So a little back story I guess. Been with my girlfriend a year. All is pretty good. She definitely loves me as much as I do her, I don't doubt that.
Few small problems, all down to me. When we first went out. Like maybe been together a month. Our ideas of what was going on were a little different. And I slept with someone else. Who obviously turned out to be one of her friends. Which was a horrible thing, that I genuinely regret. I didn't lie about it however, she forgave me after we had a long talk about it.
Also, we both have a child with a ex partner. However on paper I am still married. This is partly due to my ex dragging her feet with the divorce initially for no other reason than to annoy me. Bit more lately due to the cost involved. So perhaps they have some influence in the following.
So it all started I guess with google+ and her posting pictures of herself one quite racy one, which would all be followed by a ton of likes and guys commentinget everything from "wow you are gorgeous" to "OK now on your knees and **** it".
That I obviously didn't like one bit. But I didn't say anything even when she would reply to comments with kisses and winks and whatnot.
One day I saw a guy who had recently liked and commented on all of her photos and they had had brief back and forth conversations. His profile picture was just a muscly torso which just made me laugh as I thought possible myself. 'What a tool' and clicked know his profile to see he was in her circle. (The same I guess as being friends on facebook)
Then I looked at his photos and saw she's liked one of his bare chested posing and another of him in just thinking white boxer shorts nursing what is unmistakably an erection.
That was kinda enough for me. So I told her about it saying simply I don't like it. She laughed at me. Then said she'd delete it. I also told her about the "on your knees" guy. Who she was also friends with!! I deleted home personally, but she never deleted the bare chested guy (and in fact after the latest incidental I'll get too in some minute I discovered he'd actually been sending her text messages and pictures. Though it looked as if she hadn't replied to him.)
So fast forward a few weeks and for some reason she gave me her phone, to fix something or do something on it. And as I pressed like the menu button which shows all open apps, in order to go back to something I saw a long conversation with a guy on wechat.
It hadn't escaped my attention that rather than just post more modestly on Google or not interact with the people who comment. She had simply stopped going on there all together. Which may or may not be or any relevance.
But I asked her what it was and then started scrolling through the very long conversation. The two parts which really hurt were about the 4th or 5th time they'd spoke when he asked if she had a boyfriend and she wrote the following:
" Yes but he's still married to another woman with a family."
Which to me is telling him yes bit she's still available. Or something.
And then later on he had asked "so, when can we meet?"
And she had replied "maybe tonight" and then a laughing smiley.
At this point I was furious. She's said she'd delete him and she never even thought about cheating on me. Etc etc. Just she was bored and not even thinking like that. She promised me she wouldnt talk to other guys any more. Even though i never asked her to promise that.
So later on I realise that the day of that second message was sent night she went out with her friends to a nightclub and I saw her in the morning when she was really hungover.
When I pressed her about this she just got majorly defensive and it ended up when she said "OK well break up with me if you think I cheated on you"
We carried on fine really i just kind of forgot about ignored the as I believed her.
But then fast forward to a few days ago and I had her phone to transfer everything onto a new handset. When same thing happens and I see we chat conversations. About 5 of them with guys.
There is nothing particularly bad in any of them but a lot for flirting. And because of the way the wechat app works (I downloaded it to find out) for random people to message you, you have to look for people in your area. Then anyone in your area who's looking can see and message you. Which isn't great. This time she didn't really think she'd done anything wrong and was a little bit angry at me for suggesting she had. Even though I had seen a text message from a guy with a conversation where he asked could he come tonight. She replied: " no because my boyfriend will be here at 11 or maybe 12"
She told me he had come to collect something. And that she told me about it. Bit she hadn't. And she was struggling for an answer at first. Not saying anything while she look for 'an object' and only after she found it about a minute later did she actually say that he had come to retrieve something.
I also see the top less tool shed has been messaging her like I said. I go out for a walk because I'm fuming. And when I come back I asked to see the text again to see if it made sense compared to what she said. But she said she had already deleted everything.
Later on i realised the day she was telling the guy he can't come because I'd expect there. Was the same day she promised never to talk to other men to me.
So .... reading that back it sounds a lot like I'm the most gullible bastard in the world. But a lot of sites I've been reading seem to think talking to guys online is no big deal. So I'm just wondering about some more specific opinion. . .
We're both early 30s and to new honest the thing that cuts me up is that I see it as disloyal. Probably the thing I look for most in a partner is loyalty. Even more so since my ex really badly betrayed me. I even explained that to my girl once when we were in a club and ahead was dancing. A guy kinda went over to her to dance with her and she didn't do anything. But I kinda felt she should have moved away at least afyer a minute, or told him she wasn't interested. They did nothing bad, but he was getting bolder by the minute and they were holding hands like above their heads dancing by the time she caught my eye and saw me having a face like thunder ....
That night I told her. I wasn't angry but that I personally don't like to see that sort of thing. Because to me it says she is leaving it to me to cone over and put a stop to it if it goes further than i like . Which potentially puts me in physical danger.
Ive never been really jealous. Never stopped her doing things or grilled about anything.