I would do anything for you?

[treehugger101]

My Boyfriend and I had a long talk that turned into a fight of course, but the topic was about this concert happening tomorrow night. It ended up being in an area that was known for drive by shootings, muggings, robbery, etc. And my Boyfriend and parents, friends, all told me not to attend this concert, because one of these things may happen to me and my Boyfriend.

My Boyfriend ended up telling me, can't you understand how I feel and how I am scared to go down to this area, if you were emphatic, sympathizing, and knew how I felt, perhaps I WOULD consider going to this concert.

He at FIRST said NO WE ARE NOT GOING PERIOD. BUT then he says he would consider going if I understood his feelings about this area etc. He then went on to say that the show would end late around midnight, and he would have to drive home late at night.

This is how it looks, him and I live about 40 miles a part, and the concert is 13 miles away from MY house. So he would have to drive from his house, to my house, then both of us drive to the concert, then he would have to drive back to my house and then return home. So he would be returning home to his place late probably 1-3AM.

But here's another factor, he has told me, that he stays up late at night, playing video games, so he stays up until 5-6AM playing video games. So IF he can do that, why not go with my to a concert and have a good time, and arrive home around the same time, he would be playing video games?

Why is he picking playing video games, and staying home because it's safer than instead going out and having a good time with me?

IF I was the man in the relationship, I wouldn't care about returning home late at night, or how far the concert was, or whereabouts it was at, I would do it all for my girl.

I really wanted to go to this concert but yet all of this ends up happening all because of him, not wanting to go to the area and worrying about driving home late. WHEN before HE WOULDN'T CARE OR MIND but NOW that's dead and gone.

Here's another thing that gets to me, my ex-Boyfriend, wouldn't care where the show was, how far it took to get there, or what time he would get home, or even if he had to sleep on the street or even go to the event with a fever and felt sick as heck. He would go because like me we both loved the music and the concerts so much. But yet my current Boyfriend isn't this way and it hurts me.

I don't know what to do, but now I have to cancel future concerts and events because he complains about the whereabouts, timing, etc. What to do?

[Wakeup]

I would do anything for you if you stopped starting threads about you and your boyfriend.

[melancholia]

Treehugger101: Why don't you just go to his house and play video games instead of putting you and him in danger, just for the sake of a concert. Although, maybe I would offer different advice if I knew what concert it was...

[basilandthyme]

Oh for heaven's sake! Get a paying job. Move out of home. And drive yourself to concerts. When you are master of yourself, you get to make all your own decisions. Until then, suck it up sweetheart.

- - - Updated - - -

And may I add, that if you were the man in the relationship, you'd still be on zero income and unable to take a girl anywhere.

Thing is, he's your boyfriend - not your chauffeur. If he doesn't want to go to the concert, that's his prerogative. You've either take yourself or go with a friend. But there is nothing wrong with him preferring to stay at home safely playing video games instead of driving you because you can't drive yourself.

It really is time to grow up and get a real job. And by 'real job' I mean something that pays actual money and gives you independence.

[Lilly328]

It's hard to believe she is 28 without developemental issue. Otherwise I can't find any other reason a 28 yo women would still be dependent on her parent and others. Or have a parent baby them. I knoticed you are also on another forum i go often.

--------

Anyway, me and my guy don't fight over issues like these. We travel together alot. If he doesn't want to take me to a place he feel that is not safe for him and me, i would understand. He is the same. I rather spend a nice time with him at other places we both can enjoy without worrying. Don't be selfish. Your boyfriend is the one driving you around in his car. If you want to be at a certain place at a certain time, you can drive yourself. That is get a job, insurance, and learn how to be independent. You're not a child. Your ex is your ex, don't expect others to be the same, each individual is different. No one likes being compared to an ex.

[fearoflove]

Damn, why are people so mean here? Well, there are two reasons why he doesn't want to go. One of them is the shooting, mugging, etc. So, that is a legitimate reason not to go. Seriously. Don't risk your life just because you really want to go to this concert. He might get his car ruined by just parking there too. Are you going to be responsible for that if it happens? Is the whole driving issue a consistent behaviour from him or is he just saying this for this concert because he wants to add more excuses/reasons to not go?

[dontaskme]

Here's another thing that gets to me, my ex-Boyfriend, wouldn't care where the show was, how far it took to get there, or what time he would get home, or even if he had to sleep on the street or even go to the event with a fever and felt sick as heck. He would go because like me we both loved the music and the concerts so much. But yet my current Boyfriend isn't this way and it hurts me.

Why don't you go with your ex-BF, or better yet, since you are ballsy enough, take the bus to and from the concert area.

[solarion]

Damn, why are people so mean here?

They're not imo...it's called reality, and some people need a heaping helping. Sweet talking everyone with watered down politically correct mumbo jumbo isn't very helpful. Some people need a good swift kick in the ass and some ice water tossed over their heads. Peeps have been asking the OP about why/how she could be so dysfunctional and so totally dependent on others for some while, but she doesn't say. Instead she starts thread after thread while withholding relevant information to get confirmation for her distorted views.

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, agreed with solarion here. This isn't about being mean, this is about somebody needing a little dose of "tough love," so to speak. Look, I think people know I tend to err on the side of offering "Go you!" positive type of advice because I realize people are coming here for help and don't always need and/or want the tough love approach. Sometimes they need somebody to be their cheerleader because they aren't capable of being their own.


.....Oh good God! That's a horrible image. Me dressed as a cheerleader! UGH! LOL!

However, and I mean no offense in saying this, I think this is one example where the kid gloves can come off.

So, back to treehugger now. Let me put it this way.... I don't think I'd personally be afraid to go to a place like that just because of hearing about the things that have happened.....

Yet even so, I'd probably still be most likely to decide it best just to skip the concert. Not out of fear of what may happen, but just out of not being foolishly careless. Why bother to put myself into the potential situation where something MAY happen?

Is this a concert for a band who doesn't tour often? Or at least not close to you? In other words, is there any reason you couldn't just wait for a concert in some less shady location? I mean, if it was your all time favorite band that you've ALWAYS wanted to see in concert and this is literally their last concert EVER, I could maybe see wanting to go anyway.

I think you are focusing on the wrong points here. Unless I miss my guess (and that COULD be possible) I don't think his objections are because he'd rather sit at home playing video games than take you to a concert. I think his objections are that he'd rather sit at home playing video games than to get mugged and car-jacked all in one night. Similarly, he isn't objecting just because the concert would run until late.... he's objecting because it will run until late IN A BAD NEIGHBORHOOD.

It isn't even just him telling you this. You said your parents said very much the same things. So, it sounds like maybe he is being sensible in not wanting to go. You shouldn't force him. If it really is THAT important to you, find somebody willing to go with you and find your own way there. I mean, I could understand you being upset if the situation were different. If this was a huge concert in a well known and perfectly safe venue, then I could understand you being upset if he chose to sit at home playing video games all night instead of taking you. The thing is, in this case his objections are understandable and motivated by safety, not selfishness.

[basilandthyme]

Damn, why are people so mean here?

hehe, we've got nothing on the abusive behaviour which she displays to her boyfriend. Given what she dishes out, I'm sure she can take back a fraction of that in return

[melancholia]

Damn, why are people so mean here?

Nobody on this forum is mean. Everyone tries to offer encouraging and supportive advice as best they can. We all use the information we are given and use our own experiences in order to provide advice/validation, when due. However, there are members of this forum who consistently "troll" the boards, and it's annoying. There are also people who aren't looking for advice, as much as they are looking to validate their shitty behavior toward others. But nobody here is mean.

[TheEvilJester]

Nobody on this forum is mean. Everyone tries to offer encouraging and supportive advice as best they can. We all use the information we are given and use our own experiences in order to provide advice/validation, when due. However, there are members of this forum who consistently "troll" the boards, and it's annoying. There are also people who aren't looking for advice, as much as they are looking to validate their shitty behavior toward others. But nobody here is mean.

Could not have said it better myself. Listen, we have some members who like to practice more of a "tough love" approach on a general basis, and some of them often get misunderstood for being "mean." Do I always agree with their approach? Not necessarily. I do feel like there have been times where I personally don't think it was needed. Do I think it is out of line, though? No, not at all. Honestly, more often than not I find myself agreeing fully with the advice that was given, even if I don't necessarily agree with the way in which it was delivered.

However, there comes times when even I think perhaps a firmer approach is needed. I will still try to understand the person's point of view, but I will share my thoughts, even if they happen to disagree with the person's own thoughts. After all, advice isn't helpful if you are just telling the person what they want to hear. Yes-man type of advice is not constructive or helpful at all. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying advice is only helpful if it is contradictory. If you actually DO agree with the person, then that is the way your advice should lean. I am just saying that insincere advice does not help.