserve better than that. You are trying to date a woman, not an overgrown child throwing a temper tantrum at the slightest provocation.

Is it possible I am over-reacting? Sure, maybe. I do have experience, though, with somebody much like this, so I speak from experience. Good luck to you either way. Personally, if I were you, I think I'd kick this gal to the curb and never look back for a second. But, perhaps that is not the decision you wish to make. That will have to be up to you. Either way, I wish you the best of luck.