I am 24, and my boyfriend is the same age as me. We have been together for about 8 months, and he told me about three weeks ago that he loves me. This is the first time that he’s ever said this to any girl, according to him.
He’s a very laid-back guy. He is self-made and independent. He loves to travel, and basically he’s just a care-free person.
I, on the other hand, had general anxiety disorder on the past but I am not diagnosed anymore. I overcame it, and haven’t had any panic attacks in the last two years. However, I still tend to overthink quite a bit and I am very critical of myself sometimes. A bit of a perfectionist, you might say. But since I have talked this through with therapists, I know this about myself. So I always try to take a step back and sometimes I don’t say anything in fear that I might be being irrational. And that is why I need some advice.
Last night, I was talking on the phone with my boyfriend and he very casually mentioned that one of his friends (an attractive single female) asked him to go on a holiday with her and her best friend and the best friend’s husband (they’re newlyweds). Then he just said that he thought about it, but that it wouldn’t work with his schedule or the dates of the other trip he’s already got planned (with another friend).
Now, this really bothered me so I asked him “Do you think it’s appropriate to on a holiday with her and another couple? I find it a bit weird. Isn’t that what couples do?”
To which he responded he’s not going, so it doesn’t matter anyway.
This made me more upset. I told him that I would be uncomfortable if he went on a holiday with a girl and another couple. And he told me that I was being “sensitive” and he didn’t get what the “big deal” was.
Now, let me mention that I have never met this girl and only seen her pictures through facebook. He’s told me that she’s only single because her standards of men are way too high. That is all I know about her. The fact that I haven’t met her adds to my discomfort with this situation.
In fact, I have never met any of his friends. He doesn’t invite me to any of his trips or dinners or anything. I haven’t met his family because they live overseas. So this also concerns me about how much he wants to include me into his life.
I have never been annoyed with him going on the many trips he’s taken with his friends. I let him do what he likes, and I also understand that he compartmentalizes his life. He keeps his friends, family, and apparently his girlfriend separate. This hasn’t really bothered me until now.
I would like to think that since we are serious, he would integrate me into his life more. That he would consider me as part of his decision-making process. I am concerned with the reasons he gave me for not going. None of them had to do with me. It’s fine if he doesn’t invite me along… maybe he would think that since she invited him with her friends, that it would be inappropriate.. But, then isn’t he considering her feelings over mine? Forget inviting me. Shouldn’t he at least talk to me about while he’s thinking about it rather than afterwards? Like couldn’t he ask me or just mention if I would be comfortable with this?
I need some opinions here. Am I being irrational? And what should I make of this situation?