relationship after abortion

[nikxo815]

please take the time to read this, I seriously need some advice. I'm SO sorry it's long! I've been with my boyfriend for a year now. we've been through hell and back, but also some good times. but all in all, more bad times than good. there's been lying, even hitting, and eventually I felt so distant from him and even regressed back to an ex who I had sex with when me and my boyfriend were broken up, even though just a few days later we started talking again and I felt horrible and told him I had sex with my ex. which is totally wrong, I already know. but we ended up getting back together, and after lots of unprotected sex, 2 months later I found out I was pregnant. I'm 19, and he's 20. he's an underwater welder and I am a dental assistant, going back to school for dental hygiene. i can't say I was totally bummed when I found out, but My mind was all over the place. at first, he seemed like he was supportive. but I also kept noticing he kept asking me what do you wanna do the very same day and days after, and I started getting angry because clearly I wasn't sure. I had support from my family if I wanted to keep it, and I even talked to some friends that had babies. I knew I could do this. I let my bf talk me into an abortion. I made the appt, and I didn't show. my boyfriend texted me the morning of the appt and told me he loves me and it's my choice regardless, and he knows I will choose what's best for us and he'll be there no matter what. when I told him I didn't show for the appt and I didn't want an abortion and I want to do this, he FREAKED. told me I'm ruining his life and he has no idea what to tell him mom and we will forever be in debt and ruin our careers. he even told me he hated me when I said I will do this with or without him. from the nasty things he was saying, even went as far as saying "that thing" referring to our child, I decided this is not the man I want a child with. I made another appt. we talked, and he told me he will come with me to the clinic. on the way, he was incredibly rude to me and we were arguing. when we got there, he was on his phone the whole time. I went in the back and got an ultra sound, came back to the waiting room and was crying. all he did was put his arm around me. when I went back for the surgery, I texted him and said I'm scared I really don't want to do this I'm going to regret it. he texted me back saying I know, but we have to do what we have to do. he has been with me the past few days keeping me company, but in no way has he been supportive in how I feel about this. the third day, we were driving around and I started crying and he asked what was wrong. I said I was thinking about it. he said not one word, and continued driving until I got over it and started conversation with him. I understand abortion effects people all different ways, but I'm not sure if he doesn't realize how traumatizing this was for me or if he simply doesn't give a ****. he even texted me saying "I've been thinking. if you hadn't cheated 2 months ago, I probably would've kept it" and "when I freaked out, you should've calmed me down and saved the baby". how dare he put that pressure on me AFTER an abortion, after how hard I was crying to him everyday after. I understand sleeping with my ex hurt him, but even before that we weren't too good and I hate to be that girl and say it, but he pushed me away into another mans arms who treated me much better. unfortunately, my ex was a little younger and too immature for me at this point. but at least I was honest about it and came straight to him myself and told him the mistake I made, but he used that against me after my abortion. is this wrong or am I just being to sensitive? he does nothing but fight with me over everything and even gets jealous of my best friend. he gets mad when I even say her name. I'm not allowed out anywhere or to do anything or I'm a horrible person and girlfriend. it's just not fair, and I always get my past mistake thrown in my face although I never do that to him about his mistakes. he's just been incredibly insensitive after everything. he even called me crazy and made fun of me because I'm thinking about getting little footprints with angel wings tattooed on me for remembrance of my unborn, first child. this was important in my life but clearly it wasn't to him, although he told me he will stick by me no matter what. if I chose to have that baby, I would've been alone. please give me some advice about this boy though, what should I do? my family isn't a fan, and my friends absolutely hate him and will not even be around him. and I feel like this abortion is tearing us apart even more

[Wakeup]

All this mess in only one year of dating him. Apart from everything else I've said in your other two duplicate posts, I'll reiterate. Please leave this man NOW. He is THE worst thing that you could have allowed into your life. Get the help you need to guide you to being able to "see" that fact.

The last thing you should be worried about is that the abortion is "tearing you apart even more." He's hit you for fk sakes.

[idorea]

i suggest you leave this relationship.. its not helping you get better