Painfully shy unsure how to move forward

[Irene123]

A guy I like who is also quiet has given me some signals that he likes me. I am ok flirting with him at a distance. But when he wants me to come to him I freeze. I have done this about two or three times. I think he has given up on me. He usually is outside after I take my walk in the evening. I have not seen him all week. Except for on the back porch where he does not usually sit. I want to apologize to him and see if we can start over. But, he isn't out. I was thinking of leaving a note on his car. But unsure if that is ok to do. Please any help you can give will be appreciated. If I write a note should I put it on his car or mail it. He is right across the street. Either way seems weird to. Me. What are your thoughts?

[Lilly328]

How about a "hey, how are you?" To start then see if that takes the comversation somewhere.

[Irene123]

I never see him that is the problem. He stays in the house.

[Lilly328]

Is he the same guy you were trying to talk to a few months ago?

[basilandthyme]

You could leave him a note, but if you can't have a conversation with him, there's no point in doing so.

Does your shyness prohibit you from having friends?

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[smackie9]

Leave a note....why the hell not. It will hopefully give him the confidence to approach you.

[Irene123]

No different one

- - - Updated - - -

No I just seem to get really shy around guys I like. Initially I am but after the first meeting I am ok.

[TheEvilJester]

Believe me, I know how you feel. I, myself, am ridiculously shy and am kind of just now trying to learn how to get over it. After a lengthy relationship that I should have realized long before I did that I deserved better.... I am having to start over and realizing I really never did get over all that. So, I can certainly relate.

The thing is, I'm not going to get over it, and you're not going to get over it if we don't just try. Trust me, I know firsthand how hard this is.... but the only way to really start to get over it is by forcing yourself to go for it. Even if it doesn't wind up going well, the more you do it the easier it will be to do again. Really, even if it doesn't go well, wouldn't you feel so much better knowing than you would wondering what could have been?

Now, in this case it sounds like he was receptive to your flirting. So, at least that would make it seem as though he does have some interest. So, give it a shot. Honestly, I would say he is every bit as much to blame as you may be for not trying. He could have come over to talk to you instead of expecting you to make the first move. Who knows, though? Maybe he is just as shy as you.

I would say a note is just fine. Any way to take a chance, go ahead and take it. I will say this, though. I don't think you should apologize at all for not talking to him sooner, or anything like that. I would just say you don't even mention that at all. Just approach him like you would any other guy you were hoping might ask you out. Don't be afraid to ask him out if he doesn't take the hint and ask you.

Above all else, if it doesn't work out, don't let that get you too discouraged. If this fella doesn't want to give you a chance, then that is his loss and not yours. Somebody else will. You need to tell yourself that you are AWESOME! That any guy would be lucky to be with you. That any guy who can't see that doesn't deserve you anyway. I am NOT suggesting you become cocky. I am NOT suggesting you believe you are God's gift to the world.... I'm just saying you realize that you DESERVE happiness. Don't be afraid to try to make your own happiness happen.

Good luck to you! I hope you find the guy of your dreams very soon, whether it winds up being him or not.

[Irene123]

How does this sound. I can't seem to catch you outside. I was wondering if you would like to go out sometime. You can name when and where. If I do not hear from you i understand.

[TheEvilJester]

That sounds great. Maybe this is just me, but I think I'd just leave off the "If I do not hear from you I understand" part. If he doesn't want to go out with you, he's not going to force himself to go out with you anyway, so no need to give him that easy out. It could also possibly project a negative energy, so to speak, that you didn't intend.

Believe me, I actually have the same instinct and know I have to fight it. If I were to be asking a girl out, I'd almost want to say something similar. I'm not sure if, in my mind, it is because I think it would make them more comfortable being honest (I wouldn't want them to go out with me out of pity, but because they actually WANT to), or if I feel like it would make me less embarrassed if they weren't interested or both. Either way, I think it is probably best just to leave that part off. Even though it makes sense to you and I, I think it actually projects a negative image we don't intend that could just hinder your chances.

I'd also add some sort of instructions on how you want him to follow up. In other words, after you say "You can name when and where..." Maybe leave your phone number and ask him to call you sometime. (As long as you are relatively sure that, wherever you leave the note, there is no risk somebody else will grab it by mistake or intentionally.) Or, maybe tell him to meet you one time when he sees you on your walk. Something like that. Some way for him to answer you back.

Hopefully he does, but if not, then at least you know. If, unfortunately, he does not answer or he answers in the negative, at least you can move on and find somebody else. Good luck to you. I hope it goes well. :-D

[Irene123]

Thanks for the good advice. I really appreciate it. One other thing I am so shy that I am having a problem leaving the note. The mailbox is right next to the front door and window on the front porch. I am afraid him or his mom will catch me putting it in there. Any ideas other than mailing it. I worry over everything. As if you can't tell

[Lilly328]

Oh irene, just walk over there without thinking of whether they saw you or not. If they did, good! At least he will know it's you definitely

[Irene123]

I know I think too much.

[Irene123]

Now I am having second thoughts. I think I hurt his feelings and I am really doubting whether I should drop him a note.