I feel like I will never find my soulmate ):

[mizzbello]

I am 20 years old and I am in college. I go to a small liberal arts college with about 2,600 students and it is pretty big on greek life. I have never been in a relationship before (not by choice because I want to be in a relationship). People tell me that I look "innocent" and have a babyface-I think it is because I take care of myself and I am petite. I am 5'5-5'6 and I am pretty slim. I have never been asked out on a date or a guy has never asked me for my phone number. I am really a compassionate person, so I would love to find someone to love and have someone to love me back. Sometimes, people I do not know tell me I am pretty or beautiful. Occasionally, I will catch a guy staring at me (sometimes he is cute/attractive) but I do not do anything because it is a guy I do not know and I would not know what to do. But guys, generally, do not seem to notice me. Guys at my college do not even hit on me or anything. Sometimes I go to parties but no guys even want to "hook up" with me (not that I am interested in hooking up). It's sad to even go to a party when guys will grind on my friends and I am left alone, I do not even go to parties anymore. I always hear girls at my college talk about having a boyfriend like it is so easy to get a boyfriend and it makes me sad. I get really depressed because I am about to be 21 and I have never had any experiences with men. This leaves me feeling hopeless and restless about ever finding a guy; I feel like I am going to stay single forever. I know people usually say to focus on yourself and that love comes unexpectedly. The thing is that I try to put myself out there and get involved in activities but I can never seem to "unexpectedly" find the right guy.

[TheEvilJester]

God, I so know how you feel. I wish I could offer more specific advice, but I would guess our experiences are very similar, but also a little different since I am a guy. I am not sure why you'd never have the experience of having guys seem interested in you, so hopefully some of our female members can offer more specific advice on that.

I can say, though, that I so very much understand how you feel. I've always been a romantic type, wanting so badly to find my true love. Yet I am one of God's cruel jokes, because He created me so cripplingly shy that I've never really known how to give myself a fair shot at making that happen. I was also not blessed with a natural, I don't know what to call it, aura that just attracts people to me. I swear, it feels like it is SO easy for any other guy in the world to get girlfriends all the time, and I feel like I might as well not even exist.

What's worse is that I didn't really realize how ridiculously shy I truly was, and didn't realize that it was a problem I needed to fix until very late in life. Not too long after I did, I actually got a girlfriend anyway (HUGE mistake of a relationship, but that is a long story), so I never really did wind up getting over all that crap. I'm just starting to work on it all now, and it just seems so daunting.

Let me put this in perspective for you a bit.....

I am 32! I am 32, and though it may not always feel this way to me, it is NOT too late for me. So, I am a full 12 years (more than a decade) older than you and it is NOT too late for me...... what does that say for you?

Believe me, I of all people know how much all of this just sounds like words, but it is the truth. As best you can, you need to just focus on you. Be happy with you. There IS a guy out there for you, and he'll find you someday. You are still young. Don't worry about it too much. That said, also don't hesitate to be the one to get the ball rolling. In other words, believe me, I realize it would be GREAT if a guy approached you, chatted you up, asked you out. The thing is, if that hasn't been happening, why not try a more direct approach and ask a guy out yourself? I know, easier said than done, but you never know. Maybe there HAVE been guys who really liked you, but they were too shy to say anything. (I would know. I've BEEN a guy who really liked a girl/girls but was too shy to say anything.) Yet, if you'd asked them, maybe they would have jumped at the chance.

Again, I know, I know, I know how this all just sounds like BS a motivational speaker would spout at you. I know from experience how much it can feel like it means nothing to you. The thing is, though, a lot of it has to do with having a positive attitude just in and of yourself. You need to realize that any guy would be lucky to have you. I am not suggesting you become cocky and think you are the most awesome thing ever to hit this Earth, I'm just saying you realize that you do deserve somebody. Sometimes, just having that positive nature within yourself will help a great deal.

It will happen for you some day. I soooo hate how all of this sounds like just a bunch of nice catchphrases, because I understand how it feels being in your position. I wish I could offer more specific advice, but the truth is life is just crazy sometimes. It isn't like there is anything in particular you can/should do, or any magic wand that will suddenly have guys falling all over each other to get to you. Just be happy being you, and eventually you will find the right guy.

Good luck to you. I know from experience how hard it is to believe this yourself, but your guy IS out there and you WILL find each other some day. For now, just learn to love you.

[basilandthyme]

I am 20 years old and I am in college. I go to a small liberal arts college with about 2,600 students and it is pretty big on greek life. I have never been in a relationship before (not by choice because I want to be in a relationship). People tell me that I look "innocent" and have a babyface-I think it is because I take care of myself and I am petite. I am 5'5-5'6 and I am pretty slim. I have never been asked out on a date or a guy has never asked me for my phone number. I am really a compassionate person, so I would love to find someone to love and have someone to love me back. Sometimes, people I do not know tell me I am pretty or beautiful. Occasionally, I will catch a guy staring at me (sometimes he is cute/attractive) but I do not do anything because it is a guy I do not know and I would not know what to do. But guys, generally, do not seem to notice me. Guys at my college do not even hit on me or anything. Sometimes I go to parties but no guys even want to "hook up" with me (not that I am interested in hooking up). It's sad to even go to a party when guys will grind on my friends and I am left alone, I do not even go to parties anymore. I always hear girls at my college talk about having a boyfriend like it is so easy to get a boyfriend and it makes me sad. I get really depressed because I am about to be 21 and I have never had any experiences with men. This leaves me feeling hopeless and restless about ever finding a guy; I feel like I am going to stay single forever. I know people usually say to focus on yourself and that love comes unexpectedly. The thing is that I try to put myself out there and get involved in activities but I can never seem to "unexpectedly" find the right guy.

I suspect that you're giving a vibe which is somewhat closed off. This will stop people from approaching you. When you've been at parties, do you go out of your way to meet people? If you see someone look your way, do you smile at them? If you're in the kitchen getting a drink, would you talk with a guy you don't know who's in there? "eg, hi I'm Mizzbello. How do you know the host?"

The way to react with a stranger is to make sure that they don't stay a stranger. If you can't say Hello on your own, get a friend to introduce you. For that matter, put your friends on a mission to introduce you to more single men.

[TheEvilJester]

If you're in the kitchen getting a drink, would you talk with a guy you don't know who's in there? "eg, hi I'm Mizzbello. How do you know the host?"

Good advice, but somehow it never works for me. When I say "Hi, I'm TheEvilJester" women tend to just run screaming. I mean, I guess it's that or the bloody machete and skull-faced jester mask, but I'm leaning towards thinking they don't like the name. LOL! Kidding, of course. I introduce myself to people with my actual name.

I'm not kidding about the machete and jester mask though. (Okay, yes, I am. LOL!)

Okay, but being serious again....

That's actually good advice I hadn't considered that probably even has a part in my problems as well. Firstly, I'm so crazy shy that I tend to go out of my way (even without realizing I am doing it) to NOT make eye contact with strangers. I mean, don't get me wrong, if they actually talk to me, I do, but I mean passing a stranger in the hall, or on the street, or whatever, I tend to blatantly look away even if I don't realize I do it.

That, and people also tend to naturally be afraid of me, mostly because I kind of wear my anger right out there. Again, another thing I don't necessarily always realize I am doing, or in some of my darker times, I couldn't give a crap to stop myself from doing anyway. I have to make an effort to realize I am doing that and stop, and it actually DOES help. In recent times, I've actually had female strangers around my age smile at me, and it's kind of taken me aback for a second.

Now, if only I could learn to follow it up by actually TALKING to some of them now and then. Don't get me wrong. I realize most women are just smiling to be polite. Still, if I never make the effort to try, I'll never find the one who is maybe looking for a fella just like me.

Blah blah blah! God, I can really go on and on. LOL! My point being, that is really good advice from basil, that I can actually support from my own personal experience.

That, and having a good "wing man" or "wing woman" would certainly help. Again, good advice from basil. Have a willing friend be the Barney to your Ted. "Haaaaaaave you met Ted?" LOL! (Please tell me somebody gets that reference.)